第6章

类别:其他 作者:Edith Wharton字数:27624更新时间:18/12/19 16:53:04
\"Hangit,Ibelieveeverymanintownhasanengagementtonight。 Ishallhavethedubtomyself。YouknowhowI’mlivingthiswinter,rattlingroundinthatemptyhouse。Mywifemeanttocometotowntoday,butshe’sputitoffagain,andhowisafellowtodinealoneinaroomwiththelooking-glassescovered,andnothingbutabottleofHarveysauceontheside-board?Isay,Lawrence,chuckyourengagementandtakepityonme——itgivesmethebluedevilstodinealone,andthere’snobodybutthatcantingassWetherallintheclub。\" \"Sorry,Gus——Ican’tdoit。\" AsSeldenturnedaway,henoticedthedarkflushonTrenor’sface,theunpleasantmoistureofhisintenselywhiteforehead,thewayhisjewelledringswerewedgedinthecreasesofhisfatredfingers。Certainlythebeastwaspredominating——thebeastatthebottomoftheglass。Andhehadheardthisman’snamecoupledwithLily’s!Bah——thethoughtsickenedhim;allthewaybacktohisroomshewashauntedbythesightofTrenor’sfatcreasedhands—— Onhistablelaythenote:Lilyhadsentittohisrooms。Heknewwhatwasinitbeforehebroketheseal——agreysealwithBEYOND! beneathaflyingship。Ah,hewouldtakeherbeyond——beyondtheugliness,thepettiness,theattritionandcorrosionofthesoul—— Gerty’slittlesitting-roomsparkledwithwelcomewhenSeldenenteredit。Itsmodest\"effects,\"compactofenamelpaintandingenuity,spoketohiminthelanguagejustthensweetesttohisear。Itissurprisinghowlittlenarrowwallsandalowceilingmatter,whentheroofofthesoulhassuddenlybeenraised。Gertysparkledtoo;oratleastshonewithatemperedradiance。Hehadneverbeforenoticedthatshehad\"points\"——really,somegoodfellowmightdoworse……Overthelittledinner(andhere,again,theeffectswerewonderful)hetoldhersheoughttomarry——hewasinamoodtopairoffthewholeworld。Shehadmadethecaramelcustardwithherownhands?Itwassinfultokeepsuchgiftstoherself。HereflectedwithathrobofpridethatLilycouldtrimherownhats——shehadtoldhimsothedayoftheirwalkatBellomont。 HedidnotspeakofLilytillafterdinner。Duringthelittlerepasthekeptthetalkonhishostess,who,flutteredatbeingthecentreofobservation,shoneasrosyasthecandle-shadesshehadmanufacturedfortheoccasion。Seldenevincedanextraordinaryinterestinherhouseholdarrangements: complimentedherontheingenuitywithwhichshehadutilizedeveryinchofhersmallquarters,askedhowherservantmanagedaboutafternoonsout,learnedthatonemayimprovisedeliciousdinnersinachafing-dish,andutteredthoughtfulgeneralizationsontheburdenofalargeestablishment。 Whentheywereinthesitting-roomagain,wheretheyfittedassnuglyasbitsinapuzzle,andshehadbrewedthecoffee,andpoureditintohergrandmother’segg-shellcups,hiseye,asheleanedback,baskinginthewarmfragrance,lightedonarecentphotographofMissBart,andthedesiredtransitionwaseffectedwithoutaneffort。Thephotographwaswellenough——buttocatchherasshehadlookedlastnight!Gertyagreedwithhim——neverhadshebeensoradiant。Butcouldphotographycapturethatlight?Therehadbeenanewlookinherface——somethingdifferent;yes,Seldenagreedtherehadbeensomethingdifferent。 Thecoffeewassoexquisitethatheaskedforasecondcup:suchacontrasttothewaterystuffattheclub!Ah,yourpoorbachelorwithhisimpersonalclubfare,alternatingwiththeequallyimpersonalCUISINEofthedinner-party!Amanwholivedinlodgingsmissedthebestpartoflife——hepicturedtheflavourlesssolitudeofTrenor’srepast,andfeltamoment’scompassionfortheman……ButtoreturntoLily——andagainandagainhereturned,questioning,conjecturing,leadingGertyon,drainingherinmostthoughtsoftheirstoredtendernessforherfriend。 Atfirstshepouredherselfoutunstintingly,happyinthisperfectcommunionoftheirsympathies。HisunderstandingofLilyhelpedtoconfirmherownbeliefinherfriend。TheydwelttogetheronthefactthatLilyhadhadnochance。Gertyinstancedhergenerousimpulses——herrestlessnessanddiscontent。Thefactthatherlifehadneversatisfiedherprovedthatshewasmadeforbetterthings。Shemighthavemarriedmorethanonce——theconventionalrichmarriagewhichshehadbeentaughttoconsiderthesoleendofexistence——butwhentheopportunitycameshehadalwaysshrunkfromit。PercyGryce,forinstance,hadbeeninlovewithher——everyoneatBellomonthadsupposedthemtobeengaged,andherdismissalofhimwasthoughtinexplicable。ThisviewoftheGryceincidentchimedtoowellwithSelden’smoodnottobeinstantlyadoptedbyhim,withaflashofretrospectivecontemptforwhathadonceseemedtheobvioussolution。Ifrejectiontherehadbeen——andhewonderednowthathehadeverdoubtedit!——thenheheldthekeytothesecret,andthehillsidesofBellomontwerelitup,notwithsunset,butwithdawn。Itwashewhohadwaveredanddisownedthefaceofopportunity——andthejoynowwarminghisbreastmighthavebeenafamiliarinmateifhehadcaptureditinitsfirstflight。 Itwasatthispoint,perhaps,thatajoyjusttryingitswingsinGerty’sheartdroppedtoearthandlaystill。ShesatfacingSelden,repeatingmechanically:\"No,shehasneverbeenunderstood——\"andallthewhilesheherselfseemedtobesittinginthecentreofagreatglareofcomprehension。Thelittleconfidentialroom,whereamomentagotheirthoughtshadtouchedelbowsliketheirchairs,grewtounfriendlyvastness,separatingherfromSeldenbyallthelengthofhernewvisionofthefuture——andthatfuturestretchedoutinterminably,withherlonelyfiguretoilingdownit,amerespeckonthesolitude。 \"Sheisherselfwithafewpeopleonly;andyouareoneofthem,\" sheheardSeldensaying。Andagain:\"Begoodtoher,Gerty,won’tyou?\"and:\"Shehasitinhertobecomewhateversheisbelievedtobe——you’llhelpherbybelievingthebestofher?\" ThewordsbeatonGerty’sbrainlikethesoundofalanguagewhichhasseemedfamiliaratadistance,butonapproachingisfoundtobeunintelligible。HehadcometotalktoherofLily——thatwasall!Therehadbeenathirdatthefeastshehadspreadforhim,andthatthirdhadtakenherownplace。Shetriedtofollowwhathewassaying,toclingtoherownpartinthetalk——butitwasallasmeaninglessastheboomofwavesinadrowninghead,andshefelt,asthedrowningmayfeel,thattosinkwouldbenothingbesidethepainofstrugglingtokeepup。 Seldenrose,andshedrewadeepbreath,feelingthatsoonshecouldyieldtotheblessedwaves。 \"Mrs。Fisher’s?Yousayshewasdiningthere?There’smusicafterward;IbelieveIhadacardfromher。\"Heglancedatthefoolishpink-facedclockthatwasdrummingoutthishideoushour。\"Aquarterpastten?Imightlookintherenow;theFishereveningsareamusing。Ihaven’tkeptyouuptoolate,Gerty?Youlooktired——I’verambledonandboredyou。\"Andintheunwontedoverflowofhisfeelings,heleftacousinlykissuponhercheek。 AtMrs。Fisher’s,throughthecigar-smokeofthestudio,adozenvoicesgreetedSelden。Asongwaspendingasheentered,andhedroppedintoaseatnearhishostess,hiseyesroaminginsearchofMissBart。Butshewasnotthere,andthediscoverygavehimapangoutofallproportiontoitsseriousness;sincethenoteinhisbreast-pocketassuredhimthatatfourthenextdaytheywouldmeet。Tohisimpatienceitseemedimmeasurablylongtowait,andhalf-ashamedoftheimpulse,heleanedtoMrs。Fishertoask,asthemusicceased,ifMissBarthadnotdinedwithher。 \"Lily?She’sjustgone。Shehadtorunoff,Iforgetwhere。 Wasn’tshewonderfullastnight?\" \"Who’sthat?Lily?\"askedJackStepney,fromthedepthsofaneighbouringarm-chair。\"Really,youknow,I’mnoprude,butwhenitcomestoagirlstandingthereasifshewasupatauction——I thoughtseriouslyofspeakingtocousinJulia。\" \"Youdidn’tknowJackhadbecomeoursocialcensor?\"Mrs。