第17章

类别:其他 作者:Robert Louis Stevenson字数:14150更新时间:18/12/21 13:17:54
Theywent。Itwascoldandratherdismal。Shewaitedforhim,tobewarmandtenderwithher,insteadofwhichheseemedhardly,awareofher。Hesatintherailway-carriage,lookingout,andwas,startledwhenshespoketohim。Hewasnotdefinitelythinking。 Thingsseemedasiftheydidnotexist。Shewentacrosstohim。 “Whatisitdear?”sheasked。 “Nothing!”hesaid。”Don’tthosewindmillsailslookmonotonous?” Hesatholdingherhand。Hecouldnottalknorthink。 Itwasacomfort,however,tositholdingherhand。Shewas,dissatisfiedandmiserable。Hewasnotwithher;shewasnothing。 Andintheeveningtheysatamongthesandhills,lookingat,theblack,heavysea。 “Shewillnevergivein,“hesaidquietly。 Clara’sheartsank。 “No,“shereplied。 “Therearedifferentwaysofdying。Myfather’speople,arefrightened,andhavetobehauledoutoflifeintodeath,likecattleintoaslaughter-house,pulledbytheneck; butmymother’speoplearepushedfrombehind,inchbyinch。 Theyarestubbornpeople,andwon’tdie。” “Yes,“saidClara。 “Andshewon’tdie。Shecan’t。Mr。Renshaw,theparson,wasin,theotherday。’Think!’hesaidtoher;’youwillhaveyourmother,andfather,andyoursisters,andyourson,intheOtherLand。’ Andshesaid:,’Ihavedonewithoutthemforalongtime,andCAN dowithoutthemnow。ItisthelivingIwant,notthedead。’ Shewantstoliveevennow。” “Oh,howhorrible!”saidClara,toofrightenedtospeak。 “Andshelooksatme,andshewantstostaywithme,“hewent,onmonotonously。”She’sgotsuchawill,itseemsasifshewould,nevergo——never!” “Don’tthinkofit!”criedClara。 “Andshewasreligious——sheisreligiousnow——butitisnogood。 Shesimplywon’tgivein。Anddoyouknow,IsaidtoheronThursday:,’Mother,ifIhadtodie,I’ddie。 I’dWILLtodie。’,Andshesaidtome,sharp:,’DoyouthinkI haven’t?,Doyouthinkyoucandiewhenyoulike?’“ Hisvoiceceased。Hedidnotcry,onlywentonspeaking,mo-notonously。Clarawantedtorun。Shelookedround。 Therewastheblack,re-echoingshore,thedarkskydownonher。 Shegotupterrified。Shewantedtobewheretherewaslight,wheretherewereotherpeople。Shewantedtobeawayfromhim。 Hesatwithhisheaddropped,notmovingamuscle。 “AndIdon’twanthertoeat,“hesaid,“andsheknowsit。 WhenIaskher:,’Shallyouhaveanything’she’salmostafraidto,say’Yes。’,’I’llhaveacupofBenger’s,’shesays。’It’llonlykeep,yourstrengthup,’Isaidtoher。’Yes’——andshealmostcried——’but,there’ssuchagnawingwhenIeatnothing,Ican’tbearit。’ SoIwentandmadeherthefood。It’sthecancerthatgnawslike,thatather。Iwishshe’ddie!” “Come!”saidClararoughly。”I’mgoing。” Hefollowedherdownthedarknessofthesands。Hedid,notcometoher。Heseemedscarcelyawareofherexistence。 Andshewasafraidofhim,anddislikedhim。 InthesameacutedazetheywentbacktoNottingham。 Hewasalwaysbusy,alwaysdoingsomething,alwaysgoingfromone,totheotherofhisfriends。 OntheMondayhewenttoseeBaxterDawes。Listlessandpale,themanrosetogreettheother,clingingtohischairasheheld,outhishand。 “Youshouldn’tgetup,“saidPaul。 Dawessatdownheavily,eyeingMorelwithasortofsuspicion。 “Don’tyouwasteyourtimeonme,“hesaid,“ifyou’veowt,bettertodo。” “Iwantedtocome,“saidPaul。”Here!,Ibroughtyousomesweets。” Theinvalidputthemaside。 “It’snotbeenmuchofaweek-end,“saidMorel。 “How’syourmother?”askedtheother。 “Hardlyanydifferent。” “Ithoughtshewasperhapsworse,beingasyoudidn’tcome,onSunday。” “IwasatSkegness,“saidPaul。”Iwantedachange。” Theotherlookedathimwithdarkeyes。Heseemedtobe,waiting,notquitedaringtoask,trustingtobetold。 “IwentwithClara,“saidPaul。 “Iknewasmuch,“saidDawesquietly。 “Itwasanoldpromise,“saidPaul。 “Youhaveityourownway,“saidDawes。 