第15章

Claralookedatherloverclosely。Therewassomethinginhim，shehated，asortofdetachedcriticismofherself，acoldness，whichmadeherwoman’ssoulhardenagainsthim。 “Andwhatareyougoingtodo？”sheasked。 “How？” “AboutBaxter。” “There’snothingtodo，isthere？”hereplied。 “Youcanfighthimifyouhaveto，Isuppose？”shesaid。 “No;Ihaven’ttheleastsenseofthe’fist’。It’sfunny。 Withmostmenthere’stheinstincttoclenchthefistandhit。 It’snotsowithme。Ishouldwantaknifeorapistolorsomething，tofightwith。” “Thenyou’dbettercarrysomething，“shesaid。 “Nay，“helaughed;“I’mnotdaggeroso。” “Buthe’lldosomethingtoyou。Youdon’tknowhim。” “Allright，“hesaid，“we’llsee。” “Andyou’lllethim？” “Perhaps，ifIcan’thelpit。” “Andifhekillsyou？”shesaid。 “Ishouldbesorry，forhissakeandmine。” Clarawassilentforamoment。 “YouDOmakemeangry！”sheexclaimed。 “That’snothingafresh，“helaughed。 “Butwhyareyousosilly？，Youdon’tknowhim。” “Anddon’twant。” “Yes，butyou’renotgoingtoletamandoashelikeswithyou？” “WhatmustIdo？”hereplied，laughing。 “Ishouldcarryarevolver，“shesaid。”I’msurehe’sdangerous。” “Imightblowmyfingersoff，“hesaid。 “No;butwon’tyou？”shepleaded。 “No。” “Notanything？” “No。” “Andyou’llleavehimto——？” “Yes。” “Youareafool！” “Fact！” Shesetherteethwithanger。 “IcouldSHAKEyou！”shecried，tremblingwithpassion。 “Why？” “LetamanlikeHIMdoashelikeswithyou。” “Youcangobacktohimifhetriumphs，“hesaid。 “Doyouwantmetohateyou？”sheasked。 “Well，Ionlytellyou，“hesaid。 “AndYOUsayyouLOVEme！”sheexclaimed，lowandindignant。 “OughtItoslayhimtopleaseyou？”hesaid。”ButifIdid，seewhataholdhe’dhaveoverme。” “DoyouthinkI’mafool！”sheexclaimed。 “Notatall。Butyoudon’tunderstandme，mydear。” Therewasapausebetweenthem。 “ButyououghtNOTtoexposeyourself，“shepleaded。 Heshruggedhisshoulders。 “’Themaninrighteousnessarrayed，Thepureandblamelessliver，NeedsnotthekeenToledoblade，Norvenom-freightedquiver，’“ hequoted。 Shelookedathimsearchingly。 “IwishIcouldunderstandyou，“shesaid。 “There’ssimplynothingtounderstand，“helaughed。 Shebowedherhead，brooding。 HedidnotseeDawesforseveraldays;thenonemorningashe，ranupstairsfromtheSpiralroomhealmostcollidedwiththeburly，metal-worker。 “Whatthe——！”criedthesmith。 “Sorry！”saidPaul，andpassedon。 “SORRY！”sneeredDawes。 Paulwhistledlightly，“PutMeamongtheGirls“。 “I’llstopyourwhistle，myjockey！”hesaid。 Theothertooknonotice。 “You’regoin’toanswerforthatjoboftheothernight。” Paulwenttohisdeskinhiscorner，andturnedovertheleaves，oftheledger。 “GoandtellFannyIwantorder097，quick！”hesaidtohisboy。 Dawesstoodinthedoorway，tallandthreatening，lookingat，thetopoftheyoungman’shead。 “Sixandfive’selevenandseven’sone-and-six，“Pauladdedaloud。 “An’youhear，doyou！”saidDawes。 “FIVEANDNINEPENCE！”Hewroteafigure。”What’sthat？” hesaid。 “I’mgoingtoshowyouwhatitis，“saidthesmith。 Theotherwentonaddingthefiguresaloud。 “Yercrawlin’little——，yerdaresn’tfacemeproper！” Paulquicklysnatchedtheheavyruler。Dawesstarted。 Theyoungmanruledsomelinesinhisledger。Theelderman，wasinfuriated。 “ButwaittillIlightonyou，nomatterwhereitis，I’llsettleyourhashforabit，yerlittleswine！” “Allright，“saidPaul。 Atthatthesmithstartedheavilyfromthedoorway。Justthen，awhistlepipedshrilly。Paulwenttothespeaking-tube。 “Yes！”hesaid，andhelistened。”Er——yes！”Helistened，thenhelaughed。”I’llcomedowndirectly。I’vegotavisitor，justnow。” DawesknewfromhistonethathehadbeenspeakingtoClara。 Hesteppedforward。 “Yerlittledevil！”hesaid。”I’llvisitoryou，insideof，twominutes！，ThinkI’mgoin’tohaveYOUwhipperty-snappin’round？” Theotherclerksinthewarehouselookedup。Paul’soffice-boy，appeared，holdingsomewhitearticle。 “Fannysaysyoucouldhavehaditlastnightifyou’dlet，herknow，“hesaid。 “Allright，“answeredPaul，lookingatthestocking。 “Getitoff。”，Dawesstoodfrustrated，helplesswithrage。 Morelturnedround。 “Excusemeaminute，“hesaidtoDawes，andhewouldhave，rundownstairs。 “ByGod，I’llstopyourgallop！”shoutedthesmith，seizinghim，bythearm。Heturnedquickly。 “Hey！，Hey！”criedtheoffice-boy，alarmed。 ThomasJordanstartedoutofhislittleglassoffice，andcame，runningdowntheroom。 “What’sa-matter，what’sa-matter？”hesaid，inhisoldman’s，sharpvoice。 “I’mjustgoin’tersettlethislittle——，that’sall，“ saidDawesdesperately。 “Whatdoyoumean？”snappedThomasJordan。 “WhatIsay，“saidDawes，buthehungfire。 Morelwasleaningagainstthecounter，ashamed，half-grinning。 “What’sitallabout？”snappedThomasJordan。 “Couldn’tsay，“saidPaul，shakinghisheadandshrugging，hisshoulders。 “Couldn’tyer，couldn’tyer！”criedDawes，thrustingforward，hishandsome，furiousface，andsquaringhisfist。 “Haveyoufinished？”criedtheoldman，strutting。”Getoff，aboutyourbusiness，anddon’tcomeheretipsyinthemorning。” Dawesturnedhisbigframeslowlyuponhim。 “Tipsy！”hesaid。”Who’stipsy？，I’mnomoretipsythan，YOUare！” “We’veheardthatsongbefore，“snappedtheoldman。”Nowyou，getoff，anddon’tbelongaboutit。Comin’HEREwithyourrowdying。” Thesmithlookeddowncontemptuouslyonhisemployer。 Hishands，large，andgrimy，andyetwellshapedforhislabour，workedrestlessly。PaulrememberedtheywerethehandsofClara’s，husband，andaflashofhatewentthroughhim。 “Getoutbeforeyou’returnedout！”snappedThomasJordan。 “Why，who’llturnmeout？”saidDawes，beginningtosneer。 Mr。Jordanstarted，marcheduptothesmith，wavinghimoff，thrustinghisstoutlittlefigureattheman，saying： “Getoffmypremises——getoff！” HeseizedandtwitchedDawes’sarm。 “Comeoff！”saidthesmith，andwithajerkoftheelbowhe，sentthelittlemanufacturerstaggeringbackwards。 