第2章

Asoft，repentantvoice，tremulouswithtears，said: \"Alonzo，dear，Ihavebeenwrong。Youcouldnothavesaidsocruelathing。Itmusthavebeensomeonewhoimitatedyourvoiceinmaliceorinjest。\" TheReverendcoldlyanswered，inAlonzo\'stones: \"Youhavesaidallwasoverbetweenus。Soletitbe。Ispurnyourprofferedrepentance，anddespiseit!\" Thenhedeparted，radiantwithfiendishtriumph，toreturnnomorewithhisimaginarytelephonicinventionforever。 FourhoursafterwardAlonzoarrivedwithhismotherfromherfavoritehauntsofpovertyandvice。TheysummonedtheSanFranciscohousehold； buttherewasnoreply。Theywaited，andcontinuedtowait，uponthevoicelesstelephone。 Atlength，whenitwassunsetinSanFrancisco，andthreehoursandahalfafterdarkinEastport，ananswertotheoft-repeatedcryof\"Rosannah!\" But，alas，itwasAuntSusan\'svoicethatspake。Shesaid: \"Ihavebeenoutallday；justgotin。Iwillgoandfindher。\" Thewatcherswaitedtwominutes——fiveminutes——tenminutes。Thencamethesefatalwords，inafrightenedtone: \"Sheisgone，andherbaggagewithher。Tovisitanotherfriend，shetoldtheservants。ButIfoundthisnoteonthetableinherroom。 Listen:\'Iamgone；seeknottotracemeout；myheartisbroken；youwillneverseememore。TellhimIshallalwaysthinkofhimwhenIsingmypoor\"SweetBy-and-by，\"butneveroftheunkindwordshesaidaboutit。\'Thatishernote。Alonzo，Alonzo，whatdoesitmean？Whathashappened？\" ButAlonzosatwhiteandcoldasthedead。Hismotherthrewbackthevelvetcurtainsandopenedawindow。Thecoldairrefreshedthesufferer，andhetoldhisaunthisdismalstory。Meantimehismotherwasinspectingacardwhichhaddiscloseditselfuponthefloorwhenshecastthecurtainsback。Itread，\"Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，SanFrancisco。\" \"Themiscreant!\"shoutedAlonzo，andrushedforthtoseekthefalseReverendanddestroyhim；forthecardexplainedeverything，sinceinthecourseofthelovers\'mutualconfessionstheyhadtoldeachotherallaboutallthesweetheartstheyhadeverhad，andthrownnoendofmudattheirfailingsandfoiblesforloversalwaysdothat。Ithasafascinationthatranksnextafterbillingandcooing。 IV Duringthenexttwomonthsmanythingshappened。IthadearlytranspiredthatRosannah，poorsufferingorphan，hadneitherreturnedtohergrandmotherinPortland，Oregon，norsentanywordtohersaveaduplicateofthewoefulnoteshehadleftinthemansiononTelegraphHill。Whosoeverwasshelteringher——ifshewasstillalive——hadbeenpersuadednottobetrayherwhereabouts，withoutdoubt；foralleffortstofindtraceofherhadfailed。 DidAlonzogiveherup？Nothe。Hesaidtohimself，\"Shewillsingthatsweetsongwhensheissad；Ishallfindher。\"Sohetookhiscarpet- sackandaportabletelephone，andshookthesnowofhisnativecityfromhisarctics，andwentforthintotheworld。Hewanderedfarandwideandinmanystates。Timeandagain，strangerswereastoundedtoseeawasted，pale，andwoe-wornmanlaboriouslyclimbatelegraph-poleinwintryandlonelyplaces，perchsadlythereanhour，withhisearatalittlebox，thencomesighingdown，andwanderwearilyaway。Sometimestheyshotathim，aspeasantsdoataeronauts，thinkinghimmadanddangerous。Thushisclothesweremuchshreddedbybulletsandhispersongrievouslylacerated。Butheboreitallpatiently。 Inthebeginningofhispilgrimageheusedoftentosay，\"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearthe\'SweetBy-and-by\'!\"Buttowardtheendofitheusedtoshedtearsofanguishandsay，\"Ah，ifIcouldbuthearsomethingelse!\" Thusamonthandthreeweeksdriftedby，andatlastsomehumanepeopleseizedhimandconfinedhiminaprivatemad-houseinNewYork。