FishersaidtoSeldenwithalaugh;andStepneyspluttered,amidthegeneralderision:\"Butshe’sacousin,hangit,andwhenaman’smarried——TOWNTALKwasfullofherthismorning。\" \"Yes:livelyreadingthatwas,\"saidMr。NedVanAlstyne,strokinghismoustachetohidethesmilebehindit。\"Buythedirtysheet?No,ofcoursenot;somefellowshowedittome——butI’dheardthestoriesbefore。Whenagirl’sasgood-lookingasthatshe’dbettermarry;thennoquestionsareasked。Inourimperfectlyorganizedsocietythereisnoprovisionasyetfortheyoungwomanwhoclaimstheprivilegesofmarriagewithoutassumingitsobligations。\" \"Well,IunderstandLilyisabouttoassumethemintheshapeofMr。Rosedale,\"Mrs。Fishersaidwithalaugh。 \"Rosedale——goodheavens!\"exclaimedVanAlstyne,droppinghiseye-glass。\"Stepney,that’syourfaultforfoistingthebruteonus。\" \"Oh,confoundit,youknow,wedon’tMARRYRosedaleinourfamily,\"Stepneylanguidlyprotested;buthiswife,whosatinoppressivebridalfineryattheothersideoftheroom,quelledhimwiththejudicialreflection:\"InLily’scircumstancesit’samistaketohavetoohighastandard。\" \"IhearevenRosedalehasbeenscaredbythetalklately,\"Mrs。 Fisherrejoined;\"butthesightofherlastnightsenthimoffhishead。WhatdoyouthinkhesaidtomeafterherTABLEAU? ’MyGod,Mrs。Fisher,ifIcouldgetPaulMorpethtopaintherlikethat,thepicture’dappreciateahundredpercentintenyears。’\" \"ByJove,——butisn’tsheaboutsomewhere?\"exclaimedVanAlstyne,restoringhisglasswithanuneasyglance。 \"No;sheranoffwhileyouwereallmixingthepunchdownstairs。 Wherewasshegoing,bytheway?What’sontonight?Ihadn’theardofanything。\" \"Oh,notaparty,Ithink,\"saidaninexperiencedyoungFarishwhohadarrivedlate。\"IputherinhercabasIwascomingin,andshegavethedrivertheTrenors’address。\" \"TheTrenors’?\"exclaimedMrs。JackStepney。\"Why,thehouseisclosed——JudytelephonedmefromBellomontthisevening。\" \"Didshe?That’squeer。I’msureI’mnotmistaken。Well,comenow,Trenor’sthere,anyhow——I——oh,well——thefactis,I’venoheadfornumbers,\"hebrokeoff,admonishedbythenudgeofanadjoiningfoot,andthesmilethatcircledtheroom。 InitsunpleasantlightSeldenhadrisenandwasshakinghandswithhishostess。Theairoftheplacestifledhim,andhewonderedwhyhehadstayedinitsolong。 Onthedoorstephestoodstill,rememberingaphraseofLily’s: \"Itseemstomeyouspendagooddealoftimeintheelementyoudisapproveof。\" Well——whathadbroughthimtherebutthequestofher?Itwasherelement,nothis。Buthewouldliftheroutofit,takeherbeyond!ThatBEYOND!onherletterwaslikeacryforrescue。HeknewthatPerseus’staskisnotdonewhenhehasloosedAndromeda’schains,forherlimbsarenumbwithbondage,andshecannotriseandwalk,butclingstohimwithdraggingarmsashebeatsbacktolandwithhisburden。Well,hehadstrengthforboth——itwasherweaknesswhichhadputthestrengthinhim。Itwasnot,alas,acleanrushofwavestheyhadtowinthrough,butacloggingmorassofoldassociationsandhabits,andforthemomentitsvapourswereinhisthroat。Buthewouldseeclearer,breathefreerinherpresence:shewasatoncethedeadweightathisbreastandthesparwhichshouldfloatthemtosafety。Hesmiledatthewhirlofmetaphorwithwhichhewastryingtobuildupadefenceagainsttheinfluencesofthelasthour。Itwaspitiablethathe,whoknewthemixedmotivesonwhichsocialjudgmentsdepend,shouldstillfeelhimselfsoswayedbythem。HowcouldheliftLilytoafreervisionoflife,ifhisownviewofherwastobecolouredbyanymindinwhichhesawherreflected? Themoraloppressionhadproducedaphysicalcravingforair,andhestrodeon,openinghislungstothereverberatingcoldnessofthenight。AtthecornerofFifthAvenueVanAlstynehailedhimwithanofferofcompany。 \"Walking?Agoodthingtoblowthesmokeoutofone’shead。Nowthatwomenhavetakentotobaccoweliveinabathofnicotine。 Itwouldbeacuriousthingtostudytheeffectofcigarettesontherelationofthesexes。Smokeisalmostasgreatasolventasdivorce:bothtendtoobscurethemoralissue。\" NothingcouldhavebeenlessconsonantwithSelden’smoodthanVanAlstyne’safter-dinneraphorisms,butaslongasthelatterconfinedhimselftogeneralitieshislistener’snerveswereincontrol。HappilyVanAlstynepridedhimselfonhissummingupofsocialaspects,andwithSeldenforaudiencewaseagertoshowthesurenessofhistouch。Mrs。FisherlivedinanEastsidestreetnearthePark,andasthetwomenwalkeddownFifthAvenuethenewarchitecturaldevelopmentsofthatversatilethoroughfareinvitedVanAlstyne’scomment。 \"ThatGreinerhouse,now——atypicalrunginthesocialladder! ThemanwhobuiltitcamefromaMILIEUwhereallthedishesareputonthetableatonce。Hisfacadeisacompletearchitecturalmeal;ifhehadomittedastylehisfriendsmighthavethoughtthemoneyhadgivenout。NotabadpurchaseforRosedale,though: attractsattention,andawestheWesternsight-seer。Byandbyehe’llgetoutofthatphase,andwantsomethingthatthecrowdwillpassandthefewpausebefore。Especiallyifhemarriesmyclevercousin——\" Seldendashedinwiththequery:\"AndtheWellingtonBrys’? Rathercleverofitskind,don’tyouthink?\" Theywerejustbeneaththewidewhitefacade,withitsrichrestraintofline,whichsuggestedtheclevercorsetingofaredundantfigure。 \"That’sthenextstage:thedesiretoimplythatonehasbeentoEurope,andhasastandard。I’msureMrs。BrythinksherhouseacopyoftheTRIANON;inAmericaeverymarblehousewithgiltfurnitureisthoughttobeacopyoftheTRIANON。Whatacleverchapthatarchitectis,though——howhetakeshisclient’smeasure!HehasputthewholeofMrs。Bryinhisuseofthecompositeorder。NowfortheTrenors,youremember,hechosetheCorinthian:exuberant,butbasedonthebestprecedent。TheTrenorhouseisoneofhisbestthings——doesn’tlooklikeabanqueting-hallturnedinsideout。IhearMrs。Trenorwantstobuildoutanewball-room,andthatdivergencefromGusonthatpointkeepsheratBellomont。ThedimensionsoftheBrys’ ball-roommustrankle:youmaybesuresheknows’emaswellasifshe’dbeentherelastnightwithayard-measure。Whosaidshewasintown,bytheway?ThatFarishboy?Sheisn’t,Iknow;Mrs。 Stepneywasright;thehouseisdark,yousee:IsupposeGuslivesintheback。\" HehadhaltedoppositetheTrenors’comer,andSeldenperforcestayedhisstepsalso。Thehouseloomedobscureanduninhabited; onlyanoblonggleamabovethedoorspokeofprovisionaloccupancy。 \"They’veboughtthehouseattheback:itgivesthemahundredandfiftyfeetinthesidestreet。There’swheretheball-room’stobe,withagalleryconnectingit:billiard-roomandsoonabove。Isuggestedchangingtheentrance,andcarryingthedrawing-roomacrossthewholeFifthAvenuefront;youseethefrontdoorcorrespondswiththewindows——\" Thewalking-stickwhichVanAlstyneswungindemonstrationdroppedtoastartled\"Hallo!\"asthedooropenedandtwofigureswereseensilhouettedagainstthehall-light。Atthesamemomentahansomhaltedatthecurb-stone,andoneofthefiguresfloateddowntoitinahazeofeveningdraperies;whiletheother,blackandbulky,remainedpersistentlyprojectedagainstthelight。 Foranimmeasurablesecondthetwospectatorsoftheincidentweresilent;thenthehouse-doorclosed,thehansomrolledoff,andthewholesceneslippedbyasifwiththeturnofastereopticon。 VanAlstynedroppedhiseye-glasswithalowwhistle。 \"A——hem——nothingofthis,eh,Selden?Asoneofthefamily,I knowImaycountonyou——appearancesaredeceptive——andFifthAvenueissoimperfectlylighted——\" \"Goodnight,\"saidSelden,turningsharplydownthesidestreetwithoutseeingtheother’sextendedhand。 Alonewithhercousin’skiss,Gertystareduponherthoughts。Hehadkissedherbefore——butnotwithanotherwomanonhislips。Ifhehadsparedherthatshecouldhavedrownedquietly,welcomingthedarkfloodasitsubmergedher。