Beforeanyonecouldhelphim，ThomasJordanhadcollided，withtheflimsyspring-door。Ithadgivenway，andlethimcrash，downthehalf-dozenstepsintoFanny’sroom。Therewasasecond，ofamazement;thenmenandgirlswererunning。Dawesstoodamoment，lookingbitterlyonthescene，thenhetookhisdeparture。 ThomasJordanwasshakenandbraised，nototherwisehurt。 Hewas，however，besidehimselfwithrage。HedismissedDawesfrom，hisemployment，andsummonedhimforassault。 AtthetrialPaulMorelhadtogiveevidence。Askedhow，thetroublebegan，hesaid： “DawestookoccasiontoinsultMrs。DawesandmebecauseI accompaniedhertothetheatreoneevening;thenIthrewsomebeer，athim，andhewantedhisrevenge。” “Cherchezlafemme！”smiledthemagistrate。 ThecasewasdismissedafterthemagistratehadtoldDaweshe，thoughthimaskunk。 “Yougavethecaseaway，“snappedMr。JordantoPaul。 “Idon’tthinkIdid，“repliedthelatter。”Besides，you，didn’treallywantaconviction，didyou？” “WhatdoyouthinkItookthecaseupfor？” “Well，“saidPaul，“I’msorryifIsaidthewrongthing。” Clarawasalsoveryangry。 “WhyneedMYnamehavebeendraggedin？”shesaid。 “Betterspeakitopenlythanleaveittobewhispered。” “Therewasnoneedforanythingatall，“shedeclared。 “Wearenonethepoorer，“hesaidindifferently。 “YOUmaynotbe，“shesaid。 “Andyou？”heasked。 “Ineedneverhavebeenmentioned。” “I’msorry，“hesaid;buthedidnotsoundsorry。 Hetoldhimselfeasily：，“Shewillcomeround。”，Andshedid。 HetoldhismotheraboutthefallofMr。Jordanandthetrial，ofDawes。Mrs。Morelwatchedhimclosely。 “Andwhatdoyouthinkofitall？”sheaskedhim。 “Ithinkhe’safool，“hesaid。 Buthewasveryuncomfortable，nevertheless。 “Haveyoueverconsideredwhereitwillend？”hismothersaid。 “No，“heanswered;“thingsworkoutofthemselves。” “Theydo，inawayonedoesn’tlike，asarule，“saidhismother。 “Andthenonehastoputupwiththem，“hesaid。 “You’llfindyou’renotasgoodat’puttingup’asyouimagine，“ shesaid。 Hewentonworkingrapidlyathisdesign。 “DoyoueveraskHERopinion？”shesaidatlength。 “Whatof？” “Ofyou，andthewholething。” “Idon’tcarewhatheropinionofmeis。She’sfearfully，inlovewithme，butit’snotverydeep。” “Butquiteasdeepasyourfeelingforher。” Helookedupathismothercuriously。 “Yes，“hesaid。”Youknow，mother，Ithinktheremustbe，somethingthematterwithme，thatICAN’Tlove。Whenshe’sthere，asarule，IDOloveher。Sometimes，whenIseeherjustasTHEWOMAN，Iloveher，mother;butthen，whenshetalksandcriticises，Ioftendon’tlistentoher。” “Yetshe’sasmuchsenseasMiriam。” “Perhaps;andIloveherbetterthanMiriam。ButWHYdon’t，theyholdme？” Thelastquestionwasalmostalamentation。Hismother，turnedawayherface，satlookingacrosstheroom，veryquiet，grave，withsomethingofrenunciation。 “Butyouwouldn’twanttomarryClara？”shesaid。 “No;atfirstperhapsIwould。Butwhy——whydon’tIwanttomarry，heroranybody？，IfeelsometimesasifIwrongedmywomen，mother。” “Howwrongedthem，myson？” “Idon’tknow。” Hewentonpaintingratherdespairingly;hehadtouched，thequickofthetrouble。 “Andasforwantingtomarry，“saidhismother，“there’splenty，oftimeyet。” “Butno，mother。IevenloveClara，andIdidMiriam;buttoGIVE myselftotheminmarriageIcouldn’t。Icouldn’tbelongtothem。 TheyseemtowantME，andIcan’tevergiveitthem。” “Youhaven’tmettherightwoman。” “AndInevershallmeettherightwomanwhileyoulive，“ hesaid。 Shewasveryquiet。Nowshebegantofeelagaintired，asifsheweredone。 “We’llsee，myson，“sheanswered。 Thefeelingthatthingsweregoinginacirclemadehimmad。 Clarawas，indeed，passionatelyinlovewithhim，andhewithher，asfaraspassionwent。Inthedaytimeheforgotheragooddeal。 Shewasworkinginthesamebuilding，buthewasnotawareofit。 Hewasbusy，andherexistencewasofnomattertohim。Butallthe，timeshewasinherSpiralroomshehadasensethathewasupstairs，aphysicalsenseofhispersoninthesamebuilding。Everysecond，sheexpectedhimtocomethroughthedoor，andwhenhecameit，wasashocktoher。Buthewasoftenshortandoffhandwithher。 Hegaveherhisdirectionsinanofficialmanner，keepingheratbay。 Withwhatwitsshehadleftshelistenedtohim。Shedarednot，misunderstandorfailtoremember，butitwasacrueltytoher。 Shewantedtotouchhischest。Sheknewexactlyhowhisbreastwas，shapenunderthewaistcoat，andshewantedtotouchit。Itmaddened，hertohearhismechanicalvoicegivingordersaboutthework。 Shewantedtobreakthroughtheshamofit，smashthetrivialcoating，ofbusinesswhichcoveredhimwithhardness，getatthemanagain; butshewasafraid，andbeforeshecouldfeelonetouchofhiswarmthhe，wasgone，andsheachedagain。 Heknewthatshewasdrearyeveryeveningshedidnotseehim，sohegaveheragooddealofhistime。Thedayswereoften，amiserytoher，buttheeveningsandthenightswereusually，ablisstothemboth。Thentheyweresilent。Forhoursthey，sattogether，orwalkedtogetherinthedark，andtalkedonly，afew，almostmeaninglesswords。Buthehadherhandinhis，andherbosomleftitswarmthinhischest，makinghimfeelwhole。 Oneeveningtheywerewalkingdownbythecanal，andsomethingwastroublinghim。Sheknewshehadnotgothim。 Allthetimehewhistledsoftlyandpersistentlytohimself。 Shelistened，feelingshecouldlearnmorefromhiswhistlingthan，fromhisspeech。Itwasasaddissatisfiedtune——atunethatmade，herfeelhewouldnotstaywithher。Shewalkedoninsilence。 Whentheycametotheswingbridgehesatdownonthegreatpole，lookingatthestarsinthewater。Hewasalongwayfromher。 Shehadbeenthinking。 “WillyoualwaysstayatJordan’s？”sheasked。 “No，“heansweredwithoutreflecting。”No;Is’llleave，Nottinghamandgoabroad——soon。” “Goabroad！，Whatfor？” “Idunno！，Ifeelrestless。” “Butwhatshallyoudo？” “Ishallhavetogetsomesteadydesigningwork，andsomesort，ofsaleformypicturesfirst，“hesaid。”Iamgraduallymaking，myway。IknowIam。” “Andwhendoyouthinkyou’llgo？” “Idon’tknow。