ThiswasthefirsttimeClarahadbeendefinitelymentioned,betweenthem。 “Nay,“saidMorelslowly;“she’stiredofme。” AgainDaweslookedathim。 “SinceAugustshe’sbeengettingtiredofme,“Morelrepeated。 Thetwomenwereveryquiettogether。Paulsuggestedagame,ofdraughts。Theyplayedinsilence。 “Is’llgoabroadwhenmymother’sdead,“saidPaul。 “Abroad!”repeatedDawes。 “Yes;Idon’tcarewhatIdo。” Theycontinuedthegame。Daweswaswinning。 “Is’llhavetobeginanewstartofsomesort,“saidPaul; “andyouaswell,Isuppose。” HetookoneofDawes’spieces。 “Idunnowhere,“saidtheother。 “Thingshavetohappen,“Morelsaid。”It’snogooddoing,anything——atleast——no,Idon’tknow。Givemesometoffee。” Thetwomenatesweets,andbegananothergameofdraughts。 “Whatmadethatscaronyourmouth?”askedDawes。 Paulputhishandhastilytohislips,andlookedoverthegarden。 “Ihadabicycleaccident,“hesaid。 Dawes’shandtrembledashemovedthepiece。 “Youshouldn’tha’laughedatme,“hesaid,verylow。 “When?” “ThatnightonWoodboroughRoad,whenyouandherpassed,me——youwithyourhandonhershoulder。” “Ineverlaughedatyou,“saidPaul。 Daweskepthisfingersonthedraught-piece。 “Ineverknewyouweretheretilltheverysecondwhenyoupassed,“ saidMorel。 “Itwasthatasdidme,“Dawessaid,verylow。 Paultookanothersweet。 “Ineverlaughed,“hesaid,“exceptasI’malwayslaughing。” Theyfinishedthegame。 ThatnightMorelwalkedhomefromNottingham,inordertohave,somethingtodo。ThefurnacesflaredinaredblotchoverBulwell; theblackcloudswerelikealowceiling。Ashewentalongtheten,milesofhighroad,hefeltasifhewerewalkingoutoflife,betweentheblacklevelsoftheskyandtheearth。Butattheend,wasonlythesick-room。Ifhewalkedandwalkedforever,therewas,onlythatplacetocometo。 Hewasnottiredwhenhegotnearhome,orHedidnotknowit。 Acrossthefieldhecouldseetheredfirelightleapinginher,bedroomwindow。 “Whenshe’sdead,“hesaidtohimself,“thatfirewillgoout。” Hetookoffhisbootsquietlyandcreptupstairs。 Hismothersdoorwaswideopen,becauseshesleptalonestill。 Theredfirelightdasheditsglowonthelanding。Softasashadow,hepeepedinherdoorway。 “Paul!”shemurmured。 Hisheartseemedtobreakagain。Hewentinandsatbythebed。 “Howlateyouare!”shemurmured。 “Notvery,“hesaid。 “Why,whattimeisit?”Themurmurcameplaintiveandhelpless。 “It’sonlyjustgoneeleven。” Thatwasnottrue;itwasnearlyoneo’clock。 “Oh!”shesaid;“Ithoughtitwaslater。” Andheknewtheunutterablemiseryofhernightsthatwould,notgo。 “Can’tyousleep,mypigeon?”hesaid。 “No,Ican’t,“shewailed。 “Nevermind,Little!”Hesaidcrooning。”Nevermind,mylove。 I’llstopwithyouhalfanhour,mypigeon;thenperhapsitwill,bebetter。” Andhesatbythebedside,slowly,rhythmicallystrokingher,browswithhisfinger-tips,strokinghereyesshut,soothingher,holdingherfingersinhisfreehand。Theycouldhearthesleepers’ breathingintheotherrooms。 “Nowgotobed,“shemurmured,lyingquitestillunderhis,fingersandhislove。 “Willyousleep?”heasked。 “Yes,Ithinkso。” “Youfeelbetter,myLittle,don’tyou?” “Yes,“shesaid,likeafretful,half-soothedchild。 Stillthedaysandtheweekswentby。Hehardlyeverwenttosee,Claranow。Buthewanderedrestlesslyfromonepersontoanother,forsomehelp,andtherewasnoneanywhere。Miriamhadwritten,tohimtenderly。Hewenttoseeher。Herheartwasverysore,whenshesawhim,white,gaunt,withhiseyesdarkandbewildered。 Herpitycameup,hurtinghertillshecouldnotbearit。 “Howisshe?”sheasked。 “Thesame——thesame!”hesaid。”Thedoctorsaysshecan’tlast,butIknowshewill。She’llbehereatChristmas。” Miriamshuddered。Shedrewhimtoher;shepressedhimtoherbosom; shekissedhimandkissedhim。Hesubmitted,butitwastorture。 Shecouldnotkisshisagony。