Hemadenomoan，forhisstrengthwasallgone，andwithitallheartandallhope。Thesuperintendent，inpity，gaveuphisowncomfortableparlorandbedchambertohimandnursedhimwithaffectionatedevotion。 Attheendofaweekthepatientwasabletoleavehisbedforthefirsttime。Hewaslying，comfortablypillowed，onasofa，listeningtotheplaintiveMiserereofthebleakMarchwindsandthemuffledsoundoftrampingfeetinthestreetbelowforitwasaboutsixintheevening，andNewYorkwasgoinghomefromwork。Hehadabrightfireandtheaddedcheerofacoupleofstudent-lamps。Soitwaswarmandsnugwithin，thoughbleakandrawwithout；itwaslightandbrightwithin，thoughoutsideitwasasdarkanddrearyasiftheworldhadbeenlitwithHartfordgas。Alonzosmiledfeeblytothinkhowhislovingvagarieshadmadehimamaniacintheeyesoftheworld，andwasproceedingtopursuehislineofthoughtfurther，whenafaint，sweetstrain，theveryghostofsound，soremoteandattenuateditseemed，struckuponhisear。 Hispulsesstoodstill；helistenedwithpartedlipsandbatedbreath。 Thesongflowedonhewaiting，listening，risingslowlyandunconsciouslyfromhisrecumbentposition。Atlastheexclaimed: \"Itis!itisshe!Oh，thedivinehatednotes!\" Hedraggedhimselfeagerlytothecornerwhencethesoundsproceeded，toreasideacurtain，anddiscoveredatelephone。Hebentover，andasthelastnotediedawayheburstforthwiththeexclamation: \"Oh，thankHeaven，foundatlast!Speaktome，Rosannah，dearest!Thecruelmysteryhasbeenunraveled；itwasthevillainBurleywhomimickedmyvoiceandwoundedyouwithinsolentspeech!\" Therewasabreathlesspause，awaitingagetoAlonzo；thenafaintsoundcame，framingitselfintolanguage: \"Oh，saythosepreciouswordsagain，Alonzo!\" \"Theyarethetruth，theveritabletruth，myRosannah，andyoushallhavetheproof，ampleandabundantproof!\" \"Oh；Alonzo，staybyme!Leavemenotforamoment!Letmefeelthatyouarenearme!Tellmeweshallneverbepartedmore!Oh，thishappyhour，thisblessedhour，thismemorablehour!\" \"Wewillmakerecordofit，myRosannah；everyyear，asthisdearhourchimesfromtheclock，wewillcelebrateitwiththanksgivings，alltheyearsofourlife。\" \"Wewill，wewill，Alonzo!\" \"Fourminutesaftersix，intheevening，myRosannah，shallhenceforth——\" \"Twenty-threeminutesaftertwelve，afternoonshall——\" \"Why；Rosannah，darling，whereareyou？\" \"InHonolulu，SandwichIslands。Andwhereareyou？Staybyme；donotleavemeforamoment。Icannotbearit。Areyouathome？\" \"No，dear，IaminNewYork——apatientinthedoctor\'shands。\" AnagonizingshriekcamebuzzingtoAlonzo\'sear，likethesharpbuzzingofahurtgnat；itlostpowerintravelingfivethousandmiles。Alonzohastenedtosay: \"Calm——yourself，mychild。Itisnothing。AlreadyIamgettingwellunderthesweethealingofyourpresence。Rosannah？\" \"Yes，Alonzo？Oh，howyouterrifiedme!Sayon。\" \"Namethehappyday，Rosannah!\" Therewasalittlepause。Thenadiffidentsmallvoicereplied，\"Iblush——butitiswithpleasure，itiswithhappiness。Would——wouldyouliketohaveitsoon？\" \"Thisverynight，Rosannah!Oh，letusrisknomoredelays。Letitbenow!——thisverynight，thisverymoment!\" \"Oh，youimpatientcreature!Ihavenobodyherebutmygoodolduncle，amissionaryforageneration，andnowretiredfromservice——nobodybuthimandhiswife。IwouldsodearlylikeitifyourmotherandyourAuntSusan——\" \"OurmotherandourAuntSusan，myRosannah。\" \"Yes，ourmotherandourAuntSusan——Iamcontenttoworditsoifitpleasesyou；Iwouldsoliketohavethempresent。\" \"SowouldI。SupposeyoutelegraphAuntSusan。Howlongwouldittakehertocome？\" \"ThesteamerleavesSanFranciscodayaftertomorrow。Thepassageiseightdays。Shewouldbeherethe31stofMarch。