Ishallhardlygoforlong，whilethere’s，mymother。” “Youcouldn’tleaveher？” “Notforlong。” Shelookedatthestarsintheblackwater。Theylayvery，whiteandstaring。Itwasanagonytoknowhewouldleaveher，butitwasalmostanagonytohavehimnearher。 “Andifyoumadeanicelotofmoney，whatwouldyoudo？” sheasked。 “GosomewhereinaprettyhousenearLondonwithmymother。” “Isee。” Therewasalongpause。 “Icouldstillcomeandseeyou，“hesaid。”Idon’tknow。 Don’taskmewhatIshoulddo;Idon’tknow。” Therewasasilence。Thestarsshudderedandbrokeupon，thewater。Therecameabreathofwind。Hewentsuddenlytoher，andputhishandonhershoulder。 “Don’taskmeanythingaboutthefuture，“hesaidmiserably。 “Idon’tknowanything。Bewithmenow，willyou，nomatterwhat，itis？” Andshetookhiminherarms。Afterall，shewasamarriedwoman，andshehadnorighteventowhathegaveher。Heneededherbadly。 Shehadhiminherarms，andhewasmiserable。Withherwarmthshe，foldedhimover，consoledhim，lovedhim。Shewouldletthemoment，standforitself。 Afteramomentheliftedhisheadasifhewantedtospeak。 “Clara，“hesaid，struggling。 Shecaughthimpassionatelytoher，pressedhisheaddownonher，breastwithherhand。Shecouldnotbearthesufferinginhisvoice。 Shewasafraidinhersoul。Hemighthaveanythingofher——anything; butshedidnotwanttoKNOW。Shefeltshecouldnotbearit。 Shewantedhimtobesootheduponher——soothed。Shestoodclaspinghim，andcaressinghim，andhewassomethingunknowntoher——something，almostuncanny。Shewantedtosoothehimintoforgetfulness。 Andsoonthestrugglewentdowninhissoul，andheforgot。 ButthenClarawasnotthereforhim，onlyawoman，warm，somethinghe，lovedandalmostworshipped，thereinthedark。ButitwasnotClara，andshesubmittedtohim。Thenakedhungerandinevitability，ofhislovingher，somethingstrongandblindandruthless，initsprimitiveness，madethehouralmostterribletoher。 Sheknewhowstarkandalonehewas，andshefeltitwasgreat，thathecametoher;andshetookhimsimplybecausehisneedwas，biggereitherthanherorhim，andhersoulwasstillwithinher。 Shedidthisforhiminhisneed，evenifhelefther，forshe，lovedhim。 Allthewhilethepeewitswerescreaminginthefield。 Whenhecameto，hewonderedwhatwasnearhiseyes，curvingand，strongwithlifeinthedark，andwhatvoiceitwasspeaking。 Thenherealiseditwasthegrass，andthepeewitwascalling。 ThewarmthwasClara’sbreathingheaving。Heliftedhishead，andlookedintohereyes。Theyweredarkandshiningandstrange，lifewildatthesourcestaringintohislife，strangertohim，yetmeetinghim;andheputhisfacedownonherthroat，afraid。 Whatwasshe？，Astrong，strange，wildlife，thatbreathedwithhis，inthedarknessthroughthishour。Itwasallsomuchbiggerthan，themselvesthathewashushed。Theyhadmet，andincludedintheir，meetingthethrustofthemanifoldgrassstems，thecryofthepeewit，thewheelofthestars。 Whentheystooduptheysawotherloversstealingdownthe，oppositehedge。Itseemednaturaltheywerethere;thenight，containedthem。 Andaftersuchaneveningtheybothwereverystill，havingknown，theimmensityofpassion。Theyfeltsmall，half-afraid，childish，andwondering，likeAdamandEvewhentheylosttheirinnocence，andrealisedthemagnificenceofthepowerwhichdrove，themoutofParadiseandacrossthegreatnightandthegreatday，ofhumanity。Itwasforeachofthemaninitiationandasatisfaction。 Toknowtheirownnothingness，toknowthetremendouslivingflood，whichcarriedthemalways，gavethemrestwithinthemselves。 Ifsogreatamagnificentpowercouldoverwhelmthem，identifythem，altogetherwithitself，sothattheyknewtheywereonlygrainsin，thetremendousheavethatliftedeverygrassbladeitslittleheight，andeverytree，andlivingthing，thenwhyfretaboutthemselves？ Theycouldletthemselvesbecarriedbylife，andtheyfeltasort，ofpeaceeachintheother。Therewasaverificationwhichtheyhad，hadtogether。Nothingcouldnullifyit，nothingcouldtakeitaway; itwasalmosttheirbeliefinlife。 ButClarawasnotsatisfied。Somethinggreatwasthere，sheknew;somethinggreatenvelopedher。Butitdidnotkeepher。 Inthemorningitwasnotthesame。TheyhadKNOWN，butshe，couldnotkeepthemoment。Shewanteditagain;shewanted，somethingpermanent。Shehadnotrealisedfully。Shethought，itwashewhomshewanted。Hewasnotsafetoher。Thisthat，hadbeenbetweenthemmightneverbeagain;hemightleaveher。 Shehadnotgothim;shewasnotsatisfied。Shehadbeenthere，butshehadnotgrippedthe——thesomething——sheknewnotwhat——whichshe，wasmadtohave。 Inthemorninghehadconsiderablepeace，andwashappy，inhimself。Itseemedalmostasifhehadknownthebaptismof，fireinpassion，anditlefthimatrest。ButitwasnotClara。 Itwassomethingthathappenedbecauseofher，butitwasnother。 Theywerescarcelyanynearereachother。Itwasasiftheyhadbeen，blindagentsofagreatforce。 Whenshesawhimthatdayatthefactoryherheartmeltedlike，adropoffire。Itwashisbody，hisbrows。Thedropoffiregrew，moreintenseinherbreast;shemustholdhim。Buthe，veryquiet，verysubduedthismorning，wentongivinghisinstruction。Shefollowed，himintothedark，uglybasement，andliftedherarmstohim。 Hekissedher，andtheintensityofpassionbegantoburnhimagain。 Somebodywasatthedoor。Heranupstairs;shereturnedtoherroom，movingasifinatrance。 Afterthatthefireslowlywentdown。Hefeltmoreandmorethat，hisexperiencehadbeenimpersonal，andnotClara。Helovedher。 Therewasabigtenderness，asafterastrongemotionthey，hadknowntogether;butitwasnotshewhocouldkeephissoulsteady。 Hehadwantedhertobesomethingshecouldnotbe。 Andshewasmadwithdesireofhim。Shecouldnotsee，himwithouttouchinghim。Inthefactory，ashetalkedtoher，aboutSpiralhose，sheranherhandsecretlyalonghisside。 Shefollowedhimoutintothebasementforaquickkiss;hereyes，alwaysmuteandyearning，fullofunrestrainedpassion，shekept，fixedonhis。