Thatremainedaloneandapart。 Shekissedhisface,androusedhisblood,whilehissoulwasapart,writhingwiththeagonyofdeath。Andshekissedhimandfingered,hisbody,tillatlast,feelinghewouldgomad,hegotawayfromher。 Itwasnotwhathewantedjustthen——notthat。Andshethoughtshe,hadsoothedhimanddonehimgood。 Decembercame,andsomesnow。Hestayedathomeallthewhilenow。 Theycouldnotaffordanurse。Anniecametolookafterhermother; theparishnurse,whomtheyloved,cameinmorningandevening。 PaulsharedthenursingwithAnnie。Often,intheevenings,whenfriendswereinthekitchenwiththem,theyalllaughedtogether,andshookwithlaughter。Itwasreaction。Paulwassocomical,Anniewassoquaint。Thewholepartylaughedtilltheycried,tryingtosubduethesound。AndMrs。Morel,lyingaloneinthe,darknessheardthem,andamongherbitternesswasafeeling,ofrelief。 ThenPaulwouldgoupstairsgingerly,guiltily,toseeifshe,hadheard。 “ShallIgiveyousomemilk?”heasked。 “Alittle,“sherepliedplaintively。 Andhewouldputsomewaterwithit,sothatitshouldnot,nourishher。Yethelovedhermorethanhisownlife。 Shehadmorphiaeverynight,andherheartgotfitful。 Anniesleptbesideher。Paulwouldgoinintheearlymorning,whenhissistergotup。Hismotherwaswastedandalmostashen,inthemorningwiththemorphia。Darkeranddarkergrewhereyes,allpupil,withthetorture。Inthemorningsthewearinessandache,weretoomuchtobear。Yetshecouldnot——wouldnot——weep,oreven,complainmuch。 “Yousleptabitlaterthismorning,littleone,“hewould,saytoher。 “DidI?”sheanswered,withfretfulweariness。 “Yes;it’snearlyeighto’clock。” Hestoodlookingoutofthewindow。Thewholecountry,wasbleakandpallidunderthesnow。Thenhefeltherpulse。 Therewasastrongstrokeandaweakone,likeasoundanditsecho。 Thatwassupposedtobetokentheend。Shelethimfeelherwrist,knowingwhathewanted。 Sometimestheylookedineachother’seyes。Thentheyalmost,seemedtomakeanagreement。Itwasalmostasifhewereagreeing,todiealso。Butshedidnotconsenttodie;shewouldnot。 Herbodywaswastedtoafragmentofash。Hereyesweredarkand,fulloftorture。 “Can’tyougivehersomethingtoputanendtoit?”heasked,thedoctoratlast。 Butthedoctorshookhishead。 “Shecan’tlastmanydaysnow,Mr。Morel,“hesaid。 Paulwentindoors。 “Ican’tbearitmuchlonger;weshallallgomad,“saidAnnie。 Thetwosatdowntobreakfast。 “Goandsitwithherwhilewehavebreakfast,Minnie,“saidAnnie。 Butthegirlwasfrightened。 Paulwentthroughthecountry,throughthewoods,overthesnow。 Hesawthemarksofrabbitsandbirdsinthewhitesnow。 Hewanderedmilesandmiles。Asmokyredsunsetcameonslowly,painfully,lingering。Hethoughtshewoulddiethatday。Therewas,adonkeythatcameuptohimoverthesnowbythewood’sedge,andputitsheadagainsthim,andwalkedwithhimalongside。 Heputhisarmsroundthedonkey’sneck,andstrokedhischeeks,againsthisears。 Hismother,silent,wasstillalive,withherhardmouth,grippedgrimly,hereyesofdarktortureonlyliving。 ItwasnearingChristmas;therewasmoresnow。Annieand,hefeltasiftheycouldgoonnomore。Stillherdarkeyes,werealive。Morel,silentandfrightened,obliteratedhimself。 Sometimeshewouldgointothesick-roomandlookather。 Thenhebackedout,bewildered。 Shekeptherholdonlifestill。Theminershadbeenout,onstrike,andreturnedafortnightorsobeforeChristmas。 Minniewentupstairswiththefeeding-cup。Itwastwodaysafter,themenhadbeenin。 “Havethemenbeensayingtheirhandsaresore,Minnie?” sheasked,inthefaint,querulousvoicethatwouldnotgivein。 Minniestoodsurprised。 “NotasIknowof,Mrs。Morel,“sheanswered。 “ButI’llbettheyaresore,“saidthedyingwoman,asshe,movedherheadwithasighofweariness。”But,atanyrate,there’llbesomethingtobuyinwiththisweek。” Notathingdidsheletslip。 “Yourfather’spitthingswillwantwellairing,Annie,“shesaid,whenthemenweregoingbacktowork。 “Don’tyoubotheraboutthat,mydear,“saidAnnie。 OnenightAnnieandPaulwerealone。Nursewasupstairs。 “She’llliveoverChristmas,“saidAnnie。Theywerebothfull,ofhorror。”Shewon’t,“herepliedgrimly。”Is’llgivehermorphia。” “Which?”saidAnnie。 “AllthatcamefromSheffield,“saidPaul。 “Ay——do!”saidAnnie。 Thenextdayhewaspaintinginthebedroom。Sheseemed,tobeasleep。Hesteppedsoftlybackwardsandforwardsathis,painting。Suddenlyhersmallvoicewailed: “Don’twalkabout,Paul。” Helookedround。Hereyes,likedarkbubblesinherface,werelookingathim。 “No,mydear,“hesaidgently。Anotherfibreseemedtosnap,inhisheart。 Thateveninghegotallthemorphiapillstherewere,andtook,themdownstairs。Carefullyhecrushedthemtopowder。 “Whatareyoudoing?”saidAnnie。 “Is’llput’eminhernightmilk。” Thentheybothlaughedtogetherliketwoconspiringchildren。 Ontopofalltheirhorrorflickedthislittlesanity。 NursedidnotcomethatnighttosettleMrs。Moreldown。 Paulwentupwiththehotmilkinafeeding-cup。Itwasnine,o’clock。 Shewasrearedupinbed,andheputthefeeding-cupbetweenher,lipsthathewouldhavediedtosavefromanyhurt。Shetookasip,thenputthespoutofthecupawayandlookedathimwithherdark,wonderingeyes。Helookedather。 “Oh,itISbitter,Paul!”shesaid,makingalittlegrimace。 “It’sanewsleepingdraughtthedoctorgavemeforyou,“hesaid。 “Hethoughtitwouldleaveyouinsuchastateinthemorning。” “AndIhopeitwon’t,“shesaid,likeachild。 Shedranksomemoreofthemilk。 “ButitIShorrid!”shesaid。 Hesawherfrailfingersoverthecup,herlipsmaking,alittlemove。 “Iknow——Itastedit,“hesaid。”ButI’llgiveyousomeclean,milkafterwards。” “Ithinkso,“shesaid,andshewentonwiththedraught。 Shewasobedienttohimlikeachild。Hewonderedifsheknew。 Hesawherpoorwastedthroatmovingasshedrankwithdifficulty。 Thenherandownstairsformoremilk。Therewerenograinsinthebottom,ofthecup。 “Hasshehadit?”whisperedAnnie。 “Yes——andshesaiditwasbitter。” “Oh!”laughedAnnie,puttingherunderlipbetweenherteeth。 “AndItoldheritwasanewdraught。Where’sthatmilk?” Theybothwentupstairs。 “Iwonderwhynursedidn’tcometosettlemedown?” complainedthemother,likeachild,wistfully。 “Shesaidshewasgoingtoaconcert,mylove,“repliedAnnie。 “Didshe?” Theyweresilentaminute。Mrs。Morelgulpedthelittle,cleanmilk。 “Annie,thatdraughtWAShorrid!”shesaidplaintively。 “Wasit,mylove?,Well,nevermind。” Themothersighedagainwithweariness。Herpulsewas,veryirregular。 “LetUSsettleyoudown,“saidAnnie。”Perhapsnursewill,besolate。” “Ay,“saidthemother——“try。” Theyturnedtheclothesback。PaulsawhismotherLIkeagirl,curledupinherflannelnightdress。Quicklytheymadeonehalf,ofthebed,movedher,madetheother,straightenedhernightgown,overhersmallfeet,andcoveredherup。 “There,“saidPaul,strokinghersoftly。”There!——nowyou’llsleep。” “Yes,“shesaid。”Ididn’tthinkyoucoulddothebedsonicely,“ sheadded,almostgaily。Thenshecurledup,withhercheek,onherhand,herheadsnuggedbetweenhershoulders。Paulput,thelongthinplaitofgreyhairoverhershoulderandkissedher。 “You’llsleep,mylove,“hesaid。 “Yes,“sheansweredtrustfully。”Good-night。” Theyputoutthelight,anditwasstill。 Morelwasinbed。Nursedidnotcome。AnnieandPaulcame,tolookatheratabouteleven。Sheseemedtobesleepingasusual,afterherdraught。Hermouthhadcomeabitopen。 “Shallwesitup?”saidPaul。 “Is’llliewithherasIalwaysdo,“saidAnnie。”Shemight,wakeup。” “Allright。Andcallmeifyouseeanydifference。” “Yes。” Theylingeredbeforethebedroomfire,feelingthenightbig,andblackandsnowyoutside,theirtwoselvesaloneintheworld。 