\" \"Thennamethe1stofApril；do，Rosannah，dear。\" \"Mercy，itwouldmakeusAprilfools，Alonzo!\" \"Sowebethehappiestonesthatthatday\'ssuitlooksdownuponinthewholebroadexpanseoftheglobe，whyneedwecare？Callitthe1stofApril，dear。\" \"Thenthe1stofAprilatshallbe，withallmyheart!\" \"Oh，happiness!Namethehour，too，Rosannah。\" \"Ilikethemorning，itissoblithe。Willeightinthemorningdo，Alonzo？\" \"Theloveliesthourintheday——sinceitwillmakeyoumine。\" Therewasafeeblebutfranticsoundforsomelittletime，asifwool-upped，disembodiedspiritswereexchangingkisses；thenRosannahsaid，\"Excusemejustamoment，dear；Ihaveanappointment，andamcalledtomeetit。\" Theyounggirlsoughtalargeparlorandtookherplaceatawindowwhichlookedoutuponabeautifulscene。TotheleftonecouldviewthecharmingNuuanaValley，fringedwithitsruddyflushoftropicalflowersanditsplumedandgracefulcocoapalms；itsrisingfoothillsclothedintheshininggreenoflemon，citron，andorangegroves；itsstoriedprecipicebeyond，wherethefirstKamehamehadrovehisdefeatedfoesovertotheirdestruction，aspotthathadforgottenitsgrimhistory，nodoubt，fornowitwassmiling，asalmostalwaysatnoonday，undertheglowingarchesofasuccessionofrainbows。Infrontofthewindowonecouldseethequainttown，andhereandthereapicturesquegroupofduskynatives，enjoyingtheblisteringweather；andfartotherightlaytherestlessocean，tossingitswhitemaneinthesunshine。 Rosannahstoodthere，inherfilmywhiteraiment，fanningherflushedandheatedface，waiting。AKanakaboy，clothedinadamagedbluenecktieandpartofasilkhat，thrusthisheadinatthedoor，andannounced，\"\'Friscohaole!\" \"Showhimin，\"saidthegirl，straighteningherselfupandassumingameaningdignity。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurleyentered，cladfromheadtoheelindazzlingsnow——thatistosay，inthelightestandwhitestofIrishlinen。Hemovedeagerlyforward，butthegirlmadeagestureandgavehimalookwhichcheckedhimsuddenly。Shesaid，coldly，\"Iamhere，asIpromised。Ibelievedyourassertions，Iyieldedtoyourimportunelies，andsaidIwouldnametheday。Inamethe1stofApril—— eightinthemorning。NOWGO!\" \"Oh，mydearest，ifthegratitudeofalifetime——\" \"Notaword。Sparemeallsightofyou，allcommunicationwithyou，untilthathour。No-nosupplications；Iwillhaveitso。\" Whenhewasgone，shesankexhaustedinachair，forthelongsiegeoftroublesshehadundergonehadwastedherstrength。Presentlyshesaid，\"Whatanarrowescape!Ifthehourappointedhadbeenanhourearlier——Oh，horror，whatanescapeIhavemade!AndtothinkIhadcometoimagineIwaslovingthisbeguiling，thistruthless，thistreacherousmonster!Oh，heshallrepenthisvillainy!\" Letusnowdrawthishistorytoaclose，forlittlemoreneedstobetold。Onthe2doftheensuingApril，theHonoluluAdvertisercontainedthisnotice: MARRIED——Inthiscity，bytelephone，yesterdaymorning，——ateighto\'clock，byRev。NathanHays，assistedbyRev。NathanielDavis，ofNewYork，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，U。S。，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon，U。S。Mrs。SusanHowland，ofSanFrancisco，afriendofthebride，waspresent，shebeingtheguestoftheRev。Mr。Haysandwife，uncleandauntofthebride。Mr。SidneyAlgernonBurley，ofSanFrancisco，wasalsopresentbutdidnotremaintilltheconclusionofthemarriageservice。CaptainHawthorne\'sbeautifulyacht，tastefullydecorated，wasinwaiting，andthehappybrideandherfriendsimmediatelydepartedonabridaltriptoLahainaandHaleakala。 TheNewYorkpapersofthesamedatecontainedthisnotice: MARRIED——Inthiscity，yesterday，bytelephone，athalf-pasttwointhemorning，byRev。