Hewasafraidofher，lestsheshouldtooflagrantly，giveherselfawaybeforetheothergirls。Sheinvariablywaited，forhimatdinnertimeforhimtoembraceherbeforeshewent。 Hefeltasifshewerehelpless，almostaburdentohim，andit，irritatedhim。 “Butwhatdoyoualwayswanttobekissingandembracingfor？” hesaid。”Surelythere’satimeforeverything。” Shelookedupathim，andthehatecameintohereyes。 “DOIalwayswanttobekissingyou？”shesaid。 “Always，evenifIcometoaskyouaboutthework。Idon’t，wantanythingtodowithlovewhenI’matwork。Work’swork——“ “Andwhatislove？”sheasked。”Hasittohavespecialhours？” “Yes;outofworkhours。” “Andyou’llregulateitaccordingtoMr。Jordan’sclosingtime？” “Yes;andaccordingtothefreedomfrombusinessofanysort。” “Itisonlytoexistinsparetime？” “That’sall，andnotalwaysthen——notthekissingsortoflove。” “Andthat’sallyouthinkofit？” “It’squiteenough。” “I’mgladyouthinkso。” Andshewascoldtohimforsometime——shehatedhim;andwhile，shewascoldandcontemptuous，hewasuneasytillshehadforgiven，himagain。Butwhentheystartedafreshtheywerenotanynearer。 Hekeptherbecauseheneversatisfiedher。 Inthespringtheywenttogethertotheseaside。Theyhadrooms，atalittlecottagenearTheddlethorpe，andlivedasmanandwife。 Mrs。Radfordsometimeswentwiththem。 ItwasknowninNottinghamthatPaulMorelandMrs。Dawes，weregoingtogether，butasnothingwasveryobvious，andClara，alwaysasolitaryperson，andheseemedsosimpleandinnocent，itdidnotmakemuchdifference。 HelovedtheLincolnshirecoast，andshelovedthesea。 Intheearlymorningtheyoftenwentouttogethertobathe。 Thegreyofthedawn，thefar，desolatereachesofthefenland，smittenwithwinter，thesea-meadowsrankwithherbage，werestark，enoughtorejoicehissoul。Astheysteppedontothehighroadfrom，theirplankbridge，andlookedroundattheendlessmonotonyoflevels，thelandalittledarkerthanthesky，theseasoundingsmallbeyond，thesandhills，hisheartfilledstrongwiththesweepingrelentlessness，oflife。Shelovedhimthen。Hewassolitaryandstrong，andhiseyes，hadabeautifullight。 Theyshudderedwithcold;thenheracedherdowntheroadto，thegreenturfbridge。Shecouldrunwell。Hercoloursooncame，herthroatwasbare，hereyesshone。Helovedherforbeingso，luxuriouslyheavy，andyetsoquick。Himselfwaslight;shewent，withabeautifulrush。Theygrewwarm，andwalkedhandinhand。 Aflushcameintothesky，thewanmoon，half-waydown，thewest，sankintoinsignificance。Ontheshadowylandthings，begantotakelife，plantswithgreatleavesbecamedistinct。 Theycamethroughapassinthebig，coldsandhillsontothebeach。 Thelongwasteofforeshorelaymoaningunderthedawnandthesea; theoceanwasaflatdarkstripwithawhiteedge。Overthegloomy，seatheskygrewred。Quicklythefirespreadamongtheclouds，andscatteredthem。Crimsonburnedtoorange，orangetodullgold，andinagoldenglitterthesuncameup，dribblingfierilyoverthe，wavesinlittlesplashes，asifsomeonehadgonealongandthelight，hadspilledfromherpailasshewalked。 Thebreakersrandowntheshoreinlong，hoarsestrokes。 Tinyseagulls，likespecksofspray，wheeledabovethelineofsurf。 Theircryingseemedlargerthanthey。Farawaythecoastreachedout，andmeltedintothemorning，thetussockysandhillsseemedtosink，toalevelwiththebeach。Mablethorpewastinyontheirright。 Theyhadalonethespaceofallthislevelshore，thesea，andthe，upcomingsun，thefaintnoiseofthewaters，thesharpcryingof，thegulls。 Theyhadawarmhollowinthesandhillswherethewinddid，notcome。Hestoodlookingouttosea。 “It’sveryfine，“hesaid。 “Nowdon’tgetsentimental，“shesaid。 Itirritatedhertoseehimstandinggazingatthesea，likea，solitaryandpoeticperson。Helaughed。Shequicklyundressed。 “Therearesomefinewavesthismorning，“shesaidtriumphantly。 Shewasabetterswimmerthanhe;hestoodidlywatchingher。 “Aren’tyoucoming？”shesaid。 “Inaminute，“heanswered。 Shewaswhiteandvelvetskinned，withheavyshoulders。 Alittlewind，comingfromthesea，blewacrossherbodyandruffled，herhair。 Themorningwasofalovelylimpidgoldcolour。Veilsofshadow，seemedtobedriftingawayonthenorthandthesouth。Clarastood，shrinkingslightlyfromthetouchofthewind，twistingherhair。 Thesea-grassrosebehindthewhitestrippedwoman。Sheglanced，atthesea，thenlookedathim。Hewaswatchingherwithdarkeyes，whichshelovedandcouldnotunderstand。Shehuggedherbreasts，betweenherarms，cringing，laughing： “Oo，itwillbesocold！”shesaid。 Hebentforwardandkissedher，heldhersuddenlyclose，andkissedheragain。Shestoodwaiting。Helookedintohereyes，thenawayatthepalesands。 “Go，then！”hesaidquietly。 Sheflungherarmsroundhisneck，drewhimagainsther，kissedhimpassionately，andwent，saying： “Butyou’llcomein？” “Inaminute。” Shewentploddingheavilyoverthesandthatwassoftasvelvet。 He，onthesandhills，watchedthegreatpalecoastenvelopher。 Shegrewsmaller，lostproportion，seemedonlylikealargewhite，birdtoilingforward。 “Notmuchmorethanabigwhitepebbleonthebeach，notmuch，morethanaclotoffoambeingblownandrolledoverthesand，“ hesaidtohimself。 Sheseemedtomoveveryslowlyacrossthevastsoundingshore。 Ashewatched，helosther。Shewasdazzledoutofsightby，thesunshine。Againhesawher，themerestwhitespeckmoving，againstthewhite，mutteringsea-edge。 “Lookhowlittlesheis！”hesaidtohimself。”She’slostlike，agrainofsandinthebeach——justaconcentratedspeckblownalong，atinywhitefoam-bubble，almostnothingamongthemorning。 Whydoessheabsorbme？” Themorningwasaltogetheruninterrupted：，shewasgonein，thewater。Farandwidethebeach，thesandhillswiththeirbluemarrain，theshiningwater，glowedtogetherinimmense，unbrokensolitude。 “Whatisshe，afterall？”hesaidtohimself。”