Atlasthewentintothenextroomandwenttobed。 Hesleptalmostimmediately,butkeptwakingeverynowandagain。 Thenhewentsoundasleep。HestartedawakeatAnnie’swhispered,“Paul,Paul!”Hesawhissisterinherwhitenightdress,withher,longplaitofhairdownherback,standinginthedarkness。 “Yes?”hewhispered,sittingup。 “Comeandlookather。” Heslippedoutofbed。Abudofgaswasburninginthe,sickchamber。Hismotherlaywithhercheekonherhand,curledup,asshehadgonetosleep。Buthermouthhadfallenopen,andshe,breathedwithgreat,hoarsebreaths,likesnoring,andtherewere,longintervalsbetween。 “She’sgoing!”hewhispered。 “Yes,“saidAnnie。 “Howlonghasshebeenlikeit?” “Ionlyjustwokeup。” Anniehuddledintothedressing-gown,Paulwrappedhimself,inabrownblanket。Itwasthreeo’clock。Hemendedthefire。 Thenthetwosatwaiting。Thegreat,snoringbreathwastaken——held,awhile——thengivenback。Therewasaspace——alongspace。 Thentheystarted。Thegreat,snoringbreathwastakenagain。 Hebentclosedownandlookedather。 “Isn’titawful!”whisperedAnnie。 Henodded。Theysatdownagainhelplessly。Againcamethegreat,snoringbreath。Againtheyhungsuspended。Againitwasgivenback,longandharsh。Thesound,soirregular,atsuchwideintervals,soundedthroughthehouse。Morel,inhisroom,slepton。 PaulandAnniesatcrouched,huddled,motionless。Thegreatsnoring,soundbeganagain——therewasapainfulpausewhilethebreathwas,held——backcametheraspingbreath。Minuteafterminutepassed。 Paullookedatheragain,bendinglowoverher。 “Shemaylastlikethis,“hesaid。 Theywerebothsilent。Helookedoutofthewindow,andcould,faintlydiscernthesnowonthegarden。 “Yougotomybed,“hesaidtoAnnie。”I’llsitup。” “No,“shesaid,“I’llstopwithyou。” “I’dratheryoudidn’t,“hesaid。 AtlastAnniecreptoutoftheroom,andhewasalone。 Hehuggedhimselfinhisbrownblanket,crouchedinfrontof,hismother,watching。Shelookeddreadful,withthebottomjaw,fallenback。Hewatched。Sometimeshethoughtthegreatbreath,wouldneverbeginagain。Hecouldnotbearit——thewaiting。 Thensuddenly,startlinghim,camethegreatharshsound。 Hemendedthefireagain,noiselessly。Shemustnotbedisturbed。 Theminuteswentby。Thenightwasgoing,breathbybreath。 Eachtimethesoundcamehefeltitwringhim,tillatlasthecould,notfeelsomuch。 Hisfathergotup。Paulheardtheminerdrawinghis,stockingson,yawning。ThenMorel,inshirtandstockings,entered。 “Hush!”saidPaul。 Morelstoodwatching。Thenhelookedathisson,helplessly,andinhorror。 “HadIbetterstopa-whoam?”hewhispered。 “No。Gotowork。She’lllastthroughto-morrow。” “Idon’tthinkso。” “Yes。Gotowork。” Theminerlookedatheragain,infear,andwentobediently,outoftheroom。Paulsawthetapeofhisgartersswingingagainst,hislegs。 Afteranotherhalf-hourPaulwentdownstairsanddrankacup,oftea,thenreturned。Morel,dressedforthepit,cameupstairsagain。 “AmItogo?”hesaid。 “Yes。” AndinafewminutesPaulheardhisfather’sheavystepsgo,thuddingoverthedeadeningsnow。Minerscalledinthestreets,astheytrampedingangstowork。Theterrible,long-drawnbreaths,continued——heave——heave——heave;thenalongpause——then——ah-h-h-h-h! asitcameback。Farawayoverthesnowsoundedthehooters,oftheironworks。Oneafteranothertheycrowedandboomed,somesmallandfaraway,somenear,theblowersofthecollieries,andtheotherworks。Thentherewassilence。Hemendedthefire。 Thegreatbreathsbrokethesilence——shelookedjustthesame。 Heputbacktheblindandpeeredout。Stillitwasdark。 Perhapstherewasalightertinge。Perhapsthesnowwasbluer。 Hedrewuptheblindandgotdressed。Then,shuddering,hedrank,brandyfromthebottleonthewash-stand。ThesnowWASgrowingblue。 Heheardacartclankingdownthestreet。