NathanielDavis，assistedbyRev。NathanHays，ofHonolulu，Mr。AlonzoFitzClarence，ofEastport，Maine，andMissRosannahEthelton，ofPortland，Oregon。Theparentsandseveralfriendsofthebridegroomwerepresent，andenjoyedasumptuousbreakfastandmuchfestivityuntilnearlysunrise，andthendepartedonabridaltriptotheAquarium，thebridegroom\'sstateofhealthnotadmittingofamoreextendedjourney。 TowardthecloseofthatmemorabledayMr。andMrs。AlonzoFitzClarencewereburiedinsweetconverseconcerningthepleasuresoftheirseveralbridaltours，whensuddenlytheyoungwifeexclaimed:\"Oh，Lonny，I forgot!IdidwhatIsaidIwould。\" \"Didyou，dear？\" \"Indeed，Idid。ImadehimtheAprilfool!AndItoldhimso，too! Ah，itwasacharmingsurprise!Therehestood，swelteringinablackdress-suit，withthemercuryleakingoutofthetopofthethermometer，waitingtobemarried。YoushouldhaveseenthelookhegavewhenI whispereditinhisear。Ah，hiswickednesscostmemanyaheartacheandmanyatear，butthescorewasallsquaredup，then。Sothevengefulfeelingwentrightoutofmyheart，andIbeggedhimtostay，andsaidI forgavehimeverything。Buthewouldn\'t。Hesaidhewouldlivetobeavenged；saidhewouldmakeourlivesacursetous。Buthecan\'t，canhe，dear？\" \"Neverinthisworld，myRosannah!\" AuntSusan，theOregoniangrandmother，andtheyoungcoupleandtheirEastportparents，areallhappyatthiswriting，andlikelytoremainso。 AuntSusanbroughtthebridefromtheislands，accompaniedheracrossourcontinent，andhadthehappinessofwitnessingtherapturousmeetingbetweenanadoringhusbandandwifewhohadneverseeneachotheruntilthatmoment。 AwordaboutthewretchedBurley，whosewickedmachinationscamesonearwreckingtheheartsandlivesofourpooryoungfriends，willbesufficient。Inamurderousattempttoseizeacrippledandhelplessartisanwhohefanciedhaddonehimsomesmalloffense，hefellintoacaldronofboilingoilandexpiredbeforehecouldbeextinguished。 ONTHEDECAYOFTHEARTOFLYING ESSAY，FORDISCUSSION，READATAMEETINGOFTHEHISTORICALAND ANTIQUARIANCLUBOFHARTFORD，ANDOFFEREDFORTHETHIRTY-DOLLARPRIZE。 NOWFIRSTPUBLISHED——[Didnottaketheprize] Observe，Idonotmeantosuggestthatthecustomoflyinghassufferedanydecayorinterruption——no，fortheLie，asaVirtue，aPrinciple，iseternal；theLie，asarecreation，asolace，arefugeintimeofneed，thefourthGrace，thetenthMuse，man\'sbestandsurestfriend，isimmortal，andcannotperishfromtheearthwhilethisClubremains。Mycomplaintsimplyconcernsthedecayoftheartoflying。Nohigh-mindedman，nomanofrightfeeling，cancontemplatethelumberingandslovenlylyingofthepresentdaywithoutgrievingtoseeanobleartsoprostituted。InthisveteranpresenceInaturallyenteruponthisschemewithdiffidence；itislikeanoldmaidtryingtoteachnurserymatterstothemothersinIsrael。Itwouldnotbecomemetocriticizeyou，gentlemen，whoarenearlyallmyelders——andmysuperiors，inthisthing—— andso，ifIshouldhereandthereseemtodoit，Itrustitwillinmostcasesbemoreinaspiritofadmirationthanoffault-finding； indeed，ifthisfinestofthefineartshadeverywherereceivedtheattention，encouragement，andconscientiouspracticeanddevelopmentwhichthisClubhasdevotedtoitIshouldnotneedtoutterthislamentorshedasingletear。Idonotsaythistoflatter:Isayitinaspiritofjustandappreciativerecognition。 [Ithadbeenmyintention，atthispoint，tomentionnamesandgiveillustrativespecimens，butindicationsobservableaboutmeadmonishedmetobewareofparticularsandconfinemyselftogeneralities。] Nofactismorefirmlyestablishedthanthatlyingisanecessityofourcircumstances——thedeductionthatitisthenaVirtuegoeswithoutsaying。