ThankGod,hersufferingsareover,butIwilltellyoueverythinginorder,sothatyoumayknowjusthoweverythinghashappenedandallthatwehavehithertoconcealedfromyou。WhenyouwrotetometwomonthsagothatyouhadheardthatDouniahadagreatdealtoputupwithintheSvidrigrailovs\'house,whenyouwrotethatandaskedmetotellyouallaboutit-whatcouldIwriteinanswertoyou?IfIhadwrittenthewholetruthtoyou,Idaresayyouwouldhavethrownupeverythingandhavecometous,evenifyouhadtowalkalltheway,forIknowyourcharacterandyourfeelings,andyouwouldnotletyoursisterbeinsulted。Iwasindespairmyself,butwhatcouldIdo?
And,besides,Ididnotknowthewholetruthmyselfthen。WhatmadeitallsodifficultwasthatDouniareceivedahundredroublesinadvancewhenshetooktheplaceasgovernessintheirfamily,onconditionofpartofhersalarybeingdeductedeverymonth,andsoitwasimpossibletothrowupthesituationwithoutrepayingthedebt。Thissum(nowIcanexplainitalltoyou,mypreciousRodya)shetookchieflyinordertosendyousixtyroubles,whichyouneededsoterriblythenandwhichyoureceivedfromuslastyear。Wedeceivedyouthen,writingthatthismoneycamefromDounia\'ssavings,butthatwasnotso,andnowItellyouallaboutit,because,thankGod,thingshavesuddenlychangedforthebetter,andthatyoumayknowhowDounialovesyouandwhataheartshehas。AtfirstindeedMr。
Svidrigailovtreatedherveryrudelyandusedtomakedisrespectfulandjeeringremarksattable……ButIdon\'twanttogointoallthosepainfuldetails,soasnottoworryyoufornothingwhenitisnowallover。Inshort,inspiteofthekindandgenerousbehaviourofMarfaPetrovna,Mr。Svidrigailov\'swife,andalltherestofthehousehold,Douniahadaveryhardtime,especiallywhenMr。
Svidrigailov,relapsingintohisoldregimentalhabits,wasundertheinfluenceofBacchus。Andhowdoyouthinkitwasallexplainedlateron?WouldyoubelievethatthecrazyfellowhadconceivedapassionforDouniafromthebeginning,buthadconcealeditunderashowofrudenessandcontempt。Possiblyhewasashamedandhorrifiedhimselfathisownflightyhopes,consideringhisyearsandhisbeingthefatherofafamily;andthatmadehimangrywithDounia。Andpossibly,too,hehopedbyhisrudeandsneeringbehaviourtohidethetruthfromothers。ButatlasthelostallcontrolandhadthefacetomakeDouniaanopenandshamefulproposal,promisingherallsortsofinducementsandoffering,besides,tothrowupeverythingandtakehertoanotherestateofhis,orevenabroad。Youcanimagineallshewentthrough!Toleavehersituationatoncewasimpossiblenotonlyonaccountofthemoneydebt,butalsotosparethefeelingsofMarfaPetrovna,whosesuspicionswouldhavebeenaroused;andthenDouniawouldhavebeenthecauseofaruptureinthefamily。AnditwouldhavemeantaterriblescandalforDouniatoo;thatwouldhavebeeninevitable。TherewerevariousotherreasonsowingtowhichDouniacouldnothopetoescapefromthatawfulhouseforanothersixweeks。YouknowDounia,ofcourse;youknowhowcleversheisandwhatastrongwillshehas。Douniacanendureagreatdealandeveninthemostdifficultcasesshehasthefortitudetomaintainherfirmness。Shedidnotevenwritetomeabouteverythingforfearofupsettingme,althoughwewereconstantlyincommunication。Itallendedveryunexpectedly。MarfaPetrovnaaccidentallyoverheardherhusbandimploringDouniainthegarden,and,puttingquiteawronginterpretationontheposition,threwtheblameuponher,believinghertobethecauseofitall。Anawfulscenetookplacebetweenthemonthespotinthegarden;MarfaPetrovnawentsofarastostrikeDounia,refusedtohearanythingandwasshoutingatherforawholehourandthengaveordersthatDouniashouldbepackedoffatoncetomeinaplainpeasant\'scart,intowhichtheyflungallherthings,herlinenandherclothes,allpell-mell,withoutfoldingitupandpackingit。Andaheavyshowerofraincameon,too,andDounia,insultedandputtoshame,hadtodrivewithapeasantinanopencartalltheseventeenverstsintotown。OnlythinknowwhatanswercouldIhavesenttotheletterIreceivedfromyoutwomonthsagoandwhatcouldIhavewritten?Iwasindespair;Idarednotwritetoyouthetruthbecauseyouwouldhavebeenveryunhappy,mortifiedandindignant,andyetwhatcouldyoudo?Youcouldonlyperhapsruinyourself,and,besides,Douniawouldnotallowit;andfillupmyletterwithtrifleswhenmyheartwassofullofsorrow,Icouldnot。Forawholemonththetownwasfullofgossipaboutthisscandal,anditcametosuchapassthatDouniaandIdarednotevengotochurchonaccountofthecontemptuouslooks,whispers,andevenremarksmadealoudaboutus。Allouracquaintancesavoidedus,nobodyevenbowedtousinthestreet,andIlearntthatsomeshopmenandclerkswereintendingtoinsultusinashamefulway,smearingthegatesofourhousewithpitch,sothatthelandlordbegantotelluswemustleave。AllthiswassetgoingbyMarfaPetrovnawhomanagedtoslanderDouniaandthrowdirtatherineveryfamily。Sheknowseveryoneintheneighbourhood,andthatmonthshewascontinuallycomingintothetown,andassheisrathertalkativeandfondofgossipingaboutherfamilyaffairsandparticularlyofcomplainingtoallandeachofherhusband-whichisnotatallright-
soinashorttimeshehadspreadherstorynotonlyinthetown,butoverthewholesurroundingdistrict。Itmademeill,butDouniaboreitbetterthanIdid,andifonlyyoucouldhaveseenhowsheendureditallandtriedtocomfortmeandcheermeup!Sheisanangel!ButbyGod\'smercy,oursufferingswerecutshort：Mr。
Svidrigailovreturnedtohissensesandrepentedand,probablyfeelingsorryforDounia,helaidbeforeMarfaPetrovnaacompleteandunmistakableproofofDounia\'sinnocence,intheformofaletterDouniahadbeenforcedtowriteandgivetohim,beforeMarfaPetrovnacameupontheminthegarden。Thisletter,whichremainedinMr。
Svidrigailov\'shandsafterherdeparture,shehadwrittentorefusepersonalexplanationsandsecretinterviews,forwhichhewasentreatingher。InthatlettershereproachedhimwithgreatheatandindignationforthebasenessofhisbehaviourinregardtoMarfaPetrovna,remindinghimthathewasthefatherandheadofafamilyandtellinghimhowinfamousitwasofhimtotormentandmakeunhappyadefencelessgirl,unhappyenoughalready。Indeed,dearRodya,theletterwassonoblyandtouchinglywrittenthatIsobbedwhenIreaditandtothisdayIcannotreaditwithouttears。Moreover,theevidenceoftheservants,too,clearedDounia\'sreputation;theyhadseenandknownagreatdealmorethanMr。Svidrigailovhadhimselfsupposed-asindeedisalwaysthecasewithservants。MarfaPetrovnawascompletelytakenaback,and\'againcrushed\'asshesaidherselftous,butshewascompletelyconvincedofDounia\'sinnocence。Theverynextday,beingSunday,shewentstraighttotheCathedral,kneltdownandprayedwithtearstoOurLadytogiveherstrengthtobearthisnewtrialandtodoherduty。ThenshecamestraightfromtheCathedraltous,toldusthewholestory,weptbitterlyand,fullypenitent,sheembracedDouniaandbesoughthertoforgiveher。Thesamemorningwithoutanydelay,shewentroundtoallthehousesinthetownandeverywhere,sheddingtears,sheassertedinthemostflatteringtermsDounia\'sinnocenceandthenobilityofherfeelingsandherbehavior。Whatwasmore,sheshowedandreadtoeveryonetheletterinDounia\'sownhandwritingtoMr。Svidrigailovandevenallowedthemtotakecopiesofit-whichImustsayIthinkwassuperfluous。Inthiswayshewasbusyforseveraldaysindrivingaboutthewholetown,becausesomepeoplehadtakenoffencethroughprecedencehavingbeengiventoothers。Andthereforetheyhadtotaketurns,sothatineveryhouseshewasexpectedbeforeshearrived,andeveryoneknewthatonsuchandsuchadayMarfaPetrovnawouldbereadingtheletterinsuchandsuchaplaceandpeopleassembledforeveryreadingofit,evenmanywhohadhearditseveraltimesalreadybothintheirownhousesandinotherpeople\'s。Inmyopinionagreatdeal,averygreatdealofallthiswasunnecessary;