Yes,itwasseveno’clock,anditwascomingalittlebitlight。Heheardsomepeoplecalling。 Theworldwaswaking。Agrey,deathlydawncreptoverthesnow。 Yes,hecouldseethehouses。Heputoutthegas。Itseemed,verydark。Thebreathingcamestill,buthewasalmostusedtoit。 Hecouldseeher。Shewasjustthesame。Hewonderedifhepiled,heavyclothesontopofheritwouldstop。Helookedather。 Thatwasnother——notherabit。Ifhepiledtheblanketandheavycoats,onher—— Suddenlythedooropened,andAnnieentered。Shelooked,athimquestioningly。 “Justthesame,“hesaidcalmly。 Theywhisperedtogetheraminute,thenhewentdownstairs,togetbreakfast。Itwastwentytoeight。SoonAnniecamedown。 “Isn’titawful!,Doesn’tshelookawful!”shewhispered,dazedwithhorror。 Henodded。 “Ifshelookslikethat!”saidAnnie。 “Drinksometea,“hesaid。 Theywentupstairsagain。Soontheneighbourscamewiththeir,frightenedquestion: “Howisshe?” Itwentonjustthesame。Shelaywithhercheekinherhand,hermouthfallenopen,andthegreat,ghastlysnorescameandwent。 Atteno’clocknursecame。Shelookedstrangeandwoebegone。 “Nurse,“criedPaul,“she’lllastlikethisfordays?” “Shecan’t,Mr。Morel,“saidnurse。”Shecan’t。” Therewasasilence。 “Isn’titdreadful!”wailedthenurse。”Whowouldhavethought,shecouldstandit?,Godownnow,Mr。Morel,godown。” Atlast,atabouteleveno’clock,hewentdownstairs,andsatintheneighbour’shouse。Anniewasdownstairsalso。 NurseandArthurwereupstairs。Paulsatwithhisheadinhishand。 SuddenlyAnniecameflyingacrosstheyardcrying,halfmad: “Paul——Paul——she’sgone!” Inasecondhewasbackinhisownhouseandupstairs。 Shelaycurledupandstill,withherfaceonherhand,andnurse,waswipinghermouth。Theyallstoodback。Hekneeleddown,andputhisfacetohersandhisarmsroundher: “Mylove——mylove——oh,mylove!”hewhisperedagainandagain。 “Mylove——oh,mylove!” Thenheheardthenursebehindhim,crying,saying: “She’sbetter,Mr。Morel,she’sbetter。” Whenhetookhisfaceupfromhiswarm,deadmotherhewent,straightdownstairsandbeganblackinghisboots。 Therewasagooddealtodo,letterstowrite,andsoon。 Thedoctorcameandglancedather,andsighed。 “Ay——poorthing!”hesaid,thenturnedaway。”Well,call,atthesurgeryaboutsixforthecertificate。” Thefathercamehomefromworkataboutfouro’clock。He,draggedsilentlyintothehouseandsatdown。Minniebustledto,givehimhisdinner。Tired,helaidhisblackarmsonthetable。 Therewereswedeturnipsforhisdinner,whichheliked。 Paulwonderedifheknew。Itwassometime,andnobodyhadspoken。 Atlastthesonsaid: “Younoticedtheblindsweredown?” Morellookedup。 “No,“hesaid。”Why——hasshegone?” “Yes。” “Whenworthat?” “Abouttwelvethismorning。” “H’m!” Theminersatstillforamoment,thenbeganhisdinner。 Itwasasifnothinghadhappened。Heatehisturnipsinsilence。 Afterwardshewashedandwentupstairstodress。Thedoorofherroom,wasshut。 “Haveyouseenher?”Annieaskedofhimwhenhecamedown。 “No,“hesaid。 Inalittlewhilehewentout。Anniewentaway,andPaul,calledontheundertaker,theclergyman,thedoctor,theregistrar。 Itwasalongbusiness。Hegotbackatnearlyeighto’clock。The,undertakerwascomingsoontomeasureforthecoffin。Thehouse,wasemptyexceptforher。Hetookacandleandwentupstairs。 Theroomwascold,thathadbeenwarmforsolong。Flowers,bottles,plates,allsick-roomlitterwastakenaway;everythingwas,harshandaustere。Shelayraisedonthebed,thesweepofthesheet,fromtheraisedfeetwaslikeacleancurveofsnow,sosilent。 Shelaylikeamaidenasleep。Withhiscandleinhishand,hebent,overher。Shelaylikeagirlasleepanddreamingofherlove。 Themouthwasalittleopenasifwonderingfromthesuffering,butherfacewasyoung,herbrowclearandwhiteasiflifehad,nevertouchedit。