Novirtuecanreachitshighestusefulnesswithoutcarefulanddiligentcultivation——therefore，itgoeswithoutsayingthatthisoneoughttobetaughtinthepublicschools——atthefireside——eveninthenewspapers。Whatchancehastheignorant，uncultivatedliaragainsttheeducatedexpert？WhatchancehaveIagainstMr。Per——againstalawyer？ Judiciouslyingiswhattheworldneeds。Isometimesthinkitwereevenbetterandsafernottolieatallthantolieinjudiciously。Anawkward，unscientificlieisoftenasineffectualasthetruth。 Nowletusseewhatthephilosopherssay。Notethatvenerableproverb: Childrenandfoolsalwaysspeakthetruth。Thedeductionisplain——adultsandwisepersonsneverspeakit。Parkman，thehistorian，says，\"Theprincipleoftruthmayitselfbecarriedintoanabsurdity。\"Inanotherplaceinthesamechapterhesays，\"Thesayingisoldthattruthshouldnotbespokenatalltimes；andthosewhomasickconscienceworriesintohabitualviolationofthemaximareimbecilesandnuisances。\"Itisstronglanguage，buttrue。Noneofuscouldlivewithanhabitualtruth-teller；but，thankgoodness，noneofushasto。Anhabitualtruth-tellerissimplyanimpossiblecreature；hedoesnotexist；heneverhasexisted。Ofcoursetherearepeoplewhothinktheyneverlie，butitisnotso——andthisignoranceisoneoftheverythingsthatshameourso-calledcivilization。Everybodylies——everyday；everyhour；awake；asleep；inhisdreams；inhisjoy；inhismourning；ifhekeepshistonguestill，hishands，hisfeet，hiseyes，hisattitude，willconveydeception——andpurposely。Eveninsermons——butthatisaplatitude。 InafarcountrywhereIoncelivedtheladiesusedtogoaroundpayingcalls，underthehumaneandkindlypretenseofwantingtoseeeachother； andwhentheyreturnedhome，theywouldcryoutwithagladvoice，saying，\"Wemadesixteencallsandfoundfourteenofthemout\"——notmeaningthattheyfoundoutanythingagainstthefourteen——no，thatwasonlyacolloquialphrasetosignifythattheywerenotathome——andtheirmannerofsayingit——expressedtheirlivelysatisfactioninthatfact。 Now，theirpretenseofwantingtoseethefourteen——andtheothertwowhomtheyhadbeenlessluckywith——wasthatcommonestandmildestformoflyingwhichissufficientlydescribedasadeflectionfromthetruth。 Isitjustifiable？Mostcertainly。Itisbeautiful，itisnoble；foritsobjectis，nottoreapprofit，buttoconveyapleasuretothesixteen。Theiron-souledtruth-mongerwouldplainlymanifest，orevenutterthefact，thathedidn\'twanttoseethosepeople——andhewouldbeanass，andinflictatotallyunnecessarypain。Andnext，thoseladiesinthatfarcountry——butnevermind，theyhadathousandpleasantwaysoflying，thatgrewoutofgentleimpulses，andwereacredittotheirintelligenceandathonortotheirhearts。Lettheparticularsgo。 Themeninthatfarcountrywereliars；everyone。Theirmerehowdy-dowasalie，becausetheydidn\'tcarehowyoudid，excepttheywereundertakers。Totheordinaryinquireryouliedinreturn；foryoumadenoconscientiousdiagnosisofyourcase，butansweredatrandom，andusuallymisseditconsiderably。Youliedtotheundertaker，andsaidyourhealthwasfailing——awhollycommendablelie，sinceitcostyounothingandpleasedtheotherman。Ifastrangercalledandinterruptedyou，yousaidwithyourheartytongue，\"I\'mgladtoseeyou，\"andsaidwithyourheartiersoul，\"Iwishyouwerewiththecannibalsanditwasdinner-time。\"Whenhewent，yousaidregretfully，\"Mustyougo？\"andfolloweditwitha\"Callagain\"；butyoudidnoharm，foryoudidnotdeceiveanybodynorinflictanyhurt，whereasthetruthwouldhavemadeyoubothunhappy。 