Butnowthefloodwasshotthroughwithglory,anditwashardertodrownatsunrisethanindarkness。Gertyhidherfacefromthelight,butitpiercedtothecranniesofhersoul。Shehadbeensocontented,lifehadseemedsosimpleandsufficient——whyhadhecometotroubleherwithnewhopes?AndLily——Lily,herbestfriend!Woman-like,sheaccusedthewoman。Perhaps,haditnotbeenforLily,herfondimaginingmighthavebecometruth。Seldenhadalwayslikedher——hadunderstoodandsympathizedwiththemodestindependenceofherlife。He,whohadthereputationofweighingallthingsinthenicebalanceoffastidiousperceptions,hadbeenuncriticalandsimpleinhisviewofher:hisclevernesshadneveroverawedherbecauseshehadfeltathomeinhisheart。Andnowshewasthrustout,andthedoorbarredagainstherbyLily’shand!Lily,forwhoseadmissiontheresheherselfhadpleaded!Thesituationwaslightedupbyadrearyflashofirony。SheknewSelden——shesawhowtheforceofherfaithinLilymusthavehelpedtodispelhishesitations。Sheremembered,too,howLilyhadtalkedofhim-shesawherselfbringingthetwotogether,makingthemknowntoeachother。OnSelden’spart,nodoubt,thewoundinflictedwasinconscient;hehadneverguessedherfoolishsecret;butLily——Lilymusthaveknown!When,insuchmatters,areawoman’sperceptionsatfault?Andifsheknew,thenshehaddeliberatelydespoiledherfriend,andinmerewantonnessofpower,since,eventoGerty’ssuddenlyflamingjealousy,itseemedincrediblethatLilyshouldwishtobeSelden’swife。Lilymightbeincapableofmarryingformoney,butshewasequallyincapableoflivingwithoutit,andSelden’seagerinvestigationsintothesmalleconomiesofhouse-keepingmadehimappeartoGertyastragicallydupedasherself。 Sheremainedlonginhersitting-room,wheretheemberswerecrumblingtocoldgrey,andthelamppaledunderitsgayshade。 JustbeneathitstoodthephotographofLilyBart,lookingoutimperiallyonthecheapgim-cracks,thecrampedfurnitureofthelittleroom。CouldSeldenpictureherinsuchaninterior?Gertyfeltthepoverty,theinsignificanceofhersurroundings:shebeheldherlifeasitmustappeartoLily。AndthecrueltyofLily’sjudgmentssmoteuponhermemory。Shesawthatshehaddressedheridolwithattributesofherownmaking。WhenhadLilyeverreallyfelt,orpitied,orunderstood?Allshewantedwasthetasteofnewexperiences:sheseemedlikesomecruelcreatureexperimentinginalaboratory。 Thepink-facedclockdrummedoutanotherhour,andGertyrosewithastart。ShehadanappointmentearlythenextmorningwithadistrictvisitorontheEastside。Sheputoutherlamp,coveredthefire,andwentintoherbedroomtoundress。Inthelittleglassaboveherdressing-tableshesawherfacereflectedagainsttheshadowsoftheroom,andtearsblottedthereflection。Whatrighthadshetodreamthedreamsofloveliness? Adullfaceinvitedadullfate。Shecriedquietlyassheundressed,layingasideherclotheswithherhabitualprecision,settingeverythinginorderforthenextday,whentheoldlifemustbetakenupasthoughtherehadbeennobreakinitsroutine。Herservantdidnotcometilleighto’clock,andshepreparedherowntea-trayandplaceditbesidethebed。Thenshelockedthedooroftheflat,extinguishedherlightandlaydown。 Butonherbedsleepwouldnotcome,andshelayfacetofacewiththefactthatshehatedLilyBart。Itclosedwithherinthedarknesslikesomeformlesseviltobeblindlygrappledwith。 Reason,judgment,renunciation,allthesanedaylightforces,werebeatenbackinthesharpstruggleforself-preservation。Shewantedhappiness——wanteditasfiercelyandunscrupulouslyasLilydid,butwithoutLily’spowerofobtainingit。Andinherconsciousimpotenceshelayshivering,andhatedherfriend—— Aringatthedoor-bellcaughthertoherfeet。Shestruckalightandstoodstartled,listening。Foramomentherheartbeatincoherently,thenshefeltthesoberingtouchoffact,andrememberedthatsuchcallswerenotunknowninhercharitablework。Sheflungonherdressing-gowntoanswerthesummons,andunlockingherdoor,confrontedtheshiningvisionofLilyBart。 Gerty’sfirstmovementwasoneofrevulsion。SheshrankbackasthoughLily’spresenceflashedtoosuddenalightuponhermisery。Thensheheardhernameinacry,hadaglimpseofherfriend’sface,andfeltherselfcaughtandclungto。 \"Lily——whatisit?\"sheexclaimed。 MissBartreleasedher,andstoodbreathingbrokenly,likeonewhohasgainedshelterafteralongflight。 \"Iwassocold——Icouldn’tgohome。Haveyouafire?\" Gerty’scompassionateinstincts,respondingtotheswiftcallofhabit,sweptasideallherreluctances。Lilywassimplysomeonewhoneededhelp——forwhatreason,therewasnotimetopauseandconjecture:disciplinedsympathycheckedthewonderonGerty’slips,andmadeherdrawherfriendsilentlyintothesitting-roomandseatherbythedarkenedhearth。 \"Thereiskindlingwoodhere:thefirewillburninaminute。\" Shekneltdown,andtheflameleaptunderherrapidhands。Itflashedstrangelythroughthetearswhichstillblurredhereyes,andsmoteonthewhiteruinofLily’sface。Thegirlslookedateachotherinsilence;thenLilyrepeated:\"Icouldn’tgohome。\" \"No——no——youcamehere,dear!You’recoldandtired——sitquiet,andI’llmakeyousometea。\" Gertyhadunconsciouslyadoptedthesoothingnoteofhertrade: allpersonalfeelingwasmergedinthesenseofministry,andexperiencehadtaughtherthatthebleedingmustbestayedbeforethewoundisprobed。 Lilysatquiet,leaningtothefire:theclatterofcupsbehindhersoothedherasfamiliarnoiseshushachildwhomsilencehaskeptwakeful。ButwhenGertystoodathersidewiththeteashepusheditaway,andturnedanestrangedeyeonthefamiliarroom。 \"IcameherebecauseIcouldn’tbeartobealone,\"shesaid。 Gertysetdownthecupandkneltbesideher。 \"Lily!Somethinghashappened——can’tyoutellme?\" \"Icouldn’tbeartolieawakeinmyroomtillmorning。IhatemyroomatAuntJulia’s——soIcamehere——\" Shestirredsuddenly,brokefromherapathy,anddungtoGertyinafreshburstoffear。 \"Oh,Gerty,thefuries……youknowthenoiseoftheirwings——alone,atnight,inthedark?Butyoudon’tknow——thereisnothingtomakethedarkdreadfultoyou——\" Thewords,flashingbackonGerty’slasthours,struckfromherafaintderisivemurmur;butLily,intheblazeofherownmisery,wasblindedtoeverythingoutsideit。 \"You’llletmestay?Ishan’tmindwhendaylightcomes——Isitlate?Isthenightnearlyover?Itmustbeawfultobesleepless——everythingstandsbythebedandstares——\" MissFarishcaughtherstrayinghands。\"Lily,lookatme! Somethinghashappened——anaccident?Youhavebeenfrightened——whathasfrightenedyou?Tellmeifyoucan——awordortwo——sothatIcanhelpyou。\" Lilyshookherhead。 \"Iamnotfrightened:that’snottheword。Canyouimaginelookingintoyourglasssomemorningandseeingadisfigurement——somehideouschangethathascometoyouwhileyouslept?Well,Iseemtomyselflikethat——Ican’tbeartoseemyselfinmyownthoughts——Ihateugliness,youknow——I’vealwaysturnedfromit——butIcan’texplaintoyou——youwouldn’tunderstand。\" Sheliftedherheadandhereyesfellontheclock。 \"Howlongthenightis!AndIknowIshan’tsleeptomorrow。Someonetoldmemyfatherusedtoliesleeplessandthinkofhorrors。 Andhewasnotwicked,onlyunfortunate——andIseenowhowhemusthavesuffered,lyingalonewithhisthoughts!ButIambad——abadgirl——allmythoughtsarebad——Ihavealwayshadbadpeopleaboutme。Isthatanyexcuse?IthoughtIcouldmanagemyownlife——Iwasproud——proud!butnowI’montheirlevel——\" Sobsshookher,andshebowedtothemlikeatreeinadrystorm。 Gertykneltbesideher,waiting,withthepatiencebornofexperience,tillthisgustofmiseryshouldloosenfreshspeech。 