Here’sthe，seacoastmorning，bigandpermanentandbeautiful;thereisshe，fretting，alwaysunsatisfied，andtemporaryasabubbleoffoam。 Whatdoesshemeantome，afterall？，Sherepresentssomething，likeabubbleoffoamrepresentsthesea。Butwhatisshe？ It’snotherIcarefor。” Then，startledbyhisownunconsciousthoughts，thatseemed，tospeaksodistinctlythatallthemorningcouldhear，heundressed，andranquicklydownthesands。Shewaswatchingforhim。Herarm，flasheduptohim，sheheavedonawave，subsided，hershoulders，inapoolofliquidsilver。Hejumpedthroughthebreakers，andinamomentherhandwasonhisshoulder。 Hewasapoorswimmer，andcouldnotstaylonginthewater。 Sheplayedroundhimintriumph，sportingwithhersuperiority，whichhebegrudgedher。Thesunshinestooddeepandfineonthewater。 Theylaughedintheseaforaminuteortwo，thenracedeachotherback，tothesandhills。 Whentheyweredryingthemselves，pantingheavily，hewatchedherlaughing，breathlessface，herbrightshoulders，herbreaststhatswayedandmadehimfrightenedassherubbedthem，andhethoughtagain： “Butsheismagnificent，andevenbiggerthanthemorning，andthesea。Isshe——？Isshe——“ She，seeinghisdarkeyesfixedonher，brokeofffromher，dryingwithalaugh。 “Whatareyoulookingat？”shesaid。 “You，“heanswered，laughing。 Hereyesmethis，andinamomenthewaskissing，herwhite“goose-fleshed“shoulder，andthinking： “Whatisshe？，Whatisshe？” Shelovedhiminthemorning。Therewassomethingdetached，hard，andelementalabouthiskissesthen，asifhewereonly，consciousofhisownwill，notintheleastofherandherwantinghim。 Laterinthedayhewentoutsketching。 “You，“hesaidtoher，“gowithyourmothertoSutton。 Iamsodull。” Shestoodandlookedathim。Heknewshewantedtocome，withhim，buthepreferredtobealone。Shemadehimfeelimprisoned，whenshewasthere，asifhecouldnotgetafreedeepbreath，asifthereweresomethingontopofhim。Shefelthisdesire，tobefreeofher。 Intheeveninghecamebacktoher。Theywalkeddowntheshore，inthedarkness，thensatforawhileintheshelterofthesandhills。 “Itseems，“shesaid，astheystaredoverthedarknessofthesea，wherenolightwastobeseen——“itseemedasifyouonlylovedme，atnight——asifyoudidn’tlovemeinthedaytime。” Heranthecoldsandthroughhisfingers，feelingguilty，undertheaccusation。 “Thenightisfreetoyou，“hereplied。”InthedaytimeI wanttobebymyself。” “Butwhy？”shesaid。”Why，evennow，whenweareonthis，shortholiday？” “Idon’tknow。Love-makingstiflesmeinthedaytime。” “Butitneedn’tbealwayslove-making，“shesaid。 “Italwaysis，“heanswered，“whenyouandIaretogether。” Shesatfeelingverybitter。 “Doyoueverwanttomarryme？”heaskedcuriously。 “Doyoume？”shereplied。 “Yes，yes;Ishouldlikeustohavechildren，“heansweredslowly。 Shesatwithherheadbent，fingeringthesand。 “Butyoudon’treallywantadivorcefromBaxter，doyou？” hesaid。 Itwassomeminutesbeforeshereplied。 “No，“shesaid，verydeliberately;“Idon’tthinkIdo。” “Why？” “Idon’tknow。” “Doyoufeelasifyoubelongedtohim？” “No;Idon’tthinkso。” “What，then？” “Ithinkhebelongstome，“shereplied。 Hewassilentforsomeminutes，listeningtothewindblowing，overthehoarse，darksea。 “AndyouneverreallyintendedtobelongtoME？”hesaid。 “Yes，Idobelongtoyou，“sheanswered。 “No，“hesaid;“becauseyoudon’twanttobedivorced。” Itwasaknottheycouldnotuntie，sotheyleftit，tookwhat，theycouldget，andwhattheycouldnotattaintheyignored。 “IconsideryoutreatedBaxterrottenly，“hesaidanothertime。 Hehalf-expectedClaratoanswerhim，ashismotherwould： “Youconsideryourownaffairs，anddon’tknowsomuchabout，otherpeople’s。”，Butshetookhimseriously，almosttohisownsurprise。 “Why？”shesaid。 “Isupposeyouthoughthewasalilyofthevalley，andso，youputhiminanappropriatepot，andtendedhimaccording。 Youmadeupyourmindhewasalilyofthevalleyanditwasno，goodhisbeingacow-parsnip。Youwouldn’thaveit。” “Icertainlyneverimaginedhimalilyofthevalley。” “Youimaginedhimsomethinghewasn’t。That’sjustwhatawomanis。 Shethinkssheknowswhat’sgoodforaman，andshe’sgoingtosee，hegetsit;andnomatterifhe’sstarving，hemaysitandwhistle，forwhatheneeds，whileshe’sgothim，andisgivinghimwhat’s，goodforhim。” “Andwhatareyoudoing？”sheasked。 “I’mthinkingwhattuneIshallwhistle，“helaughed。 Andinsteadofboxinghisears，sheconsideredhiminearnest。 “YouthinkIwanttogiveyouwhat’sgoodforyou？”sheasked。 “Ihopeso;butloveshouldgiveasenseoffreedom，notofprison。Miriammademefeeltieduplikeadonkeytoastake。 Imustfeedonherpatch，andnowhereelse。It’ssickening！” “AndwouldYOUletaWOMANdoasshelikes？” “Yes;I’llseethatshelikestoloveme。Ifshedoesn’t——well，Idon’tholdher。” “Ifyouwereaswonderfulasyousay——，“repliedClara。 “IshouldbethemarvelIam，“helaughed。 Therewasasilenceinwhichtheyhatedeachother，thoughtheylaughed。 “Love’sadoginamanger，“hesaid。 “Andwhichofusisthedog？”sheasked。 “Ohwell，you，ofcourse。” Sotherewentonabattlebetweenthem。Sheknewsheneverfully，hadhim。Somepart，bigandvitalinhim，shehadnoholdover; nordidsheevertrytogetit，oreventorealisewhatitwas。 AndheknewinsomewaythatsheheldherselfstillasMrs。Dawes。 ShedidnotloveDawes，neverhadlovedhim;butshebelievedhe，lovedher，atleastdependedonher。Shefeltacertainsurety，abouthimthatsheneverfeltwithPaulMorel。Herpassion，fortheyoungmanhadfilledhersoul，givenheracertain，satisfaction，easedherofherself-mistrust，herdoubt。 Whateverelseshewas，shewasinwardlyassured。Itwasalmost，asifshehadgainedHERSELF，andstoodnowdistinctandcomplete。 Shehadreceivedherconfirmation;butsheneverbelievedthather，lifebelongedtoPaulMorel，norhistoher。Theywouldseparate，intheend，andtherestofherlifewouldbeanacheafterhim。 Butatanyrate，sheknewnow，shewassureofherself。Andthe，samecouldalmostbesaidofhim。