butthat\'sMarfaPetrovna\'scharacter。Anywayshesucceededincompletelyre-establishingDounia\'sreputationandthewholeignominyofthisaffairrestedasanindelibledisgraceuponherhusband,astheonlypersontoblame,sothatIreallybegantofeelsorryforhim;itwasreallytreatingthecrazyfellowtooharshly。
Douniawasatonceaskedtogivelessonsinseveralfamilies,butsherefused。Allofasuddeneveryonebegantotreatherwithmarkedrespectandallthisdidmuchtobringabouttheeventbywhich,onemaysay,ourwholefortunesarenowtransformed。Youmustknow,dearRodya,thatDouniahasasuitorandthatshehasalreadyconsentedtomarryhim。Ihastentotellyouallaboutthematter,andthoughithasbeenarrangedwithoutaskingyourconsent,Ithinkyouwillnotbeaggrievedwithmeorwithyoursisteronthataccount,foryouwillseethatwecouldnotwaitandputoffourdecisiontillweheardfromyou。Andyoucouldnothavejudgedallthefactswithoutbeingonthespot。Thiswashowithappened。Heisalreadyoftherankofacounsellor,PyotrPetrovitchLuzhin,andisdistantlyrelatedtoMarfaPetrovna,whohasbeenveryactiveinbringingthematchabout。Itbeganwithhisexpressingthroughherhisdesiretomakeouracquaintance。Hewasproperlyreceived,drankcoffeewithusandtheverynextdayhesentusaletterinwhichheverycourteouslymadeanofferandbeggedforaspeedyanddecidedanswer。HeisaverybusymanandisinagreathurrytogettoPetersburg,sothateverymomentisprecioustohim。Atfirst,ofcourse,weweregreatlysurprised,asithadallhappenedsoquicklyandunexpectedly。Wethoughtandtalkeditoverthewholeday。Heisawell-to-doman,tobedependedupon,hehastwopostsinthegovernmentandhasalreadymadehisfortune。Itistruethatheisforty-fiveyearsold,butheisofafairlyprepossessingappearanceandmightstillbethoughtattractivebywomen,andheisaltogetheraveryrespectableandpresentableman,onlyheseemsalittlemoroseandsomewhatconceited。Butpossiblythatmayonlybetheimpressionhemakesatfirstsight。Andbeware,dearRodya,whenhecomestoPetersburg,asheshortlywilldo,bewareofjudginghimtoohastilyandseverely,asyourwayis,ifthereisanythingyoudonotlikeinhimatfirstsight。Igiveyouthiswarning,althoughIfeelsurethathewillmakeafavourableimpressionuponyou。Moreover,inordertounderstandanymanonemustbedeliberateandcarefultoavoidformingprejudicesandmistakenideas,whichareverydifficulttocorrectandgetoverafterwards。
AndPyotrPetrovitch,judgingbymanyindications,isathoroughlyestimableman。Athisfirstvisit,indeed,hetoldusthathewasapracticalman,butstillheshares,asheexpressedit,manyoftheconvictions\'ofourmostrisinggeneration\'andheisanopponentofallprejudices。Hesaidagooddealmore,forheseemsalittleconceitedandlikestobelistenedto,butthisisscarcelyavice。I,ofcourse,understoodverylittleofit,butDouniaexplainedtomethat,thoughheisnotamanofgreateducation,heiscleverandseemstobegood-natured。Youknowyoursister\'scharacter,Rodya。Sheisaresolute,sensible,patientandgenerousgirl,butshehasapassionateheart,asIknowverywell。Ofcourse,thereisnogreatloveeitheronhisside,oronhers,butDouniaisaclevergirlandhastheheartofanangel,andwillmakeitherdutytomakeherhusbandhappywhoonhissidewillmakeherhappinesshiscare。Ofthatwehavenogoodreasontodoubt,thoughitmustbeadmittedthematterhasbeenarrangedingreathaste。Besidesheisamanofgreatprudenceandhewillsee,tobesure,ofhimself,thathisownhappinesswillbethemoresecure,thehappierDouniaiswithhim。Andasforsomedefectsofcharacter,forsomehabitsandevencertaindifferencesofopinion-whichindeedareinevitableeveninthehappiestmarriages-Douniahassaidthat,asregardsallthat,shereliesonherself,thatthereisnothingtobeuneasyabout,andthatsheisreadytoputupwithagreatdeal,ifonlytheirfuturerelationshipcanbeanhonourableandstraightforwardone。Hestruckme,forinstance,atfirst,asratherabrupt,butthatmaywellcomefromhisbeinganoutspokenman,andthatisnodoubthowitis。Forinstance,athissecondvisit,afterhehadreceivedDounia\'sconsent,inthecourseofconversation,hedeclaredthatbeforemakingDounia\'sacquaintance,hehadmadeuphismindtomarryagirlofgoodreputation,withoutdowryand,aboveall,onewhohadexperiencedpoverty,because,asheexplained,amanoughtnottobeindebtedtohiswife,butthatitisbetterforawifetolookuponherhusbandasherbenefactor。ImustaddthatheexpresseditmorenicelyandpolitelythanIhavedone,forIhaveforgottenhisactualphrasesandonlyrememberthemeaning。And,besides,itwasobviouslynotsaidofdesign,butslippedoutintheheatofconversation,sothathetriedafterwardstocorrecthimselfandsmoothitover,butallthesameitdidstrikemeassomewhatrude,andIsaidsoafterwardstoDounia。ButDouniawasvexed,andansweredthat\'wordsarenotdeeds,\'
andthat,ofcourse,isperfectlytrue。Douniadidnotsleepallnightbeforeshemadeuphermind,and,thinkingthatIwasasleep,shegotoutofbedandwaswalkingupanddowntheroomallnight;atlastshekneltdownbeforetheikonandprayedlongandferventlyandinthemorningshetoldmethatshehaddecided。
“IhavementionedalreadythatPyotrPetrovitchisjustsettingoffforPetersburg,wherehehasagreatdealofbusiness,andhewantstoopenalegalbureau。Hehasbeenoccupiedformanyyearsinconductingcivilandcommerciallitigation,andonlytheotherdayhewonanimportantcase。HehastobeinPetersburgbecausehehasanimportantcasebeforetheSenate。So,Rodyadear,hemaybeofthegreatestusetoyou,ineverywayindeed,andDouniaandIhaveagreedthatfromthisverydayyoucoulddefinitelyenteruponyourcareerandmightconsiderthatyourfutureismarkedoutandassuredforyou。
Oh,ifonlythiscomestopass!Thiswouldbesuchabenefitthatwecouldonlylookuponitasaprovidentialblessing。Douniaisdreamingofnothingelse。WehaveevenventuredalreadytodropafewwordsonthesubjecttoPyotrPetrovitch。Hewascautiousinhisanswer,andsaidthat,ofcourse,ashecouldnotgetonwithoutasecretary,itwouldbebettertobepayingasalarytoarelationthantoastranger,ifonlytheformerwerefittedfortheduties(asthoughtherecouldbedoubtofyourbeingfitted!)butthenheexpresseddoubtswhetheryourstudiesattheuniversitywouldleaveyoutimeforworkathisoffice。Thematterdroppedforthetime,butDouniaisthinkingofnothingelsenow。Shehasbeeninasortoffeverforthelastfewdays,andhasalreadymadearegularplanforyourbecomingintheendanassociateandevenapartnerinPyotrPetrovitch\'sbusiness,whichmightwellbe,seeingthatyouareastudentoflaw。Iamincompleteagreementwithher,Rodya,andshareallherplansandhopes,andthinkthereiseveryprobabilityofrealisingthem。AndinspiteofPyotrPetrovitch\'sevasiveness,verynaturalatpresent,(sincehedoesnotknowyou)Douniaisfirmlypersuadedthatshewillgaineverythingbyhergoodinfluenceoverherfuturehusband;thissheisreckoningupon。OfcoursewearecarefulnottotalkofanyofthesemoreremoteplanstoPyotrPetrovitch,especiallyofyourbecominghispartner。Heisapracticalmanandmighttakethisverycoldly,itmightallseemtohimsimplyaday-dream。NorhaseitherDouniaorIbreathedawordtohimofthegreathopeswehaveofhishelpingustopayforyouruniversitystudies;wehavenotspokenofitinthefirstplace,becauseitwillcometopassofitself,lateron,andhewillnodoubtwithoutwastingwordsoffertodoitofhimself,(asthoughhecouldrefuseDouniathat)themorereadilysinceyoumaybyyourowneffortsbecomehisrighthandintheoffice,andreceivethisassistancenotasacharity,butasasalaryearnedbyyourownwork。DouniawantstoarrangeitalllikethisandIquiteagreewithher。Andwehavenotspokenofourplansforanotherreason,thatis,becauseI