Ithinkthatallthiscourteouslyingisasweetandlovingart，andshouldbecultivated，Thehighestperfectionofpolitenessisonlyabeautifuledifice，built，fromthebasetothedome，ofgracefulandgildedformsofcharitableandunselfishlying。 WhatIbemoanisthegrowingprevalenceofthebrutaltruth。Letusdowhatwecantoeradicateit。Aninjurioustruthhasnomeritoveraninjuriouslie。Neithershouldeverbeuttered。Themanwhospeaksaninjurioustruth，lesthissoulbenotsavedifhedootherwise，shouldreflectthatthatsortofasoulisnotstrictlyworthsaving。Themanwhotellsalietohelpapoordeviloutoftroubleisoneofwhomtheangelsdoubtlesssay，\"Lo，hereisanheroicsoulwhocastshisownwelfareintojeopardytosuccorhisneighbor\'s；letusexaltthismagnanimousliar。\" Aninjuriouslieisanuncommendablething；andso，also，andinthesamedegree，isaninjurioustruth——afactwhichisrecognizedbythelawoflibel。 Amongothercommonlies，wehavethesilentliethedeceptionwhichoneconveysbysimplykeepingstillandconcealingthetruth。Manyobstinatetruth-mongersindulgeinthisdissipation，imaginingthatiftheyspeaknolie，theylienotatall。InthatfarcountrywhereIoncelived，therewasalovelyspirit，aladywhoseimpulseswerealwayshighandpure，andwhosecharacteransweredtothem。OnedayIwasthereatdinner，andremarked，inageneralway，thatweareallliars。Shewasamazed，andsaid，\"Notall!\"Itwasbefore\"Pinafore\'s\"timesoIdidnotmaketheresponsewhichwouldnaturallyfollowinourday，butfranklysaid，\"Yes，all——weareallliars；therearenoexceptions。\" Shelookedalmostoffended，andsaid，\"Why，doyouincludeme？\" \"Certainly，\"Isaid，\"Ithinkyouevenrankasanexpert。\"Shesaid，\"\'Sh!——\'sh!thechildren!\" Sothesubjectwaschangedindeferencetothechildren\'spresence，andwewentontalkingaboutotherthings。Butassoonastheyoungpeoplewereoutoftheway，theladycamewarmlybacktothematterandsaid，\"Ihavemadeittheruleofmylifetonevertellalie；andIhaveneverdepartedfromitinasingleinstance。\"Isaid，\"Idon\'tmeantheleastharmordisrespect，butreallyyouhavebeenlyinglikesmokeeversinceI\'vebeensittinghere。Ithascausedmeagooddealofpain，becauseI amnotusedtoit。\"Sherequiredofmeaninstance——justasingleinstance。SoIsaid: \"Well，hereistheunfilledduplicateoftheblankwhichtheOaklandhospitalpeoplesenttoyoubythehandofthesick-nursewhenshecameheretonurseyourlittlenephewthroughhisdangerousillness。Thisblankasksallmannerofquestionsastotheconductofthatsick-nurse: \'Didsheeversleeponherwatch？Didsheeverforgettogivethemedicine？\'andsoforthandsoon。Youarewarnedtobeverycarefulandexplicitinyouranswers，forthewelfareoftheservicerequiresthatthenursesbepromptlyfinedorotherwisepunishedforderelictions。 Youtoldmeyouwereperfectlydelightedwiththatnurse——thatshehadathousandperfectionsandonlyonefault:youfoundyounevercoulddependonherwrappingJohnnyuphalfsufficientlywhilehewaitedinachillychairforhertorearrangethewarmbed。Youfilleduptheduplicateofthispaper，andsentitbacktothehospitalbythehandofthenurse。 Howdidyouanswerthisquestion——\'Wasthenurseatanytimeguiltyofanegligencewhichwaslikelytoresultinthepatient\'stakingcold？\' Come——everythingisdecidedbyabethereinCalifornia:tendollarstotencentsyouliedwhenyouansweredthatquestion。\"Shesaid，\"I didn\'t；Ileftitblank!\"\"Justso——youhavetoldasilentlie；youhaveleftittobeinferredthatyouhadnofaulttofindinthatmatter。\" Shesaid，\"Oh，wasthatalie？AndhowcouldImentionheronesinglefault，andsheso，good？——itwouldhavebeencruel。\"Isaid，\"Oneoughtalwaystoliewhenonecandogoodbyit；yourimpulsewasright，but，yourjudgmentwascrude；thiscomesofunintelligentpractice。