Togethertheyhadreceived，thebaptismoflife，eachthroughtheother;butnowtheirmissions，wereseparate。Wherehewantedtogoshecouldnotcomewithhim。 Theywouldhavetopartsoonerorlater。Eveniftheymarried，andwerefaithfultoeachother，stillhewouldhavetoleaveher，goonalone，andshewouldonlyhavetoattendtohimwhenhe，camehome。Butitwasnotpossible。Eachwantedamatetogoside，bysidewith。 ClarahadgonetolivewithhermotheruponMapperleyPlains。 Oneevening，asPaulandshewerewalkingalongWoodboroughRoad，theymetDawes。Morelknewsomethingaboutthebearingofthe，manapproaching，buthewasabsorbedinhisthinkingatthemoment，sothatonlyhisartist’seyewatchedtheformofthestranger。 ThenhesuddenlyturnedtoClarawithalaugh，andputhishandon，hershoulder，saying，laughing： “Butwewalksidebyside，andyetI’minLondonarguing，withanimaginaryOrpen;andwhereareyou？” AtthatinstantDawespassed，almosttouchingMorel。 Theyoungmanglanced，sawthedarkbrowneyesburning，fullofhate，andyettired。 “Whowasthat？”heaskedofClara。 “ItwasBaxter，“shereplied。 Paultookhishandfromhershoulderandglancedround; thenhesawagaindistinctlytheman’sformasitapproachedhim。 Dawesstillwalkederect，withhisfineshouldersflungback，andhis，facelifted;buttherewasafurtivelookinhiseyesthatgave，onetheimpressionhewastryingtogetunnoticedpasteveryperson，hemet，glancingsuspiciouslytoseewhattheythoughtofhim。 Andhishandsseemedtobewantingtohide。Heworeoldclothes，thetrousersweretornattheknee，andthehandkerchieftiedround，histhroatwasdirty;buthiscapwasstilldefiantlyoveroneeye。 Asshesawhim，Clarafeltguilty。Therewasatirednessanddespair，onhisfacethatmadeherhatehim，becauseithurther。 “Helooksshady，“saidPaul。 Butthenoteofpityinhisvoicereproachedher，andmade，herfeelhard。 “Histruecommonnesscomesout，“sheanswered。 “Doyouhatehim？”heasked。 “Youtalk，“shesaid，“aboutthecrueltyofwomen;Iwishyou，knewthecrueltyofmenintheirbruteforce。Theysimplydon’t，knowthatthewomanexists。” “Don’tI？”hesaid。 “No，“sheanswered。 “Don’tIknowyouexist？” “AboutMEyouknownothing，“shesaidbitterly——“aboutME！” “NomorethanBaxterknew？”heasked。 “Perhapsnotasmuch。” Hefeltpuzzled，andhelpless，andangry。Thereshewalked，unknowntohim，thoughtheyhadbeenthroughsuchexperiencetogether。 “ButyouknowMEprettywell，“hesaid。 Shedidnotanswer。 “DidyouknowBaxteraswellasyouknowme？”heasked。 “Hewouldn’tletme，“shesaid。 “AndIhaveletyouknowme？” “It’swhatmenWON’Tletyoudo。Theywon’tletyouget，reallyneartothem，“shesaid。 “Andhaven’tIletyou？” “Yes，“sheansweredslowly;“butyou’venevercomeneartome。 Youcan’tcomeoutofyourself，youcan’t。Baxtercoulddothatbetter，thanyou。” Hewalkedonpondering。Hewasangrywithherforprefering，Baxtertohim。 “YoubegintovalueBaxternowyou’venotgothim，“hesaid。 “No;Icanonlyseewherehewasdifferentfromyou。” Buthefeltshehadagrudgeagainsthim。 Oneevening，astheywerecominghomeoverthefields，shestartledhimbyasking： “Doyouthinkit’sworthit——the——thesexpart？” “Theactofloving，itself？” “Yes;isitworthanythingtoyou？” “Buthowcanyouseparateit？”hesaid。”It’stheculmination，ofeverything。Allourintimacyculminatesthen。” “Notforme，“shesaid。 Hewassilent。Aflashofhateforhercameup。Afterall，shewasdissatisfiedwithhim，eventhere，wherehethoughtthey，fulfilledeachother。Buthebelievedhertooimplicitly。 “Ifeel，“shecontinuedslowly，“asifIhadn’tgotyou，asifallofyouweren’tthere，andasifitweren’tMEyouweretaking——“ “Who，then？” “Somethingjustforyourself。Ithasbeenfine，sothatI daren’tthinkofit。ButisitMEyouwant，orisitIT？” Heagainfeltguilty。DidheleaveClaraoutofcount，andtakesimplywomen？，Buthethoughtthatwassplittingahair。 “WhenIhadBaxter，actuallyhadhim，thenIDIDfeelasifI hadallofhim，“shesaid。 “Anditwasbetter？”heasked。 “Yes，yes;itwasmorewhole。Idon’tsayyouhaven’tgiven，memorethanheevergaveme。” “Orcouldgiveyou。” “Yes，perhaps;butyou’venevergivenmeyourself。” Heknittedhisbrowsangrily。 “IfIstarttomakelovetoyou，“hesaid，“Ijustgolike，aleafdownthewind。” “Andleavemeoutofcount，“shesaid。 “Andthenisitnothingtoyou？”heasked，almostrigid，withchagrin。 “It’ssomething;andsometimesyouhavecarriedmeaway——right，away——Iknow——and——Ireverenceyouforit——but——“ “Don’t’but’me，“hesaid，kissingherquickly，asafireran，throughhim。 Shesubmitted，andwassilent。 Itwastrueashesaid。Asarule，whenhestartedlove-making，theemotionwasstrongenoughtocarrywithiteverything——reason，soul，blood——inagreatsweep，liketheTrentcarriesbodilyitsback-swirls，andintertwinings，noiselessly。Graduallythelittlecriticisms，thelittlesensations，werelost，thoughtalsowent，everythingborne，alonginoneflood。Hebecame，notamanwithamind，buta，greatinstinct。Hishandswerelikecreatures，living;hislimbs，hisbody，werealllifeandconsciousness，subjecttonowillofhis，butlivinginthemselves。Justashewas，soitseemedthevigorous，wintrystarswerestrongalsowithlife。Heandtheystruckwith，thesamepulseoffire，andthesamejoyofstrengthwhichheld，thebracken-frondstiffnearhiseyesheldhisownbodyfirm。 Itwasasifhe，andthestars，andthedarkherbage，andClara，werelickedupinanimmensetongueofflame，whichtoreonwards，andupwards。Everythingrushedalonginlivingbesidehim; everythingwasstill，perfectinitself，alongwithhim。 Thiswonderfulstillnessineachthinginitself，whileitwasbeing，bornealonginaveryecstasyofliving，seemedthehighestpoint，ofbliss。 AndClaraknewthisheldhimtoher，soshetrustedaltogether，tothepassion。It，however，failedherveryoften。Theydid，notoftenreachagaintheheightofthatoncewhenthepeewits，hadcalled。Gradually，somemechanicaleffortspoilttheirloving，or，whentheyhadsplendidmoments，theyhadthemseparately，andnotsosatisfactorily。