particularlywantedyoutofeelonanequalfootingwhenyoufirstmeethim。WhenDouniaspoketohimwithenthusiasmaboutyou,heansweredthatonecouldneverjudgeofamanwithoutseeinghimclose,foroneself,andthathelookedforwardtoforminghisownopinionwhenhemakesyouracquaintance。Doyouknow,mypreciousRodya,I
thinkthatperhapsforsomereasons(nothingtodowithPyotrPetrovitchthough,simplyformyownpersonal,perhapsold-womanish,fancies)Ishoulddobettertogoonlivingbymyself,apart,thanwiththem,afterthewedding。Iamconvincedthathewillbegenerousanddelicateenoughtoinvitemeandtourgemetoremainwithmydaughterforthefuture,andifhehassaidnothingaboutithitherto,itissimplybecauseithasbeentakenforgranted;butI
shallrefuse。Ihavenoticedmorethanonceinmylifethathusbandsdon\'tquitegetonwiththeirmothers-in-law,andIdon\'twanttobetheleastbitinanyone\'sway,andformyownsake,too,wouldratherbequiteindependent,solongasIhaveacrustofbreadofmyown,andsuchchildrenasyouandDounia。Ifpossible,Iwouldsettlesomewherenearyou,forthemostjoyfulpieceofnews,dearRodya,I
havekeptfortheendofmyletter：knowthen,mydearboy,thatwemay,perhaps,bealltogetherinaveryshorttimeandmayembraceoneanotheragainafteraseparationofalmostthreeyears!ItissettledforcertainthatDouniaandIaretosetoffforPetersburg,exactlywhenIdon\'tknow,butvery,verysoon,possiblyinaweek。ItalldependsonPyotrPetrovitchwhowillletusknowwhenhehashadtimetolookroundhiminPetersburg。Tosuithisownarrangementsheisanxioustohavetheceremonyassoonaspossible,evenbeforethefastofOurLady,ifitcouldbemanaged,orifthatistoosoontobeready,immediatelyafter。Oh,withwhathappinessIshallpressyoutomyheart!Douniaisallexcitementatthejoyfulthoughtofseeingyou,shesaidonedayinjokethatshewouldbereadytomarryPyotrPetrovitchforthatalone。Sheisanangel!Sheisnotwritinganythingtoyounow,andhasonlytoldmetowritethatshehassomuch,somuchtotellyouthatsheisnotgoingtotakeupherpennow,forafewlineswouldtellyounothing,anditwouldonlymeanupsettingherself;shebidsmesendyouherloveandinnumerablekisses。Butalthoughweshallbemeetingsosoon,perhapsIshallsendyouasmuchmoneyasIcaninadayortwo。NowthateveryonehasheardthatDouniaistomarryPyotrPetrovitch,mycredithassuddenlyimprovedandIknowthatAfanasyIvanovitchwilltrustmenoweventoseventy-fiveroublesonthesecurityofmypension,sothatperhapsIshallbeabletosendyoutwenty-fiveoreventhirtyroubles。Iwouldsendyoumore,butIamuneasyaboutourtravellingexpenses;forthoughPyotrPetrovitchhasbeensokindastoundertakepartoftheexpensesofthejourney,thatistosay,hehastakenuponhimselftheconveyanceofourbagsandbigtrunk(whichwillbeconveyedthroughsomeacquaintancesofhis),wemustreckonuponsomeexpensesonourarrivalinPetersburg,wherewecan\'tbeleftwithoutahalfpenny,atleastforthefirstfewdays。
Butwehavecalculateditall,DouniaandI,tothelastpenny,andweseethatthejourneywillnotcostverymuch。Itisonlyninetyverstsfromustotherailwayandwehavecometoanagreementwithadriverweknow,soastobeinreadiness;andfromthereDouniaandIcantravelquitecomfortablythirdclass。SothatImayverylikelybeabletosendtoyounottwenty-five,butthirtyroubles。Butenough;Ihavecoveredtwosheetsalreadyandthereisnospaceleftformore;ourwholehistory,butsomanyeventshavehappened!Andnow,mypreciousRodya,Iembraceyouandsendyouamother\'sblessingtillwemeet。LoveDouniayoursister,Rodya;loveherasshelovesyouandunderstandthatshelovesyoubeyondeverything,morethanherself。Sheisanangelandyou,Rodya,youareeverythingtous-ouronehope,ouroneconsolation。Ifonlyyouarehappy,weshallbehappy。Doyoustillsayyourprayers,Rodya,andbelieveinthemercyofourCreatorandourRedeemer?Iamafraidinmyheartthatyoumayhavebeenvisitedbythenewspiritofinfidelitythatisabroadto-day!Ifitisso,Iprayforyou。Remember,dearboy,howinyourchildhood,whenyourfatherwasliving,youusedtolispyourprayersatmyknee,andhowhappyweallwereinthosedays。Good-bye,tillwemeetthen-Iembraceyouwarmly,warmly,withmanykisses。
“Yourstilldeath“PULCHERIARASKOLNIKOV。“-
Almostfromthefirst,whilehereadtheletter,Raskolnikov\'sfacewaswetwithtears;butwhenhefinishedit,hisfacewaspaleanddistortedandabitter,wrathfulandmalignantsmilewasonhislips。Helaidhisheaddownonhisthreadbaredirtypillowandpondered,ponderedalongtime。Hisheartwasbeatingviolently,andhisbrainwasinaturmoil。Atlasthefeltcrampedandstifledinthelittleyellowroomthatwaslikeacupboardorabox。Hiseyesandhismindcravedforspace。Hetookuphishatandwentout,thistimewithoutdreadofmeetinganyone;hehadforgottenhisdread。HeturnedinthedirectionoftheVassilyevskyOstrov,walkingalongVassilyevskyProspect,asthoughhasteningonsomebusiness,buthewalked,ashishabitwas,withoutnoticinghisway,mutteringandevenspeakingaloudtohimself,totheastonishmentofthepassers-by。Manyofthemtookhimtobedrunk。
ChapterFourHISMOTHER\'Sletterhadbeenatorturetohim,butasregardsthechieffactinit,hehadfeltnotonemoment\'shesitation,evenwhilsthewasreadingtheletter。Theessentialquestionwassettled,andirrevocablysettled,inhismind：“NeversuchamarriagewhileIamaliveandMr。Luzhinbedamned;““Thethingisperfectlyclear,“hemutteredtohimself,withamalignantsmileanticipatingthetriumphofhisdecision。“No,mother,no,Dounia,youwon\'tdeceiveme!andthentheyapologisefornotaskingmyadviceandfortakingthedecisionwithoutme!Idaresay!Theyimagineitisarrangednowandcan\'tbebrokenoff;butwewillseewhetheritcanornot!A
magnificentexcuse：\'PyotrPetrovitchissuchabusymanthatevenhisweddinghastobeinpost-haste,almostbyexpress。\'No,Dounia,IseeitallandIknowwhatyouwanttosaytome;andIknowtoowhatyouwerethinkingabout,whenyouwalkedupanddownallnight,andwhatyourprayerswerelikebeforetheHolyMotherofKazanwhostandsinmother\'sbedroom。BitteristheascenttoGolgotha……Hm……soitisfinallysettled;youhavedeterminedtomarryasensiblebusinessman,AvdotyaRomanovna,onewhohasafortune(hasalreadymadehisfortune,thatissomuchmoresolidandimpressive)amanwhoholdstwogovernmentpostsandwhosharestheideasofourmostrisinggeneration,asmotherwrites,andwhoseemstobekind,asDouniaherselfobserves。Thatseemsbeatseverything!AndthatveryDouniaforthatvery\'seems\'ismarryinghim!Splendid!splendid!