Shehadfirstimaginedsomephysicalshock,someperilofthecrowdedstreets,sinceLilywaspresumablyonherwayhomefromCarryFisher’s;butshenowsawthatothernerve-centresweresmitten,andhermindtrembledbackfromconjecture。 Lily’ssobsceased,andsheliftedherhead。 \"Therearebadgirlsinyourslums。Tellme——dotheyeverpickthemselvesup?Everforget,andfeelastheydidbefore?\" \"Lily!youmustn’tspeakso——you’redreaming。\" \"Don’ttheyalwaysgofrombadtoworse?There’snoturningback——youroldselfrejectsyou,andshutsyouout。\" Sherose,stretchingherarmsasifinutterphysicalweariness。 \"Gotobed,dear!Youworkhardandgetupearly。I’llwatchherebythefire,andyou’llleavethelight,andyourdooropen。AllIwantistofeelthatyouarenearme。\"ShelaidbothhandsonGerty’sshoulders,withasmilethatwaslikesunriseonaseastrewnwithwreckage。 \"Ican’tleaveyou,Lily。Comeandlieonmybed。Yourhandsarefrozen——youmustundressandbemadewarm。\"Gertypausedwithsuddencompunction。\"ButMrs。Peniston——it’spastmidnight!Whatwillshethink?\" \"Shegoestobed。Ihavealatch-key。Itdoesn’tmatter——Ican’tgobackthere。\" \"There’snoneedto:youshallstayhere。Butyoumusttellmewhereyouhavebeen。Listen,Lily——itwillhelpyoutospeak!\" SheregainedMissBart’shands,andpressedthemagainsther。 \"Trytotellme——itwillclearyourpoorhead。Listen——youwerediningatCarryFisher’s。\"Gertypausedandaddedwithaflashofheroism:\"LawrenceSeldenwentfromheretofindyou。\" Attheword,Lily’sfacemeltedfromlockedanguishtotheopenmiseryofachild。Herlipstrembledandhergazewidenedwithtears。 \"Hewenttofindme?AndImissedhim!Oh,Gerty,hetriedtohelpme。Hetoldme——hewarnedmelongago——heforesawthatIshouldgrowhatefultomyself!\" Thename,asGertysawwithaclutchattheheart,hadloosenedthespringsofself-pityinherfriend’sdrybreast,andtearbytearLilypouredoutthemeasureofheranguish。ShehaddroppedsidewaysinGerty’sbigarm-chair,herheadburiedwherelatelySelden’shadleaned,inabeautyofabandonmentthatdrovehometoGerty’sachingsensestheinevitablenessofherowndefeat。 Ah,itneedednodeliberatepurposeonLily’sparttorobherofherdream!Tolookonthatpronelovelinesswastoseeinitanaturalforce,torecognizethatloveandpowerbelongtosuchasLily,asrenunciationandservicearethelotofthosetheydespoil。ButifSelden’sinfatuationseemedafatalnecessity,theeffectthathisnameproducedshookGerty’ssteadfastnesswithalastpang。Menpassthroughsuchsuperhumanlovesandoutlivethem:theyaretheprobationsubduingthehearttohumanjoys。HowgladlyGertywouldhavewelcomedtheministryofhealing:howwillinglyhavesoothedthesuffererbacktotoleranceoflife!ButLily’sself-betrayaltookthislasthopefromher。Themortalmaidontheshoreishelplessagainstthesirenwholovesherprey:suchvictimsarefloatedbackdeadfromtheiradventure。 Lilysprangupandcaughtherwithstronghands。\"Gerty,youknowhim——youunderstandhim——tellme;ifIwenttohim,ifItoldhimeverything——ifIsaid:’Iambadthroughandthrough——Iwantadmiration,Iwantexcitement,Iwantmoney——’yes,MONEY! That’smyshame,Gerty——andit’sknown,it’ssaidofme——it’swhatmenthinkofme——IfIsaiditalltohim——toldhimthewholestory——saidplainly:’I’vesunklowerthanthelowest,forI’vetakenwhattheytake,andnotpaidastheypay’——oh,Gerty,youknowhim,youcanspeakforhim:ifItoldhimeverythingwouldheloatheme?Orwouldhepityme,andunderstandme,andsavemefromloathingmyself?\" Gertystoodcoldandpassive。Sheknewthehourofherprobationhadcome,andherpoorheartbeatwildlyagainstitsdestiny。Asadarkriversweepsbyunderalightningflash,shesawherchanceofhappinesssurgepastunderaflashoftemptation。Whatpreventedherfromsaying:\"Heislikeothermen\"?Shewasnotsosureofhim,afterall!Buttodosowouldhavebeenlikeblasphemingherlove。Shecouldnotputhimbeforeherselfinanylightbutthenoblest:shemusttrusthimtotheheightofherownpassion。 \"Yes:Iknowhim;hewillhelpyou,\"shesaid;andinamomentLily’spassionwasweepingitselfoutagainstherbreast。 Therewasbutonebedinthelittleflat,andthetwogirlslaydownonitsidebysidewhenGertyhadunlacedLily’sdressandpersuadedhertoputherlipstothewarmtea。Thelightextinguished,theylaystillinthedarkness,Gertyshrinkingtotheouteredgeofthenarrowcouchtoavoidcontactwithherbed-fellow。KnowingthatLilydislikedtobecaressed,shehadlongagolearnedtocheckherdemonstrativeimpulsestowardherfriend。ButtonighteveryfibreinherbodyshrankfromLily’snearness:itwastorturetolistentoherbreathing,andfeelthesheetstirwithit。AsLilyturned,andsettledtocompleterrest,astrandofherhairsweptGerty’scheekwithitsfragrance。Everythingaboutherwaswarmandsoftandscented: eventhestainsofhergriefbecameherasrain-dropsdothebeatenrose。ButasGertylaywitharmsdrawndownherside,inthemotionlessnarrownessofaneffigy,shefeltastirofsobsfromthebreathingwarmthbesideher,andLilyflungoutherhand,gropedforherfriend’s,andhelditfast。 \"Holdme,Gerty,holdme,orIshallthinkofthings,\"shemoaned;andGertysilentlyslippedanarmunderher,pillowingherheadinitshollowasamothermakesanestforatossingchild。InthewarmhollowLilylaystillandherbreathinggrewlowandregular。HerhandstilldungtoGerty’sasiftowardoffevildreams,buttheholdofherfingersrelaxed,herheadsankdeeperintoitsshelter,andGertyfeltthatsheslept。 Whenlilywokeshehadthebedtoherself,andthewinterlightwasintheroom。 Shesatup,bewilderedbythestrangenessofhersurroundings; thenmemoryreturned,andshelookedaboutherwithashiver。Inthecoldslantoflightreflectedfromthebackwallofaneighbouringbuilding,shesawhereveningdressandoperacloaklyinginatawdryheaponachair。Finerylaidoffisasunappetizingastheremainsofafeast,anditoccurredtoLilythat,athome,hermaid’svigilancehadalwayssparedherthesightofsuchincongruities。Herbodyachedwithfatigue,andwiththeconstrictionofherattitudeinGerty’sbed。Allthroughhertroubledsleepshehadbeenconsciousofhavingnospacetotossin,andthelongefforttoremainmotionlessmadeherfeelasifshehadspenthernightinatrain。 Thissenseofphysicaldiscomfortwasthefirsttoassertitself; thensheperceived,beneathit,acorrespondingmentalprostration,alanguorofhorrormoreinsufferablethanthefirstrushofherdisgust。Thethoughtofhavingtowakeeverymorningwiththisweightonherbreastrousedhertiredmindtofresheffort。Shemustfindsomewayoutofthesloughintowhichshehadstumbled:itwasnotsomuchcompunctionasthedreadofhermorningthoughtsthatpressedonhertheneedofaction。Butshewasunutterablytired;itwaswearinesstothinkconnectedly。Shelayback,lookingaboutthepoorslitofaroomwitharenewalofphysicaldistaste。Theouterair,pennedbetweenhighbuildings,broughtnofreshnessthroughthewindow;steam-heatwasbeginningtosinginacoilofdingypipes,andasmellofcookingpenetratedthecrackofthedoor。 Thedooropened,andGerty,dressedandhatted,enteredwithacupoftea。Herfacelookedsallowandswolleninthedrearylight,andherdullhairshadedimperceptiblyintothetonesofherskin。 SheglancedshylyatLily,askinginanembarrassedtonehowshefelt;Lilyansweredwiththesameconstraint,andraisedherselfuptodrinkthetea。 \"Imusthavebeenover-tiredlastnight;IthinkIhadanervousattackinthecarriage,\"shesaid,asthedrinkbroughtclearnesstohersluggishthoughts。 \"Youwerenotwell;Iamsogladyoucamehere,\"Gertyreturned。 \"ButhowamItogethome?AndAuntJulia——?\" \"Sheknows;Itelephonedearly,andyourmaidhasbroughtyourthings。Butwon’tyoueatsomething?Iscrambledtheeggsmyself。\" Lilycouldnoteat;buttheteastrengthenedhertoriseanddressunderhermaid’ssearchinggaze。