Nowobservetheresultofthisinexpertdeflectionofyours。YouknowMr。 Jones\'sWillieislyingverylowwithscarletfever；well，yourrecommendationwassoenthusiasticthatthatgirlistherenursinghim，andtheworn-outfamilyhaveallbeentrustinglysoundasleepforthelastfourteenhours，leavingtheirdarlingwithfullconfidenceinthosefatalhands，becauseyou，likeyoungGeorgeWashington，haveareputa—— However，ifyouarenotgoingtohaveanythingtodo，Iwillcomearoundto-morrowandwe\'llattendthefuneraltogether，for，ofcourse，you\'llnaturallyfeelapeculiarinterestinWillie\'scase——aspersonalaone，infact，astheundertaker。\" Butthatwasalllost。BeforeIwashalf-waythroughshewasinacarriageandmakingthirtymilesanhourtowardtheJonesmansiontosavewhatwasleftofWillieandtellallsheknewaboutthedeadlynurse。 Allofwhichwasunnecessary，asWilliewasn\'tsick；Ihadbeenlyingmyself。Butthatsameday，allthesame，shesentalinetothehospitalwhichfilleduptheneglectedblank，andstatedthefacts，too，inthesquarestpossiblemanner。 Now，yousee，thislady\'sfaultwasnotinlying，butonlyinlyinginjudiciously。Sheshouldhavetoldthe，truth，there，andmadeituptothenursewithafraudulentcomplimentfurtheralonginthepaper。Shecouldhavesaid，\"Inonerespectthesick-nurseisperfection——whensheisonwatch，sheneversnores。\"Almostanylittlepleasantliewouldhavetakenthestingoutofthattroublesomebutnecessaryexpressionofthetruth。 Lyingisuniversalwealldoit；weallmustdoit。Therefore，thewisethingisforusdiligentlytotrainourselvestoliethoughtfully，judiciously；toliewithagoodobject，andnotanevilone；tolieforothers\'advantage，andnotourown；toliehealingly，charitably，humanely，notcruelly，hurtfully，maliciously；toliegracefullyandgraciously，notawkwardlyandclumsily；toliefirmly，frankly，squarely，withheaderect，nothaltingly，tortuously，withpusillanimousmien，asbeingashamedofourhighcalling。Thenshallweberidoftherankandpestilenttruththatisrottingtheland；thenshallwebegreatandgoodandbeautiful，andworthydwellersinaworldwhereevenbenignNaturehabituallylies，exceptwhenshepromisesexecrableweather。Then——ButIambutanewandfeeblestudentinthisgraciousart；IcannotinstructthisClub。 Jokingaside，Ithinkthereismuchneedofwiseexaminationintowhatsortsofliesarebestandwholesomesttobeindulged，seeingwemustalllieanddoalllie，andwhatsortsitmaybebesttoavoid——andthisisathingwhichIfeelIcanconfidentlyputintothehandsofthisexperiencedClub——aripebody，whomaybetermed，inthisregard，andwithoutundueflattery，OldMasters。 ABOUTMAGNANIMOUS-INCIDENTLITERATURE Allmylife，fromboyhoodup，Ihavehadthehabitofreadingacertainsetofanecdotes，writteninthequaintveinofTheWorld\'singeniousFabulist，forthelessontheytaughtmeandthepleasuretheygaveme。 Theylayalwaysconvenienttomyhand，andwheneverIthoughtmeanlyofmykindIturnedtothem，andtheybanishedthatsentiment；wheneverI feltmyselftobeselfish，sordid，andignobleIturnedtothem，andtheytoldmewhattodotowinbackmyself-respect。ManytimesIwishedthatthecharminganecdoteshadnotstoppedwiththeirhappyclimaxes，buthadcontinuedthepleasinghistoryoftheseveralbenefactorsandbeneficiaries。ThiswishroseinmybreastsopersistentlythatatlastIdeterminedtosatisfyitbyseekingoutthesequelsofthoseanecdotesmyself。SoIsetaboutit，andaftergreatlaborandtediousresearchaccomplishedmytask。Iwilllaytheresultbeforeyou，givingyoueachanecdoteinitsturn，andfollowingitwithitssequelasIgathereditthroughmyinvestigations。