“……ButIshouldliketoknowwhymotherhaswrittentomeabout\'ourmostrisinggeneration\'?Simplyasadescriptivetouch,orwiththeideaofprepossessingmeinfavourofMr。Luzhin?Oh,thecunningofthem!Ishouldliketoknowonethingmore：howfartheywereopenwithoneanotherthatdayandnightandallthistimesince?
Wasitallputintowords,ordidbothunderstandthattheyhadthesamethingatheartandintheirminds,sothattherewasnoneedtospeakofitaloud,andbetternottospeakofit。Mostlikelyitwaspartlylikethat,frommother\'sletterit\'sevident：hestruckherasrudealittle,andmotherinhersimplicitytookherobservationstoDounia。Andshewassuretobevexedand\'answeredherangrily。\'
Ishouldthinkso!Whowouldnotbeangeredwhenitwasquiteclearwithoutanynaivequestionsandwhenitwasunderstoodthatitwasuselesstodiscussit。Andwhydoesshewritetome,\'loveDounia,Rodya,andshelovesyoumorethanherself\'?Hassheasecretconscience-prickatsacrificingherdaughtertoherson?\'Youareouronecomfort,youareeverythingtous。\'Oh,mother！”
Hisbitternessgrewmoreandmoreintense,andifhehadhappenedtomeetMr。Luzhinatthemoment,hemighthavemurderedhim。
“Hm……yes,that\'strue,“hecontinued,pursuingthewhirlingideasthatchasedeachotherinhisbrain,“itistruethat\'itneedstimeandcaretogettoknowaman,\'butthereisnomistakeaboutMr。Luzhin。Thechiefthingisheis\'amanofbusinessandseemskind,\'thatwassomething,wasn\'tit,tosendthebagsandbigboxforthem!Akindman,nodoubtafterthat!Buthisbrideandhermotheraretodriveinapeasant\'scartcoveredwithsacking(I
know,Ihavebeendriveninit)。Nomatter!Itisonlyninetyverstsandthentheycan\'travelverycomfortably,thirdclass,\'forathousandversts!Quiteright,too。Onemustcutone\'scoataccordingtoone\'scloth,butwhataboutyou,Mr。Luzhin?Sheisyourbride……Andyoumustbeawarethathermotherhastoraisemoneyonherpensionforthejourney。Tobesureit\'samatterofbusiness,apartnershipformutualbenefit,withequalsharesandexpenses;-foodanddrinkprovided,butpayforyourtobacco。Thebusinessmanhasgotthebetterofthem,too。Theluggagewillcostlessthantheirfaresandverylikelygofornothing。Howisitthattheydon\'tbothseeallthat,orisitthattheydon\'twanttosee?
Andtheyarepleased,pleased!Andtothinkthatthisisonlythefirstblossoming,andthattherealfruitsaretocome!Butwhatreallymattersisnotthestinginess,isnotthemeanness,butthetoneofthewholething。Forthatwillbethetoneaftermarriage,it\'saforetasteofit。Andmothertoo,whyshouldshebesolavish?
WhatwillshehavebythetimeshegetstoPetersburg?Threesilverroublesortwo\'paperones\'asshesays……thatoldwoman……hm。WhatdoessheexpecttoliveuponinPetersburgafterwards?ShehasherreasonsalreadyforguessingthatshecouldnotlivewithDouniaafterthemarriage,evenforthefirstfewmonths。Thegoodmanhasnodoubtletslipsomethingonthatsubjectalso,thoughmotherwoulddenyit：\'Ishallrefuse,\'saysshe。Onwhomisshereckoningthen?IsshecountingonwhatisleftofherhundredandtwentyroublesofpensionwhenAfanasyIvanovitch\'sdebtispaid?Sheknitswoollenshawlsandembroiderscuffs,ruiningheroldeyes。Andallhershawlsdon\'taddmorethantwentyroublesayeartoherhundredandtwenty,Iknowthat。SosheisbuildingallherhopesallthetimeonMr。Luzhin\'sgenerosity;\'hewillofferitofhimself,hewillpressitonme。\'Youmaywaitalongtimeforthat!That\'showitalwaysiswiththeseSchilleresquenoblehearts;tillthelastmomenteverygooseisaswanwiththem,tillthelastmoment,theyhopeforthebestandwillseenothingwrong,andalthoughtheyhaveaninklingoftheothersideofthepicture,yettheywon\'tfacethetruthtilltheyareforcedto;theverythoughtofitmakesthemshiver;theythrustthetruthawaywithbothhands,untilthemantheydeckoutinfalsecoloursputsafool\'scaponthemwithhisownhands。IshouldliketoknowwhetherMr。Luzhinhasanyordersofmerit;IbethehastheAnnainhisbuttonholeandthatheputsitonwhenhegoestodinewithcontractorsormerchants。Hewillbesuretohaveitforhiswedding,too!Enoughofhim,confoundhim!
“Well,……motherIdon\'twonderat,it\'slikeher,Godblessher,buthowcouldDounia?Dounia,darling,asthoughIdidnotknowyou!