ItwasarelieftoherthatGertywasobligedtohastenaway:thetwokissedsilently,butwithoutatraceofthepreviousnight’semotion。 LilyfoundMrs。Penistoninastateofagitation。ShehadsentforGraceStepneyandwastakingdigitalis。Lilybreastedthestormofenquiriesasbestshecould,explainingthatshehadhadanattackoffaintnessonherwaybackfromCarryFisher’s;that,fearingshewouldnothavestrengthtoreachhome,shehadgonetoMissFarish’sinstead;butthataquietnighthadrestoredher,andthatshehadnoneedofadoctor。 ThiswasarelieftoMrs。Peniston,whocouldgiveherselfuptoherownsymptoms,andLilywasadvisedtogoandliedown,heraunt’spanaceaforallphysicalandmoraldisorders。Inthesolitudeofherownroomshewasbroughtbacktoasharpcontemplationoffacts。Herdaylightviewofthemnecessarilydifferedfromthecloudyvisionofthenight。Thewingedfurieswerenowprowlinggossipswhodroppedinoneachotherfortea。 Butherfearsseemedtheuglier,thusshornoftheirvagueness; andbesides,shehadtoact,notrave。ForthefirsttimesheforcedherselftoreckonuptheexactamountofherdebttoTrenor;andtheresultofthishatefulcomputationwasthediscoverythatshehad,inall,receivedninethousanddollarsfromhim。Theflimsypretextonwhichithadbeengivenandreceivedshrivelledupintheblazeofhershame:sheknewthatnotapennyofitwasherown,andthattorestoreherself-respectshemustatoncerepaythewholeamount。Theinabilitythustosolaceheroutragedfeelingsgaveheraparalyzingsenseofinsignificance。Shewasrealizingforthefirsttimethatawoman’sdignitymaycostmoretokeepupthanhercarriage;andthatthemaintenanceofamoralattributeshouldbedependentondollarsandcents,madetheworldappearamoresordidplacethanshehadconceivedit。 Afterluncheon,whenGraceStepney’spryingeyeshadbeenremoved,Lilyaskedforawordwithheraunt。Thetwoladieswentupstairstothesitting-room,whereMrs。Penistonseatedherselfinherblacksatinarm-chairtuftedwithyellowbuttons,besideabead-worktablebearingabronzeboxwithaminiatureofBeatriceCenciinthelid。Lilyfeltfortheseobjectsthesamedistastewhichtheprisonermayentertainforthefittingsofthecourt-room。Itwasherethatherauntreceivedherrareconfidences,andthepink-eyedsmirkoftheturbanedBeatricewasassociatedinhermindwiththegradualfadingofthesmilefromMrs。Peniston’slips。Thatlady’sdreadofascenegaveheraninexorablenesswhichthegreateststrengthofcharactercouldnothaveproduced,sinceitwasindependentofallconsiderationsofrightorwrong;andknowingthis,Lilyseldomventuredtoassailit。Shehadneverfeltlesslikemakingtheattemptthanonthepresentoccasion;butshehadsoughtinvainforanyothermeansofescapefromanintolerablesituation。 Mrs。Penistonexaminedhercritically。\"You’reabadcolour,Lily:thisincessantrushingaboutisbeginningtotellonyou,\" shesaid。 MissBartsawanopening。\"Idon’tthinkit’sthat,AuntJulia; I’vehadworries,\"shereplied。 \"Ah,\"saidMrs。Peniston,shuttingherlipswiththesnapofapurseclosingagainstabeggar。 \"I’msorrytobotheryouwiththem,\"Lilycontinued,\"butI reallybelievemyfaintnesslastnightwasbroughtonpartlybyanxiousthoughts——\" \"IshouldhavesaidCarryFisher’scookwasenoughtoaccountforit。ShehasawomanwhowaswithMariaMelsonin1891——thespringoftheyearwewenttoAix——andIrememberdiningtheretwodaysbeforewesailed,andfeelingSUREthecoppershadn’tbeenscoured。\" \"Idon’tthinkIatemuch;Ican’teatorsleep。\"Lilypaused,andthensaidabruptly:\"Thefactis,AuntJulia,Iowesomemoney。\" Mrs。Peniston’sfacecloudedperceptibly,butdidnotexpresstheastonishmentherniecehadexpected。Shewassilent,andLilywasforcedtocontinue:\"Ihavebeenfoolish——\" \"Nodoubtyouhave:extremelyfoolish,\"Mrs。Penistoninterposed。 \"Ifailtoseehowanyonewithyourincome,andnoexpenses——nottomentionthehandsomepresentsI’vealwaysgivenyou——\" \"Oh,you’vebeenmostgenerous,AuntJulia;Ishallneverforgetyourkindness。Butperhapsyoudon’tquiterealizetheexpenseagirlisputtonowadays——\" \"Idon’trealizethatYOUareputtoanyexpenseexceptforyourclothesandyourrailwayfares。Iexpectyoutobehandsomelydressed;butIpaidCeleste’sbillforyoulastOctober。\" Lilyhesitated:heraunt’simplacablememoryhadneverbeenmoreinconvenient。\"Youwereaskindaspossible;butIhavehadtogetafewthingssince——\" \"Whatkindofthings?Clothes?Howmuchhaveyouspent?Letmeseethebill——Idaresaythewomanisswindlingyou。\" \"Oh,no,Ithinknot:clotheshavegrownsofrightfullyexpensive;andoneneedssomanydifferentkinds,withcountryvisits,andgolfandskating,andAikenandTuxedo——\" \"Letmeseethebill,\"Mrs。Penistonrepeated。 Lilyhesitatedagain。Inthefirstplace,Mme。Celestehadnotyetsentinheraccount,andsecondly,theamountitrepresentedwasonlyafractionofthesumthatLilyneeded。 \"Shehasn’tsentinthebillformywinterthings,butIKNOW it’slarge;andthereareoneortwootherthings;I’vebeencarelessandimprudent——I’mfrightenedtothinkofwhatIowe——\" SheraisedthetroubledlovelinessofherfacetoMrs。Peniston,vainlyhopingthatasightsomovingtotheothersexmightnotbewithouteffectuponherown。ButtheeffectproducedwasthatofmakingMrs。Penistonshrinkbackapprehensively。 \"Really,Lily,youareoldenoughtomanageyourownaffairs,andafterfrighteningmetodeathbyyourperformanceoflastnightyoumightatleastchooseabettertimetoworrymewithsuchmatters。\"Mrs。Penistonglancedattheclock,andswallowedatabletofdigitalis。\"IfyouoweCelesteanotherthousand,shemaysendmeheraccount,\"sheadded,asthoughtoendthediscussionatanycost。 \"Iamverysorry,AuntJulia;Ihatetotroubleyouatsuchatime;butIhavereallynochoice——Ioughttohavespokensooner——Ioweagreatdealmorethanathousanddollars。\" \"Agreatdealmore?Doyouowetwo?Shemusthaverobbedyou!\" \"ItoldyouitwasnotonlyCeleste。I——thereareotherbills——morepressing——thatmustbesettled。\" \"Whatonearthhaveyoubeenbuying?Jewelry?Youmusthavegoneoffyourhead,\"saidMrs。Penistonwithasperity。\"Butifyouhaverunintodebt,youmustsuffertheconsequences,andputasideyourmonthlyincometillyourbillsarepaid。Ifyoustayquietlyhereuntilnextspring,insteadofracingaboutalloverthecountry,youwillhavenoexpensesatall,andsurelyinfourorfivemonthsyoucansettletherestofyourbillsifIpaythedress-makernow。\" Lilywasagainsilent。SheknewshecouldnothopetoextractevenathousanddollarsfromMrs。PenistononthemerepleaofpayingCeleste’sbill:Mrs。Penistonwouldexpecttogooverthedress-maker’saccount,andwouldmakeoutthechequetoherandnottoLily。Andyetthemoneymustbeobtainedbeforethedaywasover! \"ThedebtsIspeakofare——different——notliketradesmen’sbills,\"shebeganconfusedly;butMrs。Peniston’slookmadeheralmostafraidtocontinue。Coulditbethatherauntsuspectedanything?TheideaprecipitatedLily’savowal。 \"Thefactis,I’veplayedcardsagooddeal——bridge;thewomenalldoit;girlstoo——it’sexpected。SometimesI’vewon——wonagooddeal——butlatelyI’vebeenunlucky——andofcoursesuchdebtscan’tbepaidoffgradually——\" Shepaused:Mrs。Peniston’sfaceseemedtobepetrifyingasshelistened。 \"Cards——you’veplayedcardsformoney?It’strue,then:whenI wastoldsoIwouldn’tbelieveit。Iwon’taskiftheotherhorrorsIwastoldweretruetoo;I’veheardenoughforthestateofmynerves。WhenIthinkoftheexampleyou’vehadinthishouse!ButIsupposeit’syourforeignbringing-up——nooneknewwhereyourmotherpickedupherfriends。AndherSundayswereascandal——thatIknow。\" Mrs。Penistonwheeledroundsuddenly。\"YouplaycardsonSunday?\" LilyflushedwiththerecollectionofcertainrainySundaysatBellomontandwiththeDorsets。 \"You’rehardonme,AuntJulia:Ihaveneverreallycaredforcards,butagirlhatestobethoughtpriggishandsuperior,andonedriftsintodoingwhattheothersdo。I’vehadadreadfullesson,andifyou’llhelpmeoutthistimeIpromiseyou——\" Mrs。Penistonraisedherhandwarningly。\"Youneedn’tmakeanypromises:it’sunnecessary。WhenIofferedyouahomeIdidn’tundertaketopayyourgamblingdebts。\" \"AuntJulia!Youdon’tmeanthatyouwon’thelpme?\" \"IshallcertainlynotdoanythingtogivetheimpressionthatI countenanceyourbehaviour。Ifyoureallyoweyourdress-maker,I willsettlewithher——beyondthatIrecognizenoobligationtoassumeyourdebts。\" Lilyhadrisen,andstoodpaleandquiveringbeforeheraunt。 Pridestormedinher,buthumiliationforcedthecryfromherlips:\"AuntJulia,Ishallbedisgraced——I——\"Butshecouldgonofarther。Ifherauntturnedsuchastonyeartothefictionofthegamblingdebts,inwhatspiritwouldshereceivetheterribleavowalofthetruth? \"IconsiderthatyouAREdisgraced,Lily:disgracedbyyourconductfarmorethanbyitsresults。Yousayyourfriendshavepersuadedyoutoplaycardswiththem;well,theymayaswelllearnalessontoo。Theycanprobablyaffordtolosealittlemoney——andatanyrate,Iamnotgoingtowasteanyofmineinpayingthem。AndnowImustaskyoutoleaveme——thisscenehasbeenextremelypainful,andIhavemyownhealthtoconsider。 Drawdowntheblinds,please;andtellJenningsIwillseenoonethisafternoonbutGraceStepney。\" Lilywentuptoherownroomandboltedthedoor。Shewastremblingwithfearandanger——therushofthefuries’wingswasinherears。Shewalkedupanddowntheroomwithblindirregularsteps。Thelastdoorofescapewasclosed——shefeltherselfshutinwithherdishonourSuddenlyherwildpacingbroughtherbeforetheclockonthechimney-piece。Itshandsstoodathalf-pastthree,andsherememberedthatSeldenwastocometoheratfour。Shehadmeanttoputhimoffwithaword——butnowherheartleapedatthethoughtofseeinghim。Wastherenotapromiseofrescueinhislove?AsshehadlainatGerty’ssidethenightbefore,shehadthoughtofhiscoming,andofthesweetnessofweepingoutherpainuponhisbreast。Ofcourseshehadmeanttoclearherselfofitsconsequencesbeforeshemethim——shehadneverreallydoubtedthatMrs。Penistonwouldcometoheraid。Andshehadfelt,eveninthefullstormofhermisery,thatSelden’slovecouldnotbeherultimaterefuge;onlyitwouldbesosweettotakeamoment’sshelterthere,whileshegatheredfreshstrengthtogoon。 Butnowhislovewasheronlyhope,andasshesatalonewithherwretchednessthethoughtofconfidinginhimbecameasseductiveastheriver’sflowtothesuicide。Thefirstplungewouldbeterrible——butafterward,whatblessednessmightcome!SherememberedGerty’swords:\"Iknowhim——hewillhelpyou\";andhermindclungtothemasasickpersonmightclingtoahealingrelic。Oh,ifhereallyunderstood——ifhewouldhelphertogatherupherbrokenlife,andputittogetherinsomenewsemblanceinwhichnotraceofthepastshouldremain!Hehadalwaysmadeherfeelthatshewasworthyofbetterthings,andshehadneverbeeningreaterneedofsuchsolace。Onceandagainsheshrankatthethoughtofimperillinghislovebyherconfession:forlovewaswhatsheneeded——itwouldtaketheglowofpassiontoweldtogethertheshatteredfragmentsofherself-esteem。ButsherecurredtoGerty’swordsandheldfasttothem。ShewassurethatGertyknewSelden’sfeelingforher,andithadneverdawneduponherblindnessthatGerty’sownjudgmentofhimwascolouredbyemotionsfarmoreardentthanherown。 Fouro’clockfoundherinthedrawing-room:shewassurethatSeldenwouldbepunctual。Butthehourcameandpassed——itmovedonfeverishly,measuredbyherimpatientheart-beats。Shehadtimetotakeafreshsurveyofherwretchedness,andtofluctuateanewbetweentheimpulsetoconfideinSeldenandthedreadofdestroyinghisillusions。Butastheminutespassedtheneedofthrowingherselfonhiscomprehensionbecamemoreurgent:shecouldnotbeartheweightofhermiseryalone。Therewouldbeaperilousmoment,perhaps:butcouldshenottrusttoherbeautytobridgeitover,tolandhersafeintheshelterofhisdevotion? ButthehourspedonandSeldendidnotcome。Doubtlesshehadbeendetained,orhadmisreadherhurriedlyscrawlednote,takingthefourforafive。Theringingofthedoor-bellafewminutesafterfiveconfirmedthissupposition,andmadeLilyhastilyresolvetowritemorelegiblyinfuture。Thesoundofstepsinthehall,andofthebutler’svoiceprecedingthem,pouredfreshenergyintoherveins。Shefeltherselfoncemorethealertandcompetentmoulderofemergencies,andtheremembranceofherpoweroverSeldenflushedherwithsuddenconfidence。Butwhenthedrawing-roomdooropeneditwasRosedalewhocamein。 Thereactioncausedherasharppang,butafterapassingmovementofirritationattheclumsinessoffate,andatherowncarelessnessinnotdenyingthedoortoallbutSelden,shecontrolledherselfandgreetedRosedaleamicably。ItwasannoyingthatSelden,whenhecame,shouldfindthatparticularvisitorinpossession,butLilywasmistressoftheartofriddingherselfofsuperfluouscompany,andtoherpresentmoodRosedaleseemeddistinctlynegligible。 Hisownviewofthesituationforceditselfuponherafterafewmoments’conversation。ShehadcaughtattheBrys’entertainmentasaneasyimpersonalsubject,likelytotidethemovertheintervaltillSeldenappeared,butMr。Rosedale,tenaciouslyplantedbesidethetea-table,hishandsinhispockets,hislegsalittletoofreelyextended,atoncegavethetopicapersonalturn。 \"Prettywelldone——well,yes,Isupposeitwas:WellyBry’sgothisbackupanddon’tmeantoletgotillhe’sgotthehangofthething。Ofcourse,therewerethingshereandthere——thingsMrs。Fishercouldn’tbeexpectedtoseeto——thechampagnewasn’tcold,andthecoatsgotmixedinthecoat-room。Iwouldhavespentmoremoneyonthemusic。Butthat’smycharacter:ifIwantathingI’mwillingtopay:Idon’tgouptothecounter,andthenwonderifthearticle’sworththeprice。Iwouldn’tbesatisfiedtoentertainliketheWellyBrys;I’dwantsomethingthatwouldlookmoreeasyandnatural,moreasifItookitinmystride。Andittakesjusttwothingstodothat,MissBart:money,andtherightwomantospendit。\" Hepaused,andexaminedherattentivelywhilesheaffectedtorearrangethetea-cups。 \"I’vegotthemoney,\"hecontinued,clearinghisthroat,\"andwhatIwantisthewoman——andImeantohavehertoo。\" Heleanedforwardalittle,restinghishandsontheheadofhiswalking-stick。HehadseenmenofNedVanAlstyne’stypebringtheirhatsandsticksintoadrawing-room,andhethoughtitaddedatouchofelegantfamiliaritytotheirappearance。 Lilywassilent,smilingfaintly,withhereyesabsentlyrestingonhisface。Shewasinrealityreflectingthatadeclarationwouldtakesometimetomake,andthatSeldenmustsurelyappearbeforethemomentofrefusalhadbeenreached。Herbroodinglook,asofamindwithdrawnyetnotaverted,seemedtoMr。Rosedalefullofasubtleencouragement。Hewouldnothavelikedanyevidenceofeagerness。 \"Imeantohavehertoo,\"herepeated,withalaughintendedtostrengthenhisself-assurance。\"IgenerallyHAVEgotwhatI wantedinlife,MissBart。Iwantedmoney,andI’vegotmorethanIknowhowtoinvest;andnowthemoneydoesn’tseemtobeofanyaccountunlessIcanspenditontherightwoman。That’swhatI wanttodowithit:Iwantmywifetomakealltheotherwomenfeelsmall。I’dnevergrudgeadollarthatwasspentonthat。Butitisn’teverywomancandoit,nomatterhowmuchyouspendonher。Therewasagirlinsomehistorybookwhowantedgoldshields,orsomething,andthefellowsthrew’emather,andshewascrushedunder’em:theykilledher。Well,that’strueenough: somewomenlookedburiedundertheirjewelry。WhatIwantisawomanwho’llholdherheadhigherthemorediamondsIputonit。 