Sooftenheseemedmerelytoberunning，onalone;oftentheyrealisedithadbeenafailure，notwhatthey，hadwanted。Helefther，knowingTHATeveninghadonlymade，alittlesplitbetweenthem。Theirlovinggrewmoremechanical，withoutthemarvellousglamour。Graduallytheybegantointroduce，novelties，togetbacksomeofthefeelingofsatisfaction。 Theywouldbeverynear，almostdangerouslyneartotheriver，sothattheblackwaterrannotfarfromhisface，anditgave，alittlethrill;ortheylovedsometimesinalittlehollowbelow，thefenceofthepathwherepeoplewerepassingoccasionally，ontheedgeofthetown，andtheyheardfootstepscoming，almostfelt，thevibrationofthetread，andtheyheardwhatthepassersby，said——strangelittlethingsthatwereneverintendedtobeheard。 Andafterwardseachofthemwasratherashamed，andthesethings，causedadistancebetweenthetwoofthem。Hebegantodespiseher，alittle，asifshehadmeritedit！ OnenighthelefthertogotoDaybrookStationoverthefields。 Itwasverydark，withanattemptatsnow，althoughthespring，wassofaradvanced。Morelhadnotmuchtime;heplungedforward。 Thetownceasesalmostabruptlyontheedgeofasteephollow;therethe，houseswiththeiryellowlightsstandupagainstthedarkness。Hewent，overthestile，anddroppedquicklyintothehollowofthefields。 UndertheorchardonewarmwindowshoneinSwinesheadFarm。 Paulglancedround。Behind，thehousesstoodonthebrimofthedip，blackagainstthesky，likewildbeastsglaringcuriouslywith，yelloweyesdownintothedarkness。Itwasthetownthatseemed，savageanduncouth，glaringonthecloudsatthebackofhim。 Somecreaturestirredunderthewillowsofthefarmpond。Itwastoo，darktodistinguishanything。 Hewascloseuptothenextstilebeforehesawadarkshape，leaningagainstit。Themanmovedaside。 “Good-evening！”hesaid。 “Good-evening！”Morelanswered，notnoticing。 “PaulMorel？”saidtheman。 ThenheknewitwasDawes。Themanstoppedhisway。 “I’vegotyer，haveI？”hesaidawkwardly。 “Ishallmissmytrain，“saidPaul。 HecouldseenothingofDawes’sface。Theman’steethseemed，tochatterashetalked。 “You’regoingtogetitfrommenow，“saidDawes。 Morelattemptedtomoveforward;theothermansteppedinfront，ofhim。 “Areyergoin’totakethattop-coatoff，“hesaid，“orare，yougoin’toliedowntoit？” Paulwasafraidthemanwasmad。 “But，“hesaid，“Idon’tknowhowtofight。” “Allright，then，“answeredDawes，andbeforetheyoungerman，knewwherehewas，hewasstaggeringbackwardsfromablowacross，theface。 Thewholenightwentblack。Hetoreoffhisovercoatandcoat，dodgingablow，andflungthegarmentsoverDawes。Thelatter，sworesavagely。Morel，inhisshirt-sleeves，wasnowalertand，furious。Hefelthiswholebodyunsheathitselflikeaclaw。 Hecouldnotfight，sohewouldusehiswits。Theothermanbecame，moredistincttohim;hecouldseeparticularlytheshirt-breast。 DawesstumbledoverPaul’scoats，thencamerushingforward。 Theyoungman’smouthwasbleeding。Itwastheotherman’smouth，hewasdyingtogetat，andthedesirewasanguishinitsstrength。 Hesteppedquicklythroughthestile，andasDaweswascomingthrough，afterhim，likeaflashhegotablowinovertheother’smouth。 Heshiveredwithpleasure。Dawesadvancedslowly，spitting。Paul，wasafraid;hemovedroundtogettothestileagain。Suddenly，from，outofnowhere，cameagreatblowagainsthisear，thatsenthim，fallinghelplessbackwards。HeheardDawes’sheavypanting，likeawildbeast’s，thencameakickontheknee，givinghim，suchagonythathegotupand，quiteblind，leaptcleanunderhis，enemy’sguard。Hefeltblowsandkicks，buttheydidnothurt。 Hehungontothebiggermanlikeawildcat，tillatlastDawesfell，withacrash，losinghispresenceofmind。Paulwentdownwithhim。 Pureinstinctbroughthishandstotheman’sneck，andbeforeDawes，infrenzyandagony，couldwrenchhimfree，hehadgothisfists，twistedinthescarfandhisknucklesduginthethroatofthe，otherman。Hewasapureinstinct，withoutreasonorfeeling。 Hisbody，hardandwonderfulinitself，cleavedagainstthe，strugglingbodyoftheotherman;notamuscleinhimrelaxed。 Hewasquiteunconscious，onlyhisbodyhadtakenuponitselftokill，thisotherman。Forhimself，hehadneitherfeelingnorreason。 Helaypressedhardagainsthisadversary，hisbodyadjustingitself，toitsonepurepurposeofchokingtheotherman，resistingexactly，attherightmoment，withexactlytherightamountofstrength，thestrugglesoftheother，silent，intent，unchanging，gradually，pressingitsknucklesdeeper，feelingthestrugglesoftheother，bodybecomewilderandmorefrenzied。Tighterandtightergrew，hisbody，likeascrewthatisgraduallyincreasinginpressure，tillsomethingbreaks。 Thensuddenlyherelaxed，fullofwonderandmisgiving。 Daweshadbeenyielding。Morelfelthisbodyflamewithpain，asherealisedwhathewasdoing;hewasallbewildered。 Dawes’sstrugglessuddenlyrenewedthemselvesinafuriousspasm。 Paul’shandswerewrenched，tornoutofthescarfinwhichthey，wereknotted，andhewasflungaway，helpless。Heheardthehorrid，soundoftheother’sgasping，buthelaystunned;then，stilldazed，hefelttheblowsoftheother’sfeet，andlostconsciousness。 Dawes，gruntingwithpainlikeabeast，waskickingtheprostrate，bodyofhisrival。Suddenlythewhistleofthetrainshrieked，twofieldsaway。Heturnedroundandglaredsuspiciously。 Whatwascoming？，Hesawthelightsofthetraindrawacrosshisvision。 Itseemedtohimpeoplewereapproaching。Hemadeoffacrossthe，fieldintoNottingham，anddimlyinhisconsciousnessashewent，hefeltonhisfoottheplacewherehisboothadknockedagainst，oneofthelad’sbones。Theknockseemedtore-echoinsidehim; hehurriedtogetawayfromit。 Morelgraduallycametohimself。Heknewwherehewasand，whathadhappened，buthedidnotwanttomove。Helaystill，withtinybitsofsnowticklinghisface。Itwaspleasant，toliequite，quitestill。