YouwerenearlytwentywhenIsawyoulast：Iunderstoodyouthen。
Motherwritesthat\'Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。\'Iknowthatverywell。Iknewthattwoyearsandahalfago,andforthelasttwoandahalfyearsIhavebeenthinkingaboutit,thinkingofjustthat,that\'Douniacanputupwithagreatdeal。\'IfshecouldputupwithMr。Svidrigailovandalltherestofit,shecertainlycanputupwithagreatdeal。AndnowmotherandshehavetakenitintotheirheadsthatshecanputupwithMr。Luzhin,whopropoundsthetheoryofthesuperiorityofwivesraisedfromdestitutionandowingeverythingtotheirhusband\'sbounty-whopropoundsit,too,almostatthefirstinterview。Grantedthathe\'letitslip,\'thoughheisasensibleman,(yetmaybeitwasnotaslipatall,buthemeanttomakehimselfclearassoonaspossible)butDounia,Dounia?Sheunderstandstheman,ofcourse,butshewillhavetolivewiththeman。Why!she\'dliveonblackbreadandwater,shewouldnotsellhersoul,shewouldnotbarterhermoralfreedomforcomfort;shewouldnotbarteritforallSchleswig-Holstein,muchlessMr。Luzhin\'smoney。No,DouniawasnotthatsortwhenIknewherand……sheisstillthesame,ofcourse!Yes,there\'snodenying,theSvidrigailovsareabitterpill!It\'sabitterthingtospendone\'slifeagovernessintheprovincesfortwohundredroubles,butI
knowshewouldratherbeaniggeronaplantationoraLettwithaGermanmaster,thandegradehersoul,andhermoraldignity,bybindingherselfforevertoamanwhomshedoesnotrespectandwithwhomshehasnothingincommon-forherownadvantage。AndifMr。
Luzhinhadbeenofunalloyedgold,oronehugediamond,shewouldneverhaveconsentedtobecomehislegalconcubine。Whyissheconsentingthen?What\'sthepointofit?What\'stheanswer?It\'sclearenough：forherself,forhercomfort,tosaveherlifeshewouldnotsellherself,butforsomeoneelsesheisdoingit!Foronesheloves,foronesheadores,shewillsellherself!That\'swhatitallamountsto;forherbrother,forhermother,shewillsellherself!
Shewillselleverything!Insuchcases,we\'overcomeourmoralfeelingifnecessary,\'freedom,peace,conscienceeven,all,allarebroughtintothemarket。Letmylifego,ifonlymydearonesmaybehappy!Morethanthat,webecomecasuists,welearntobeJesuiticalandforatimemaybewecansootheourselves,wecanpersuadeourselvesthatitisone\'sdutyforagoodobject。That\'sjustlikeus,it\'sasclearasdaylight。It\'sclearthatRodionRomanovitchRaskolnikovisthecentralfigureinthebusiness,andnooneelse。
Oh,yes,shecanensurehishappiness,keephimintheuniversity,makehimapartnerintheoffice,makehiswholefuturesecure;
perhapshemayevenbearichmanlateron,prosperous,respected,andmayevenendhislifeafamousman!Butmymother?It\'sallRodya,preciousRodya,herfirstborn!Forsuchasonwhowouldnotsacrificesuchadaughter!Oh,loving,over-partialhearts!Why,forhissakewewouldnotshrinkevenfromSonia\'sfate。Sonia,SoniaMarmeladov,theeternalvictimsolongastheworldlasts。Haveyoutakenthemeasureofyoursacrifice,bothofyou?Isitright?Canyoubearit?Isitanyuse?Istheresenseinit?Andletmetellyou,Dounia,Sonia\'slifeisnoworsethanlifewithMr。Luzhin。\'Therecanbenoquestionoflove\'motherwrites。Andwhatiftherecanbenorespecteither,ifonthecontrarythereisaversion,contempt,repulsion,whatthen?Soyouwillhaveto\'keepupyourappearance,\'
too。Isthatnotso?Doyouunderstandwhatthatsmartnessmeans?DoyouunderstandthattheLuzhinsmartnessisjustthesamethingasSonia\'sandmaybeworse,viler,baser,becauseinyourcase,Dounia,it\'sabargainforluxuries,afterall,butwithSoniait\'ssimplyaquestionofstarvation。Ithastobepaidfor,ithastobepaidfor,Dounia,thissmartness。Andwhatifit\'smorethanyoucanbearafterwards,ifyouregretit?Thebitterness,themisery,thecurses,thetearshiddenfromalltheworld,foryouarenotaMarfaPetrovna。Andhowwillyourmotherfeelthen?Evennowsheisuneasy,sheisworried,butthen,whensheseesitallclearly?AndI?
Yes,indeed,whathaveyoutakenmefor?Iwon\'thaveyoursacrifice,Dounia,Iwon\'thaveit,mother!Itshallnotbe,solongasIamalive,itshallnot,itshallnot!Iwon\'tacceptit！”
Hesuddenlypausedinhisreflectionandstoodstill。
“Itshallnotbe?Butwhatareyougoingtodotopreventit?You\'llforbidit?Andwhatrighthaveyou?Whatcanyoupromisethemonyoursidetogiveyousucharight?Yourwholelife,yourwholefuture,youwilldevotetothemwhenyouhavefinishedyourstudiesandobtainedapost?Yes,wehaveheardallthatbefore,andthat\'sallwords,butnow?Nowsomethingmustbedone,now,doyouunderstandthat?Andwhatareyoudoingnow?Youarelivinguponthem。Theyborrowontheirhundredroublespension。TheyborrowfromtheSvidrigailovs。HowareyougoingtosavethemfromSvidrigailovs,fromAfanasyIvanovitchVahrushin,oh,futuremillionaireZeuswhowouldarrangetheirlivesforthem?Inanothertenyears?Inanothertenyears,motherwillbeblindwithknittingshawls,maybewithweepingtoo。Shewillbeworntoashadowwithfasting;andmysister?Imagineforamomentwhatmayhavebecomeofyoursisterintenyears?Whatmayhappentoherduringthosetenyears?Canyoufancy？”
Sohetorturedhimself,frettinghimselfwithsuchquestions,andfindingakindofenjoymentinit。Andyetallthesequestionswerenotnewonessuddenlyconfrontinghim,theywereoldfamiliaraches。
Itwaslongsincetheyhadfirstbeguntogripandrendhisheart。
Long,longagohispresentanguishhaditsfirstbeginnings;ithadwaxedandgatheredstrength,ithadmaturedandconcentrated,untilithadtakentheformofafearful,frenziedandfantasticquestion,whichtorturedhisheartandmind,clamouringinsistentlyforananswer。Nowhismother\'sletterhadburstonhimlikeathunderclap。
Itwasclearthathemustnotnowsufferpassively,worryinghimselfoverunsolvedquestions,butthathemustdosomething,doitatonce,anddoitquickly。Anywayhemustdecideonsomething,orelse……
“Orthrowuplifealtogether！”hecriedsuddenly,inafrenzy-
“acceptone\'slothumblyasitis,onceforallandstifleeverythinginoneself,givingupallclaimtoactivity,lifeandlove！”
“Doyouunderstand,sir,doyouunderstandwhatitmeanswhenyouhaveabsolutelynowheretoturn？”Marmeladov\'squestioncamesuddenlyintohismind“foreverymanmusthavesomewheretoturn……“