AndwhenIlookedatyoutheothernightattheBrys’,inthatplainwhitedress,lookingasifyouhadacrownon,Isaidtomyself:’Bygad,ifshehadoneshe’dwearitasifitgrewonher。’\" StillLilydidnotspeak,andhecontinued,warmingwithhistheme:\"Tellyouwhatitis,though,thatkindofwomancostsmorethanalltherestof’emputtogether。Ifawoman’sgoingtoignoreherpearls,theywanttobebetterthananybodyelse’s——andsoitiswitheverythingelse。YouknowwhatI mean——youknowit’sonlytheshowythingsthatarecheap。Well,I shouldwantmywifetobeabletotaketheearthforgrantedifshewantedto。Iknowthere’sonethingvulgaraboutmoney,andthat’sthethinkingaboutit;andmywifewouldneverhavetodemeanherselfinthatway。\"Hepaused,andthenadded,withanunfortunatelapsetoanearliermanner:\"IguessyouknowtheladyI’vegotinview,MissBart。\" Lilyraisedherhead,brighteningalittleunderthechallenge。 Eventhroughthedarktumultofherthoughts,theclinkofMr。 Rosedale’smillionshadafaintlyseductivenote。Oh,forenoughofthemtocancelheronemiserabledebt!ButthemanbehindthemgrewincreasinglyrepugnantinthelightofSelden’sexpectedcoming。Thecontrastwastoogrotesque:shecouldscarcelysuppressthesmileitprovoked。Shedecidedthatdirectnesswouldbebest。 \"Ifyoumeanme,Mr。Rosedale,Iamverygrateful——verymuchflattered;butIdon’tknowwhatIhaveeverdonetomakeyouthink——\" \"Oh,ifyoumeanyou’renotdeadinlovewithme,I’vegotsenseenoughlefttoseethat。AndIain’ttalkingtoyouasifyouwere——IpresumeIknowthekindoftalkthat’sexpectedunderthosecircumstances。I’mconfoundedlygoneonyou——that’saboutthesizeofit——andI’mjustgivingyouaplainbusinessstatementoftheconsequences。You’renotveryfondofme——YET——butyou’refondofluxury,andstyle,andamusement,andofnothavingtoworryaboutcash。Youliketohaveagoodtime,andnothavetosettleforit;andwhatIproposetodoistoprovideforthegoodtimeanddothesettling。\" Hepaused,andshereturnedwithachillingsmile:\"Youaremistakeninonepoint,Mr。Rosedale:whateverIenjoyIampreparedtosettlefor。\" Shespokewiththeintentionofmakinghimseethat,ifhiswordsimpliedatentativeallusiontoherprivateaffairs,shewaspreparedtomeetandrepudiateit。Butifherecognizedhermeaningitfailedtoabashhim,andhewentoninthesametone: \"Ididn’tmeantogiveoffence;excusemeifI’vespokentooplainly。Butwhyain’tyoustraightwithme——whydoyouputupthatkindofbluff?Youknowthere’vebeentimeswhenyouwerebothered——damnedbothered——andasagirlgetsolder,andthingskeepmovingalong,why,beforesheknowsit,thethingsshewantsareliabletomovepastherandnotcomeback。Idon’tsayit’sanywherenearthatwithyouyet;butyou’vehadatasteofbothersthatagirllikeyourselfoughtnevertohaveknownabout,andwhatI’mofferingyouisthechancetoturnyourbackonthemonceforall。\" ThecolourburnedinLily’sfaceasheended;therewasnomistakingthepointhemeanttomake,andtopermitittopassunheededwasafatalconfessionofweakness,whiletoresentittooopenlywastoriskoffendinghimataperilousmoment。 Indignationquiveredonherlip;butitwasquelledbythesecretvoicewhichwarnedherthatshemustnotquarrelwithhim。Heknewtoomuchabouther,andevenatthemomentwhenitwasessentialthatheshouldshowhimselfathisbest,hedidnotscrupletoletherseehowmuchheknew。Howthenwouldheusehispowerwhenherexpressionofcontempthaddispelledhisonemotiveforrestraint?Herwholefuturemighthingeonherwayofansweringhim:shehadtostopandconsiderthat,inthestressofherotheranxieties,asabreathlessfugitivemayhavetopauseatthecross-roadsandtrytodecidecoollywhichturntotake。 \"Youarequiteright,Mr。Rosedale。IHAVEhadbothers;andIamgratefultoyouforwantingtorelievemeofthem。Itisnotalwayseasytobequiteindependentandself-respectingwhenoneispoorandlivesamongrichpeople;Ihavebeencarelessaboutmoney,andhaveworriedaboutmybills。ButI shouldbeselfishandungratefulifImadethatareasonforacceptingallyouoffer,withnobetterreturntomakethanthedesiretobefreefrommyanxieties。Youmustgivemetime——timetothinkofyourkindness——andofwhatIcouldgiveyouinreturnforit——\" Sheheldoutherhandwithacharminggestureinwhichdismissalwasshornofitsrigour。ItshintoffutureleniencymadeRosedaleriseinobediencetoit,alittleflushedwithhisunhoped-forsuccess,anddisciplinedbythetraditionofhisbloodtoacceptwhatwasconceded,withoutunduehastetopressformore。Somethinginhispromptacquiescencefrightenedher;shefeltbehinditthestoredforceofapatiencethatmightsubduethestrongestwill。Butatleasttheyhadpartedamicably,andhewasoutofthehousewithoutmeetingSelden——Selden,whosecontinuedabsencenowsmoteherwithanewalarm。Rosedalehadremainedoveranhour,andsheunderstoodthatitwasnowtoolatetohopeforSelden。Hewouldwriteexplaininghisabsence,ofcourse;therewouldbeanotefromhimbythelatepost。Butherconfessionwouldhavetobepostponed;andthechillofthedelaysettledheavilyonherfaggedspirit。 Itlayheavierwhenthepostman’slastringbroughtnonoteforher,andshehadtogoupstairstoalonelynight——anightasgrimandsleeplessashertorturedfancyhadpicturedittoGerty。Shehadneverlearnedtolivewithherownthoughts,andtobeconfrontedwiththemthroughsuchhoursoflucidmiserymadetheconfusedwretchednessofherpreviousvigilseemeasilybearable。 Daylightdisbandedthephantomcrew,andmadeitcleartoherthatshewouldhearfromSeldenbeforenoon;butthedaypassedwithouthiswritingorcoming。Lilyremainedathome,lunchinganddiningalonewithheraunt,whocomplainedofflutteringsoftheheart,andtalkedicilyongeneraltopics。Mrs。Penistonwenttobedearly,andwhenshehadgoneLilysatdownandwroteanotetoSelden。Shewasabouttoringforamessengertodespatchitwhenhereyefellonaparagraphintheeveningpaperwhichlayatherelbow: \"Mr。LawrenceSeldenwasamongthepassengerssailingthisafternoonforHavanaandtheWestIndiesontheWindwardLinerAntilles。\" Shelaiddownthepaperandsatmotionless,staringathernote。Sheunderstoodnowthathewasnevercoming——thathehadgoneawaybecausehewasafraidthathemightcome。 Sherose,andwalkingacrossthefloorstoodgazingatherselfforalongtimeinthebrightly-litmirrorabovethemantel- piece。Thelinesinherfacecameoutterribly——shelookedold;andwhenagirllooksoldtoherself,howdoesshelooktootherpeople?Shemovedaway,andbegantowanderaimlesslyabouttheroom,fittingherstepswithmechanicalprecisionbetweenthemonstrousrosesofMrs。Peniston’sAxminster。SuddenlyshenoticedthatthepenwithwhichshehadwrittentoSeldenstillrestedagainsttheuncoveredinkstand。Sheseatedherselfagain,andtakingoutanenvelope,addresseditrapidlytoRosedale。Thenshelaidoutasheetofpaper,andsatoveritwithsuspendedpen。Ithadbeeneasyenoughtowritethedate,and\"DearMr。Rosedale\"——butafterthatherinspirationflagged。Shemeanttotellhimtocometoher,butthewordsrefusedtoshapethemselves。Atlengthshebegan:\"Ihavebeenthinking——\"thenshelaidthependown,andsatwithherelbowsonthetableandherfacehiddeninherhands。 Suddenlyshestartedupatthesoundofthedoor-bell。Itwasnotlate——barelyteno’clock——andtheremightstillbeanotefromSelden,oramessage——orhemightbetherehimself,ontheothersideofthedoor!Theannouncementofhissailingmighthavebeenamistake——itmightbeanotherLawrenceSeldenwhohadgonetoHavana——allthesepossibilitieshadtimetoflashthroughhermind,andbuilduptheconvictionthatshewasafteralltoseeorhearfromhim,beforethedrawing-roomdooropenedtoadmitaservantcarryingatelegram。 Lilytoreitopenwithshakinghands,andreadBerthaDorset’snamebelowthemessage:\"Sailingunexpectedlytomorrow。