Helookedagainattheeyebrows,atthesmall,winsomenoseabitononeside。Shewasyoungagain。Onlythehair,asitarchedsobeautifullyfromhertempleswasmixedwithsilver,andthetwosimpleplaitsthatlayonhershoulderswerefiligree,ofsilverandbrown。Shewouldwakeup。Shewouldlifthereyelids。 Shewaswithhimstill。Hebentandkissedherpassionately。 Buttherewascoldnessagainsthismouth。Hebithis,lipswithhorror。Lookingather,hefelthecouldnever,neverlet,hergo。No!,Hestrokedthehairfromhertemples。That,too,wascold。Hesawthemouthsodumbandwonderingatthehurt。 Thenhecrouchedonthefloor,whisperingtoher: “Mother,mother!” Hewasstillwithherwhentheundertakerscame,youngmen,whohadbeentoschoolwithhim。Theytouchedherreverently,andinaquiet,businesslikefashion。Theydidnotlookather。 Hewatchedjealously。HeandAnnieguardedherfiercely。 Theywouldnotletanybodycometoseeher,andtheneighbours,wereoffended。 AfterawhilePaulwentoutofthehouse,andplayedcards,atafriend’s。Itwasmidnightwhenhegotback。Hisfatherrose,fromthecouchasheentered,sayinginaplaintiveway: “Ithoughtthawornivercomin’,lad。” “Ididn’tthinkyou’dsitup,“saidPaul。 Hisfatherlookedsoforlorn。Morelhadbeenamanwithout,fear——simplynothingfrightenedhim。Paulrealisedwithastartthat,hehadbeenafraidtogotobed,aloneinthehousewithhisdead。 Hewassorry。 “Iforgotyou’dbealone,father,“hesaid。 “Dostwantowttoeat?”askedMorel。 “No。” “Sithee——Imadetheeadropo’hotmilk。Getitdownthee; it’scoldenoughforowt。” Pauldrankit。 AfterawhileMorelwenttobed。Hehurriedpastthecloseddoor,andlefthisowndooropen。Soonthesoncameupstairsalso。 Hewentintokisshergood-night,asusual。Itwascoldanddark。 Hewishedtheyhadkeptherfireburning。Stillshedreamedher,youngdream。Butshewouldbecold。 “Mydear!”hewhispered。”Mydear!” Andhedidnotkissher,forfearsheshouldbecold,andstrangetohim。Iteasedhimshesleptsobeautifully。 Heshutherdoorsoftly,nottowakeher,andwenttobed。 InthemorningMorelsummonedhiscourage,hearingAnnie,downstairsandPaulcoughingintheroomacrossthelanding。 Heopenedherdoor,andwentintothedarkenedroom。Hesawthe,whiteupliftedforminthetwilight,butherhedarednotsee。 Bewildered,toofrightenedtopossessanyofhisfaculties,hegot,outoftheroomagainandlefther。Heneverlookedatheragain。 Hehadnotseenherformonths,becausehehadnotdaredtolook。 Andshelookedlikehisyoungwifeagain。 “Haveyouseenher?”Annieaskedofhimsharplyafterbreakfast。 “Yes,“hesaid。 “Anddon’tyouthinkshelooksnice?” “Yes。” Hewentoutofthehousesoonafter。Andallthetime,Heseemedtobecreepingasidetoavoidit。 Paulwentaboutfromplacetoplace,doingthebusinessof,thedeath。HemetClarainNottingham,andtheyhadteatogether,inacafe,whentheywerequitejollyagain。Shewasinfinitely,relievedtofindhedidnottakeittragically。 Later,whentherelativesbegantocomeforthefuneral,theaffairbecamepublic,andthechildrenbecamesocialbeings。 Theyputthemselvesaside。Theyburiedherinafuriousstorm,ofrainandwind。Thewetclayglistened,allthewhiteflowers,weresoaked。Anniegrippedhisarmandleanedforward。 DownbelowshesawadarkcornerofWilliam’scoffin。Theoak,boxsanksteadily。Shewasgone。Therainpouredinthegrave。 Theprocessionofblack,withitsumbrellasglistening,turnedaway。 Thecemeterywasdesertedunderthedrenchingcoldrain。 Paulwenthomeandbusiedhimselfsupplyingtheguestswithdrinks。 HisfathersatinthekitchenwithMrs。Morel’srelatives,“superior“people,andwept,andsaidwhatagoodlassshe’dbeen,andhowhe’dtriedtodoeverythinghecouldforher——everything。 Hehadstrivenallhislifetodowhathecouldforher,andhe’d,nothingtoreproachhimselfwith。