Hegaveasuddenstart;anotherthought,thathehadhadyesterday,slippedbackintohismind。Buthedidnotstartatthethoughtrecurringtohim,forheknew,hehadfeltbeforehand,thatitmustcomeback,hewasexpectingit;besidesitwasnotonlyyesterday\'sthought。Thedifferencewasthatamonthago,yesterdayeven,thethoughtwasameredream：butnow……nowitappearednotadreamatall,ithadtakenanewmenacingandquiteunfamiliarshape,andhesuddenlybecameawareofthishimself……Hefeltahammeringinhishead,andtherewasadarknessbeforehiseyes。
Helookedroundhurriedly,hewassearchingforsomething。Hewantedtositdownandwaslookingforaseat;hewaswalkingalongtheK____
Boulevard。Therewasaseataboutahundredpacesinfrontofhim。
Hewalkedtowardsitasfasthecould;butonthewayhemetwithalittleadventurewhichabsorbedallhisattention。Lookingfortheseat,hehadnoticedawomanwalkingsometwentypacesinfrontofhim,butatfirsthetooknomorenoticeofherthanofotherobjectsthatcrossedhispath。Ithadhappenedtohimmanytimesgoinghomenottonoticetheroadbywhichhewasgoing,andhewasaccustomedtowalklikethat。Buttherewasatfirstsightsomethingsostrangeaboutthewomaninfrontofhim,thatgraduallyhisattentionwasriveteduponher,atfirstreluctantlyand,asitwere,resentfully,andthenmoreandmoreintently。Hefeltasuddendesiretofindoutwhatitwasthatwassostrangeaboutthewoman。Inthefirstplace,sheappearedtobeagirlquiteyoung,andshewaswalkinginthegreatheatbareheadedandwithnoparasolorgloves,wavingherarmsaboutinanabsurdway。Shehadonadressofsomelightsilkymaterial,butputonstrangelyawry,notproperlyhookedup,andtornopenatthetopoftheskirt,closetothewaist：agreatpiecewasrentandhangingloose。Alittlekerchiefwasflungaboutherbarethroat,butlayslantingononeside。Thegirlwaswalkingunsteadily,too,stumblingandstaggeringfromsidetoside。ShedrewRaskolnikov\'swholeattentionatlast。Heovertookthegirlattheseat,but,onreachingit,shedroppeddownonit,inthecorner;sheletherheadsinkonthebackoftheseatandclosedhereyes,apparentlyinextremeexhaustion。Lookingatherclosely,hesawatoncethatshewascompletelydrunk。Itwasastrangeandshockingsight。Hecouldhardlybelievethathewasnotmistaken。Hesawbeforehimthefaceofaquiteyoung,fair-hairedgirl-sixteen,perhapsnotmorethanfifteenyearsold,prettylittleface,butflushedandheavylookingand,asitwere,swollen。Thegirlseemedhardlytoknowwhatshewasdoing;shecrossedonelegovertheother,liftingitindecorously,andshowedeverysignofbeingunconsciousthatshewasinthestreet。
Raskolnikovdidnotsitdown,buthefeltunwillingtoleaveher,andstoodfacingherinperplexity。Thisboulevardwasnevermuchfrequented;andnow,attwoo\'clock,inthestiflingheat,itwasquitedeserted。Andyetonthefurthersideoftheboulevard,aboutfifteenpacesaway,agentlemanwasstandingontheedgeofthepavement,he,too,wouldapparentlyhavelikedtoapproachthegirlwithsomeobjectofhisown。He,too,hadprobablyseenherinthedistanceandhadfollowedher,butfoundRaskolnikovinhisway。Helookedangrilyathim,thoughhetriedtoescapehisnotice,andstoodimpatientlybidinghistime,tilltheunwelcomemaninragsshouldhavemovedaway。Hisintentionswereunmistakable。Thegentlemanwasaplump,thickly-setman,aboutthirty,fashionablydressed,withahighcolour,redlipsandmoustaches。Raskolnikovfeltfurious;hehadasuddenlongingtoinsultthisfatdandyinsomeway。Heleftthegirlforamomentandwalkedtowardsthegentleman。
“Hey!YouSvidrigailov!Whatdoyouwanthere？”heshouted,clenchinghisfistsandlaughing,splutteringwithrage。
“Whatdoyoumean？”thegentlemanaskedsternly,scowlinginhaughtyastonishment。
“Getaway,that\'swhatImean。“
“Howdareyou,youlowfellow！”
Heraisedhiscane。Raskolnikovrushedathimwithhisfists,withoutreflectingthatthestoutgentlemanwasamatchfortwomenlikehimself。Butatthatinstantsomeoneseizedhimfrombehind,andapoliceconstablestoodbetweenthem。
“That\'senough,gentlemen,nofighting,please,inapublicplace。
Whatdoyouwant?Whoareyou？”heaskedRaskolnikovsternly,noticinghisrags。
Raskolnikovlookedathimintently。Hehadastraight-forward,sensible,soldierlyface,withgreymoustachesandwhiskers。
“YouarejustthemanIwant,“Raskolnikovcried,catchingathisarm。“Iamastudent,Raskolnikov……Youmayaswellknowthattoo,“headded,addressingthegentleman,“comealong,Ihavesomethingtoshowyou。“
Andtakingthepolicemanbythehandhedrewhimtowardstheseat。
“Lookhere,hopelesslydrunk,andshehasjustcomedowntheboulevard。Thereisnotellingwhoandwhatsheis,shedoesnotlooklikeaprofessional。It\'smorelikelyshehasbeengivendrinkanddeceivedsomewhere……forthefirsttime……youunderstand?andthey\'veputheroutintothestreetlikethat。Lookatthewayherdressistorn,andthewayithasbeenputon：shehasbeendressedbysomebody,shehasnotdressedherself,anddressedbyunpractisedhands,byaman\'shands;that\'sevident。Andnowlookthere：Idon\'tknowthatdandywithwhomIwasgoingtofight,Iseehimforthefirsttime,but,he,toohasseenherontheroad,justnow,drunk,notknowingwhatsheisdoing,andnowheisveryeagertogetholdofher,togetherawaysomewherewhilesheisinthisstate……that\'scertain,believeme,Iamnotwrong。Isawhimmyselfwatchingherandfollowingher,butIpreventedhim,andheisjustwaitingformetogoaway。Nowhehaswalkedawayalittle,andisstandingstill,pretendingtomakeacigarette……Thinkhowcanwekeepheroutofhishands,andhowarewetogetherhome？”
Thepolicemansawitallinaflash。Thestoutgentlemanwaseasytounderstand,heturnedtoconsiderthegirl。Thepolicemanbentovertoexaminehermoreclosely,andhisfaceworkedwithgenuinecompassion。
“Ah,whatapity！”hesaid,shakinghishead-“why,sheisquiteachild!Shehasbeendeceived,youcanseethatatonce。Listen,lady,“
hebeganaddressingher,“wheredoyoulive？”Thegirlopenedherwearyandsleepy-lookingeyes,gazedblanklyatthespeakerandwavedherhand。
“Here,“saidRaskolnikovfeelinginhispocketandfindingtwentycopecks,“here,callacabandtellhimtodrivehertoheraddress。
Theonlythingistofindoutheraddress！”
“Missy,missy！”thepolicemanbeganagain,takingthemoney。“I\'llfetchyouacabandtakeyouhomemyself。WhereshallItakeyou,eh?Wheredoyoulive？”
“Goaway!Theywon\'tletmealone,“thegirlmuttered,andoncemorewavedherhand。
“Ach,ach,howshocking!It\'sshameful,missy,it\'sashame！”Heshookhisheadagain,shocked,sympatheticandindignant。
“It\'sadifficultjob,“thepolicemansaidtoRaskolnikov,andashedidso,helookedhimupanddowninarapidglance。He。too,musthaveseemedastrangefiguretohim：dressedinragsandhandinghimmoney!