Thetimepassed。Itwasthebits，ofsnowthatkeptrousinghimwhenhedidnotwanttoberoused。 Atlasthiswillclickedintoaction。 “Imustn’tliehere，“hesaid;“it’ssilly。” Butstillhedidnotmove。 “IsaidIwasgoingtogetup，“herepeated。”Whydon’tI？” Andstillitwassometimebeforehehadsufficientlypulled，himselftogethertostir;thengraduallyhegotup。Painmadehim，sickanddazed，buthisbrainwasclear。Reeling，hegropedfor，hiscoatsandgotthemon，buttoninghisovercoatuptohisears。 Itwassometimebeforehefoundhiscap。Hedidnotknowwhetherhis，facewasstillbleeding。Walkingblindly，everystepmakinghimsick，withpain，hewentbacktothepondandwashedhisfaceandhands。 Theicywaterhurt，buthelpedtobringhimbacktohimself。 Hecrawledbackupthehilltothetram。Hewantedtogettohis，mother——hemustgettohismother——thatwashisblindintention。 Hecoveredhisfaceasmuchashecould，andstruggledsicklyalong。 Continuallythegroundseemedtofallawayfromhimashewalked，andhefelthimselfdroppingwithasickeningfeelingintospace;so，likeanightmare，hegotthroughwiththejourneyhome。 Everybodywasinbed。Helookedathimself。Hisfacewas，discolouredandsmearedwithblood，almostlikeadeadman’sface。 Hewashedit，andwenttobed。Thenightwentbyindelirium。 Inthemorninghefoundhismotherlookingathim。Herblueeyes——they，wereallhewantedtosee。Shewasthere;hewasinherhands。 “It’snotmuch，mother，“hesaid。”ItwasBaxterDawes。” “Tellmewhereithurtsyou，“shesaidquietly。 “Idon’tknow——myshoulder。Sayitwasabicycleaccident，mother。” Hecouldnotmovehisarm。PresentlyMinnie，thelittleservant，cameupstairswithsometea。 “Yourmother’snearlyfrightenedmeoutofmywits——faintedaway，“ shesaid。 Hefelthecouldnotbearit。Hismothernursedhim;hetold，heraboutit。 “AndnowIshouldhavedonewiththemall，“shesaidquietly。 “Iwill，mother。” Shecoveredhimup。 “Anddon’tthinkaboutit，“shesaid——“onlytrytogotosleep。 Thedoctorwon’tbeheretilleleven。” Hehadadislocatedshoulder，andtheseconddayacutebronchitis，setin。Hismotherwaspaleasdeathnow，andverythin。Shewould，sitandlookathim，thenawayintospace。Therewassomething，betweenthemthatneitherdaredmention。Claracametoseehim。 Afterwardshesaidtohismother： “Shemakesmetired，mother。” “Yes;Iwishshewouldn’tcome，“Mrs。Morelreplied。 AnotherdayMiriamcame，butsheseemedalmostlikeastranger，tohim。 “Youknow，Idon’tcareaboutthem，mother，“hesaid。 “I’mafraidyoudon’t，myson，“sherepliedsadly。 Itwasgivenouteverywherethatitwasabicycleaccident。 Soonhewasabletogotoworkagain，butnowtherewasaconstant，sicknessandgnawingathisheart。HewenttoClara，butthereseemed，asitwere，nobodythere。Hecouldnotwork。Heandhismother，seemedalmosttoavoideachother。Therewassomesecretbetween，themwhichtheycouldnotbear。Hewasnotawareofit。Heonly，knewthathislifeseemedunbalanced，asifitweregoingtosmash，intopieces。 Claradidnotknowwhatwasthematterwithhim。 Sherealisedthatheseemedunawareofher。Evenwhenhecame，toherheseemedunawareofher;alwayshewassomewhereelse。 Shefeltshewasclutchingforhim，andhewassomewhereelse。 Ittorturedher，andsoshetorturedhim。Foramonthatatime，shekepthimatarm’slength。Healmosthatedher，andwasdriven，toherinspiteofhimself。Hewentmostlyintothecompanyofmen，wasalwaysattheGeorgeortheWhiteHorse。Hismotherwasill，distant，quiet，shadowy。Hewasterrifiedofsomething;hedared，notlookather。Hereyesseemedtogrowdarker，herfacemorewaxen; stillshedraggedaboutatherwork。 AtWhitsuntidehesaidhewouldgotoBlackpoolforfour，dayswithhisfriendNewton。Thelatterwasabig，jollyfellow，withatouchofthebounderabouthim。Paulsaidhismothermustgo，toSheffieldtostayaweekwithAnnie，wholivedthere。Perhapsthe，changewoulddohergood。Mrs。Morelwasattendingawoman’sdoctor，inNottingham。Hesaidherheartandherdigestionwerewrong。 SheconsentedtogotoSheffield，thoughshedidnotwantto; butnowshewoulddoeverythinghersonwishedofher。Paulsaid，hewouldcomeforheronthefifthday，andstayalsoinSheffield，tilltheholidaywasup。Itwasagreed。 ThetwoyoungmensetoffgailyforBlackpool。Mrs。Morelwas，quitelivelyasPaulkissedherandlefther。Onceatthestation，heforgoteverything。Fourdayswereclear——notananxiety，notathought。Thetwoyoungmensimplyenjoyedthemselves。 Paulwaslikeanotherman。Noneofhimselfremained——noClara，noMiriam，nomotherthatfrettedhim。Hewrotetothemall，andlongletterstohismother;buttheywerejollylettersthat，madeherlaugh。Hewashavingagoodtime，asyoungfellowswill，inaplacelikeBlackpool。Andunderneathitallwasashadow，forher。 Paulwasverygay，excitedatthethoughtofstayingwithhis，motherinSheffield。Newtonwastospendthedaywiththem。 Theirtrainwaslate。Joking，laughing，withtheirpipesbetween，theirteeth，theyoungmenswungtheirbagsontothetram-car。Paul，hadboughthismotheralittlecollarofreallacethathewanted，toseeherwear，sothathecouldteaseheraboutit。 Annielivedinanicehouse，andhadalittlemaid。Paulran，gailyupthesteps。Heexpectedhismotherlaughinginthehall，butitwasAnniewhoopenedtohim。Sheseemeddistanttohim。 Hestoodasecondindismay。Annielethimkisshercheek。 “Ismymotherill？”hesaid。 “Yes;she’snotverywell。Don’tupsether。” “Issheinbed？” “Yes。” Andthenthequeerfeelingwentoverhim，asifallthesunshine，hadgoneoutofhim，anditwasallshadow。Hedroppedthebag，andranupstairs。Hesitating，heopenedthedoor。Hismother，satupinbed，wearingadressing-gownofold-rosecolour。 Shelookedathimalmostasifshewereashamedofherself，pleadingtohim，humble。Hesawtheashylookabouther。 “Mother！”hesaid。 “Ithoughtyouwerenevercoming，“sheansweredgaily。 Butheonlyfellonhiskneesatthebedside，andburied，hisfaceinthebedclothes，cryinginagony，andsaying： “Mother——mother——mother！”