Shewasgone,buthe’ddone,hisbestforher。Hewipedhiseyeswithhiswhitehandkerchief。 He’dnothingtoreproachhimselffor,herepeated。Allhislifehe’d,donehisbestforher。 Andthatwashowhetriedtodismissher。Henever,thoughtofherpersonally。Everythingdeepinhimhedenied。 Paulhatedhisfatherforsittingsentimentalisingoverher。 Heknewhewoulddoitinthepublic-houses。Fortherealtragedy,wentoninMorelinspiteofhimself。Sometimes,later,hecame,downfromhisafternoonsleep,whiteandcowering。 “IHAVEbeendreamingofthymother,“hesaidinasmallvoice。 “Haveyou,father?,WhenIdreamofherit’salwaysjustasshe,waswhenshewaswell。Idreamofheroften,butitseemsquite,niceandnatural,asifnothinghadaltered。” ButMorelcrouchedinfrontofthefireinterror。 Theweekspassedhalf-real,notmuchpain,notmuchofanything,perhapsalittlerelief,mostlyanuitblanche。Paulwentrestless,fromplacetoplace。Forsomemonths,sincehismotherhadbeenworse,hehadnotmadelovetoClara。Shewas,asitwere,dumbtohim,ratherdistant。Dawessawherveryoccasionally,butthetwo,couldnotgetaninchacrossthegreatdistancebetweenthem。 Thethreeofthemweredriftingforward。 Dawesmendedveryslowly。Hewasintheconvalescenthome,atSkegnessatChristmas,nearlywellagain。Paulwenttothe,seasideforafewdays。HisfatherwaswithAnnieinSheffield。 DawescametoPaul’slodgings。Histimeinthehomewasup。 Thetwomen,betweenwhomwassuchabigreserve,seemedfaithful,toeachother。DawesdependedonMorelnow。HeknewPaulandClara,hadpracticallyseparated。 TwodaysafterChristmasPaulwastogobacktoNottingham。 TheeveningbeforehesatwithDawessmokingbeforethefire。 “YouknowClara’scomingdownforthedayto-morrow?” hesaid。 Theothermanglancedathim。 “Yes,youtoldme,“hereplied。 Pauldranktheremainderofhisglassofwhisky。 “Itoldthelandladyyourwifewascoming,“hesaid。 “Didyou?”saidDawes,shrinking,butalmostleavinghimself,intheother’shands。Hegotupratherstiffly,andreached,forMorel’sglass。 “Letmefillyouup,“hesaid。 Pauljumpedup。 “Yousitstill,“hesaid。 ButDawes,withrathershakyhand,continuedtomixthedrink。 “Saywhen,“hesaid。 “Thanks!”repliedtheother。”Butyou’venobusinesstogetup。” “Itdoesmegood,lad,“repliedDawes。”Ibegintothink,I’mrightagain,then。” “Youareaboutright,youknow。” “Iam,certainlyIam,“saidDawes,noddingtohim。 “AndLensayshecangetyouoninSheffield。” Dawesglancedathimagain,withdarkeyesthatagreedwith,everythingtheotherwouldsay,perhapsatrifledominatedbyhim。 “It’sfunny,“saidPaul,“startingagain。Ifeelinalot,biggermessthanyou。” “Inwhatway,lad?” “Idon’tknow。Idon’tknow。It’sasifIwasinatangled,sortofhole,ratherdarkanddreary,andnoroadanywhere。” “Iknow——Iunderstandit,“Dawessaid,nodding。”Butyou’ll,findit’llcomeallright。” Hespokecaressingly。 “Isupposeso,“saidPaul。 Dawesknockedhispipeinahopelessfashion。 “You’venotdoneforyourselflikeIhave,“hesaid。 Morelsawthewristandthewhitehandoftheotherman,grippingthestemofthepipeandknockingouttheash,asifhe,hadgivenup。 “Howoldareyou?”Paulasked。 “Thirty-nine,“repliedDawes,glancingathim。 Thosebrowneyes,fulloftheconsciousnessoffailure,almostpleadingforreassurance,forsomeonetore-establishtheman,inhimself,towarmhim,tosethimupfirmagain,troubledPaul。 “You’lljustbeinyourprime,“saidMorel。”Youdon’tlook,asifmuchlifehadgoneoutofyou。” Thebrowneyesoftheotherflashedsuddenly。 “Ithasn’t,“hesaid。”Thegoisthere。” Paullookedupandlaughed。 “We’vebothgotplentyoflifeinusyettomakethingsfly,“ hesaid。 Theeyesofthetwomenmet。Theyexchangedonelook。 Havingrecognisedthestressofpassioneachintheother,theyboth,dranktheirwhisky。 “Yes,begod!”saidDawes,breathless。