“Didyoumeetherfarfromhere？”heaskedhim。
“Itellyoushewaswalkinginfrontofme,staggering,justhere,intheboulevard。Sheonlyjustreachedtheseatandsankdownonit。“
“Ah,theshamefulthingsthataredoneintheworldnowadays,Godhavemercyonus!Aninnocentcreaturelikethat,drunkalready!Shehasbeendeceived,that\'sasurething。Seehowherdresshasbeentorntoo……Ah,theviceoneseesnowadays!Andaslikelyasnotshebelongstogentlefolktoo,pooronesmaybe……Therearemanylikethatnowadays。Shelooksrefined,too,asthoughshewerealady,“andhebentoverheroncemore。
Perhapshehaddaughtersgrowinguplikethat,“lookinglikeladiesandrefined“withpretensionstogentilityandsmartness……
“Thechiefthingis,“Raskolnikovpersisted,“tokeepheroutofthisscoundrel\'shands!Whyshouldheoutrageher!It\'sasclearasdaywhatheisafter;ah,thebrute,heisnotmovingoff！”
Raskolnikovspokealoudandpointedtohim。Thegentlemanheardhim,andseemedabouttoflyintoarageagain,butthoughtbetterofit,andconfinedhimselftoacontemptuouslook。Hethenwalkedslowlyanothertenpacesawayandagainhalted。
“Keepheroutofhishandswecan,“saidtheconstablethoughtfully,“ifonlyshe\'dtelluswheretotakeher,butasitis……Missy,hey,missy！”hebentoverheroncemore。
Sheopenedhereyesfullyallofasudden,lookedathimintently,asthoughrealisingsomething,gotupfromtheseatandwalkedawayinthedirectionfromwhichshehadcome。“Ohshamefulwretches,theywon\'tletmealone！”shesaid,wavingherhandagain。Shewalkedquickly,thoughstaggeringasbefore。Thedandyfollowedher,butalonganotheravenue,keepinghiseyeonher。
“Don\'tbeanxious,Iwon\'tlethimhaveher,“thepolicemansaidresolutely,andhesetoffafterthem。
“Ah,theviceoneseesnowadays！”herepeatedaloud,sighing。
AtthatmomentsomethingseemedtostingRaskolnikov;inaninstantacompleterevulsionoffeelingcameoverhim。
“Hey,here！”heshoutedafterthepoliceman。
Thelatterturnedround。
“Letthembe!Whatisittodowithyou?Lethergo!Lethimamusehimself。“Hepointedatthedandy,“Whatisittodowithyou？”
Thepolicemanwasbewildered,andstaredathimopen-eyed。
Raskolnikovlaughed。
“Well！”ejaculatedthepoliceman,withagestureofcontempt,andhewalkedafterthedandyandthegirl,probablytakingRaskolnikovforamadmanorsomethingevenworse。
“Hehascarriedoffmytwentycopecks,“Raskolnikovmurmuredangrilywhenhewasleftalone。“Well,lethimtakeasmuchfromtheotherfellowtoallowhimtohavethegirlandsoletitend。AndwhydidIwanttointerfere?Isitformetohelp?HaveIanyrighttohelp?
Letthemdevoureachotheralive-whatistome?HowdidIdaretogivehimtwentycopecks?Weretheymine？”
Inspiteofthosestrangewordshefeltverywretched。Hesatdownonthedesertedseat。Histhoughtstrayedaimlessly……Hefoundithardtofixhismindonanythingatthatmoment。Helongedtoforgethimselfaltogether,toforgeteverything,andthentowakeupandbeginlifeanew……
“Poorgirl！”hesaid,lookingattheemptycornerwhereshehadsat-
“Shewillcometoherselfandweep,andthenhermotherwillfindout……Shewillgiveherabeating,ahorrible,shamefulbeatingandthenmaybe,turnheroutofdoors……Andevenifshedoesnot,theDaryaFrantsovnaswillgetwindofit,andthegirlwillsoonbeslippingoutontheslyhereandthere。Thentherewillbethehospitaldirectly(that\'salwaystheluckofthosegirlswithrespectablemothers,whogowrongonthesly)andthen……againthehospital……drink……thetaverns……andmorehospital,intwoorthreeyears-awreck,andherlifeoverateighteenornineteen……HavenotIseencaseslikethat?Andhowhavetheybeenbroughttoit?Why,they\'veallcometoitlikethat。Ugh!Butwhatdoesitmatter?That\'sasitshouldbe,theytellus。Acertainpercentage,theytellus,musteveryyeargo……thatway……tothedevil,Isuppose,sothattherestmayremainchaste,andnotbeinterferedwith。Apercentage!Whatsplendidwordstheyhave;theyaresoscientific,soconsolatory……
Onceyou\'vesaid\'percentage,\'there\'snothingmoretoworryabout。Ifwehadanyotherword……maybewemightfeelmoreuneasy……ButwhatifDouniawereoneofthepercentage!Ofanotheroneifnotthatone?
“ButwhereamIgoing？”hethoughtsuddenly。“Strange,Icameoutforsomething。AssoonasIhadreadtheletterIcameout……IwasgoingtoVassilyevskyOstrov,toRazumihin。That\'swhatitwas……
nowIremember。Whatfor,though?AndwhatputtheideaofgoingtoRazumihinintomyheadjustnow?That\'scurious。“
Hewonderedathimself。Razumihinwasoneofhisoldcomradesattheuniversity。ItwasremarkablethatRaskolnikovhadhardlyanyfriendsattheuniversity;hekeptalooffromeveryone,wenttoseenoone,anddidnotwelcomeanyonewhocametoseehim,andindeedeveryonesoongavehimup。Hetooknopartinthestudents\'
gatherings,amusementsorconversations。Heworkedwithgreatintensitywithoutsparinghimself,andhewasrespectedforthis,butnoonelikedhim。Hewasverypoor,andtherewasasortofhaughtyprideandreserveabouthim,asthoughhewerekeepingsomethingtohimself。Heseemedtosomeofhiscomradestolookdownuponthemallaschildren,asthoughheweresuperiorindevelopment,knowledgeandconvictions,asthoughtheirbeliefsandinterestswerebeneathhim。
WithRazumihinhehadgoton,or,atleast,hewasmoreunreservedandcommunicativewithhim。IndeeditwasimpossibletobeonanyothertermswithRazumihin。Hewasanexceptionallygood-humouredandcandidyouth,good-naturedtothepointofsimplicity,thoughbothdepthanddignitylayconcealedunderthatsimplicity。Thebetterofhiscomradesunderstoodthis,andallwerefondofhim。Hewasextremelyintelligent,thoughhewascertainlyratherasimpletonattimes。Hewasofstrikingappearance-tall,thin,blackhairedandalwaysbadlyshaved。Hewassometimesuproariousandwasreputedtobeofgreatphysicalstrength。Onenight,whenoutinafestivecompany,hehadwithoneblowlaidagiganticpolicemanonhisback。
Therewasnolimittohisdrinkingpowers,buthecouldabstainfromdrinkaltogether;hesometimeswenttoofarinhispranks;buthecoulddowithoutpranksaltogether。AnotherthingstrikingaboutRazumihin,nofailuredistressedhim,anditseemedasthoughnounfavourablecircumstancescouldcrushhim。Hecouldlodgeanywhere,andbeartheextremesofcoldandhunger。Hewasverypoor,andkepthimselfentirelyonwhathecouldearnbyworkofonesortoranother。
Heknewofnoendofresourcesbywhichtoearnmoney。Hespentonewholewinterwithoutlightinghisstove,andusedtodeclarethathelikeditbetter,becauseonesleptmoresoundlyinthecold。Forthepresenthe,too,hadbeenobligedtogiveuptheuniversity,butitwasonlyforatime,andhewasworkingwithallhismighttosaveenoughtoreturntohisstudiesagain。Raskolnikovhadnotbeentoseehimforthelastfourmonths,andRazumihindidnotevenknowhisaddress。Abouttwomonthsbefore,theyhadmetinthestreet,butRaskolnikovhadturnedawayandevencrossedtotheothersidethathemightnotbeobserved。AndthoughRazumihinnoticedhim,hepassedhimby,ashedidnotwanttoannoyhim。