WillyoujoinusonacruiseinMediterranean?\"  BOOKII ItcamevividlytoSeldenontheCasinostepsthatMonteCarlohad,morethananyotherplaceheknew,thegiftofaccommodatingitselftoeachman’shumour。Hisown,atthemoment,lentitafestivereadinessofwelcomethatmightwell,inadisenchantedeye,haveturnedtopaintandfacility。Sofrankanappealforparticipation-sooutspokenarecognitionoftheholidayveininhumannature——struckrefreshinglyonamindjadedbyprolongedhardworkinsurroundingsmadeforthedisciplineofthesenses。 Ashesurveyedthewhitesquaresetinanexoticcoquetryofarchitecture,thestudiedtropicalityofthegardens,thegroupsloiteringintheforegroundagainstmauvemountainswhichsuggestedasublimestage-settingforgotteninahurriedshiftingofscenes——ashetookinthewholeoutspreadeffectoflightandleisure,hefeltamovementofrevulsionfromthelastfewmonthsofhislife。 TheNewYorkwinterhadpresentedaninterminableperspectiveofsnow-burdeneddays,reachingtowardaspringofrawsunshineandfuriousair,whentheuglinessofthingsraspedtheeyeasthegrittywindgroundintotheskin。Selden,immersedinhiswork,hadtoldhimselfthatexternalconditionsdidnotmattertoamaninhisstate,andthatcoldanduglinesswereagoodtonicforrelaxedsensibilities。WhenanurgentcasesummonedhimabroadtoconferwithaclientinParis,hebrokereluctantlywiththeroutineoftheoffice;anditwasonlynowthat,havingdespatchedhisbusiness,andslippedawayforaweekinthesouth,hebegantofeeltherenewedzestofspectatorshipthatisthesolaceofthosewhotakeanobjectiveinterestinlife。 Themultiplicityofitsappeals——theperpetualsurpriseofitscontrastsandresemblances!AllthesetricksandturnsoftheshowwereuponhimwithaspringashedescendedtheCasinostepsandpausedonthepavementatitsdoors。Hehadnotbeenabroadforsevenyears——andwhatchangestherenewedcontactproduced! Ifthecentraldepthswereuntouched,hardlyapin-pointofsurfaceremainedthesame。Andthiswastheveryplacetobringoutthecompletenessoftherenewal。Thesublimities,theperpetuities,mighthavelefthimashewas:butthistentpitchedforaday’srevelryspreadaroofofoblivionbetweenhimselfandhisfixedsky。 Itwasmid-April,andonefeltthattherevelryhadreacheditsclimaxandthatthedesultorygroupsinthesquareandgardenswouldsoondissolveandre-forminotherscenes。Meanwhilethelastmomentsoftheperformanceseemedtogainanaddedbrightnessfromthehoveringthreatofthecurtain。Thequalityoftheair,theexuberanceoftheflowers,theblueintensityofseaandsky,producedtheeffectofaclosingTABLEAU,whenallthelightsareturnedonatonce。Thisimpressionwaspresentlyheightenedbythewayinwhichaconsciouslyconspicuousgroupofpeopleadvancedtothemiddlefront,andstoodbeforeSeldenwiththeairofthechiefperformersgatheredtogetherbytheexigenciesofthefinaleffect。Theirappearanceconfirmedtheimpressionthattheshowhadbeenstagedregardlessofexpense,andemphasizeditsresemblancetooneofthose\"costume-plays\"inwhichtheprotagonistswalkthroughthepassionswithoutdisplacingadrapery。Theladiesstoodinunrelatedattitudescalculatedtoisolatetheireffects,andthemenhungaboutthemasirrelevantlyasstageheroeswhosetailorsarenamedintheprogramme。ItwasSeldenhimselfwhounwittinglyfusedthegroupbyarrestingtheattentionofoneofitsmembers。 \"Why,Mr。Selden!\"Mrs。Fisherexclaimedinsurprise;andwithagesturetowardMrs。JackStepneyandMrs。WellingtonBry,sheaddedplaintively:\"We’restarvingtodeathbecausewecan’tdecidewheretolunch。\" Welcomedintotheirgroup,andmadetheconfidantoftheirdifficulty,Seldenlearnedwithamusementthattherewereseveralplaceswhereonemightmisssomethingbynotlunching,orforfeitsomethingbylunching;sothateatingactuallybecameaminorconsiderationontheveryspotconsecratedtoitsrites。 \"OfcourseonegetsthebestthingsattheTERRASSE——butthatlooksasifonehadn’tanyotherreasonforbeingthere:theAmericanswhodon’tknowanyonealwaysrushforthebestfood。 AndtheDuchessofBeltshirehastakenupBecassin’slately,\" Mrs。Bryearnestlysummedup。 Mrs。Bry,toMrs。Fisher’sdespair,hadnotprogressedbeyondthepointofweighinghersocialalternativesinpublic。Shecouldnotacquiretheairofdoingthingsbecauseshewantedto,andmakingherchoicethefinalsealoftheirfitness。 Mr。Bry,ashortpaleman,withabusinessfaceandleisureclothes,metthedilemmahilariously。 \"IguesstheDuchessgoeswhereit’scheapest,unlessshecangethermealpaidfor。IfyouofferedtoblowheroffattheTERRASSE she’dturnupfastenough。\" ButMrs。JackStepneyinterposed。\"TheGrandDukesgotothatlittleplaceattheCondamine。LordHubertsaysit’stheonlyrestaurantinEuropewheretheycancookpeas。\" LordHubertDacey,aslendershabby-lookingman,withacharmingwornsmile,andtheairofhavingspenthisbestyearsinpilotingthewealthytotherightrestaurant,assentedwithgentleemphasis:\"It’squitethat。\" \"PEAS?\"saidMr。Brycontemptuously。\"Cantheycookterrapin?Itjustshows,\"hecontinued,\"whattheseEuropeanmarketsare,whenafellowcanmakeareputationcookingpeas!\" JackStepneyintervenedwithauthority。\"Idon’tknowthatI quiteagreewithDacey:there’salittleholeinParis,offtheQuaiVoltaire——butinanycase,Ican’tadvisetheCondamineGARGOTE;atleastnotwithladies。\" Stepney,sincehismarriage,hadthickenedandgrownprudish,astheVanOsburghhusbandswereapttodo;buthiswife,tohissurpriseanddiscomfiture,haddevelopedanearth-shakingfastnessofgaitwhichlefthimtrailingbreathlesslyinherwake。 \"That’swherewe’llgothen!\"shedeclared,withaheavytossofherplumage。\"I’msotiredoftheTERRASSE:it’sasdullasoneofmother’sdinners。AndLordHuberthaspromisedtotelluswhoalltheawfulpeopleareattheotherplace——hasn’the,Carry? Now,Jack,don’tlooksosolemn!\" \"Well,\"saidMrs。Bry,\"allIwanttoknowiswhotheirdress-makersare。\" \"NodoubtDaceycantellyouthattoo,\"remarkedStepney,withanironicintentionwhichtheotherreceivedwiththelightmurmur,\"IcanatleastFINDOUT,mydearfellow\";andMrs。Bryhavingdeclaredthatshecouldn’twalkanotherstep,thepartyhailedtwoorthreeofthelightphaetonswhichhoverattentivelyontheconfinesofthegardens,andrattledoffinprocessiontowardtheCondamine。 TheirdestinationwasoneofthelittlerestaurantsoverhangingtheboulevardwhichdipssteeplydownfromMonteCarlotothelowintermediatequarteralongthequay。Fromthewindowinwhichtheypresentlyfoundthemselvesinstalled,theyoverlookedtheintensebluecurveoftheharbour,setbetweentheverdureoftwinpromontories:totheright,thecliffofMonaco,toppedbythemediaevalsilhouetteofitschurchandcastle,tothelefttheterracesandpinnaclesofthegambling-house。Betweenthetwo,thewatersofthebaywerefurrowedbyalightcomingandgoingofpleasure-craft,throughwhich,justattheculminatingmomentofluncheon,themajesticadvanceofagreatsteam-yachtdrewthecompany’sattentionfromthepeas。 \"ByJove,Ibelievethat’stheDorsetsback!\"Stepneyexclaimed; andLordHubert,droppinghissingleeye-glass,corroborated: \"It’stheSabrina——yes。\" \"Sosoon?TheyweretospendamonthinSicily,\"Mrs。Fisherobserved。 \"Iguesstheyfeelasiftheyhad:there’sonlyoneup-to-datehotelinthewholeplace,\"saidMr。Brydisparagingly。 \"ItwasNedSilverton’sidea——butpoorDorsetandLilyBartmusthavebeenhorriblybored。\"Mrs。FisheraddedinanundertonetoSelden:\"Idohopetherehasn’tbeenarow。\" \"It’smostawfullyjollyhavingMissBartback,\"saidLordHubert,inhismilddeliberatevoice;andMrs。Bryaddedingenuously:\"IdaresaytheDuchesswilldinewithus,nowthatLily’shere。\"