ChapterFive“OFCOURSE,I\'vebeenmeaninglatelytogotoRazumihin\'stoaskforwork,toaskhimtogetmelessonsorsomething……“Raskolnikovthought,“butwhathelpcanhebetomenow?Supposehegetsmelessons,supposeheshareshislastfarthingwithme,ifhehasanyfarthings,sothatIcouldgetsomebootsandmakemyselftidyenoughtogivelessons……hm……Wellandwhatthen?WhatshallIdowiththefewcoppersIearn?That\'snotwhatIwantnow。It\'sreallyabsurdformetogotoRazumihin……“
ThequestionwhyhewasnowgoingtoRazumihinagitatedhimevenmorethanhewashimselfaware;hekeptuneasilyseekingforsomesinistersignificanceinthisapparentlyordinaryaction。
“CouldIhaveexpectedtosetitallstraightandtofindawayoutbymeansofRazumihinalone？”heaskedhimselfinperplexity。
Heponderedandrubbedhisforehead,and,strangetosay,afterlongmusing,suddenly,asifitwerespontaneouslyandbychance,afantasticthoughtcameintohishead。
“Hm……toRazumihin\'s,“hesaidallatonce,calmly,asthoughhehadreachedafinaldetermination。“IshallgotoRazumihin\'sofcourse,but……notnow。Ishallgotohim……onthenextdayafterIt,whenItwillbeoverandeverythingwillbeginafresh……“
Andsuddenlyherealisedwhathewasthinking。
“AfterIt,“heshouted,jumpingupfromtheseat,“butisItreallygoingtohappen?Isitpossibleitreallywillhappen？”Helefttheseat,andwentoffalmostatarun;hemeanttoturnback,homewards,butthethoughtofgoinghomesuddenlyfilledhimwithintenseloathing;inthathole,inthatawfullittlecupboardofhis,allthishadforamonthpastbeengrowingupinhim;andhewalkedonatrandom。
Hisnervousshudderhadpassedintoafeverthatmadehimfeelshivering;inspiteoftheheathefeltcold。Withakindofefforthebeganalmostunconsciously,fromsomeinnercraving,tostareatalltheobjectsbeforehim,asthoughlookingforsomethingtodistracthisattention;buthedidnotsucceed,andkeptdroppingeverymomentintobrooding。Whenwithastartheliftedhisheadagainandlookedaround,heforgotatoncewhathehadjustbeenthinkingaboutandevenwherehewasgoing。InthiswayhewalkedrightacrossVassilyevskyOstrov,cameoutontotheLesserNeva,crossedthebridgeandturnedtowardstheislands。Thegreennessandfreshnesswereatfirstrestfultohiswearyeyesafterthedustofthetownandthehugehousesthathemmedhiminandweigheduponhim。Heretherewerenotaverns,nostiflingcloseness,nostench。Butsoonthesenewpleasantsensationspassedintomorbidirritability。Sometimeshestoodstillbeforeabrightlypaintedsummervillastandingamonggreenfoliage,hegazedthroughthefence,hesawinthedistancesmartlydressedwomenontheverandahsandbalconies,andchildrenrunninginthegardens。Theflowersespeciallycaughthisattention;
hegazedatthemlongerthanatanything。Hewasmet,too,byluxuriouscarriagesandbymenandwomenonhorseback;hewatchedthemwithcuriouseyesandforgotaboutthembeforetheyhadvanishedfromhissight。Oncehestoodstillandcountedhismoney;hefoundhehadthirtycopecks。“Twentytothepoliceman,threetoNastasyafortheletter,soImusthavegivenforty-sevenorfiftytotheMarmeladovsyesterday,“hethought,reckoningitupforsomeunknownreason,buthesoonforgotwithwhatobjecthehadtakenthemoneyoutofhispocket。Herecalleditonpassinganeating-houseortavern,andfeltthathewashungry……Goingintothetavernhedrankaglassofvodkaandateapieofsomesort。Hefinishedeatingitashewalkedaway。Itwasalongwhilesincehehadtakenvodkaandithadaneffectuponhimatonce,thoughheonlydrankawine-glassful。
Hislegsfeltsuddenlyheavyandagreatdrowsinesscameuponhim。
Heturnedhomewards,butreachingPetrovskyOstrovhestoppedcompletelyexhausted,turnedofftheroadintothebushes,sankdownuponthegrassandinstantlyfellasleep。
Inamorbidconditionofthebrain,dreamsoftenhaveasingularactuality,vividness,andextraordinarysemblanceofreality。Attimesmonstrousimagesarecreated,butthesettingandthewholepicturearesotruthlikeandfilledwithdetailssodelicate,sounexpectedly,butsoartisticallyconsistent,thatthedreamer,wereheanartistlikePushkinorTurgeneveven,couldneverhaveinventedtheminthewakingstate。Suchsickdreamsalwaysremainlonginthememoryandmakeapowerfulimpressionontheoverwroughtandderangednervoussystem。
Raskolnikovhadafearfuldream。Hedreamthewasbackinhischildhoodinthelittletownofhisbirth。Hewasachildaboutsevenyearsold,walkingintothecountrywithhisfatherontheeveningofaholiday。Itwasagreyandheavyday,thecountrywasexactlyasherememberedit;indeedherecalleditfarmorevividlyinhisdreamthanhehaddoneinmemory。Thelittletownstoodonalevelflatasbareasthehand,notevenawillownearit;onlyinthefardistance,acopselay,adarkblurontheveryedgeofthehorizon。
Afewpacesbeyondthelastmarketgardenstoodatavern,abigtavern,whichhadalwaysarousedinhimafeelingofaversion,evenoffear,whenhewalkedbyitwithhisfather。Therewasalwaysacrowdthere,alwaysshouting,laughterandabuse,hideoushoarsesingingandoftenfighting。Drunkenandhorrible-lookingfigureswerehangingaboutthetavern。Heusedtoclingclosetohisfather,tremblingalloverwhenhemetthem。Nearthetaverntheroadbecameadustytrack,thedustofwhichwasalwaysblack。Itwasawindingroad,andaboutahundredpacesfurtheron,itturnedtotherighttothegraveyard。Inthemiddleofthegraveyardstoodastonechurchwithagreencupolawhereheusedtogotomasstwoorthreetimesayearwithhisfatherandmother,whenaservicewasheldinmemoryofhisgrandmother,whohadlongbeendead,andwhomhehadneverseen。Ontheseoccasionstheyusedtotakeonawhitedishtiedupinatablenapkinaspecialsortofricepuddingwithraisinsstuckinitintheshapeofacross。Helovedthatchurch,theold-fashioned,unadornedikonsandtheoldpriestwiththeshakinghead。Nearhisgrandmother\'sgrave,whichwasmarkedbyastone,wasthelittlegraveofhisyoungerbrotherwhohaddiedatsixmonthsold。Hedidnotrememberhimatall,buthehadbeentoldabouthislittlebrother,andwheneverhevisitedthegraveyardheusedreligiouslyandreverentlytocrosshimselfandtobowdownandkissthelittlegrave。
Andnowhedreamtthathewaswalkingwithhisfatherpastthetavernonthewaytothegraveyard;hewasholdinghisfather\'shandandlookingwithdreadatthetavern。Apeculiarcircumstanceattractedhisattention：thereseemedtobesomekindoffestivitygoingon,therewerecrowdsofgailydressedtownspeople,peasantwomen,theirhusbands,andriff-raffofallsorts,allsingingandallmoreorlessdrunk。Neartheentranceofthetavernstoodacart,butastrangecart。Itwasoneofthosebigcartsusuallydrawnbyheavycart-horsesandladenwithcasksofwineorotherheavygoods。
Healwayslikedlookingatthosegreatcart-horses,withtheirlongmanes,thicklegs,andslowevenpace,drawingalongaperfectmountainwithnoappearanceofeffort,asthoughitwereeasiergoingwithaloadthanwithoutit。Butnow,strangetosay,intheshaftsofsuchacarthesawathinlittlesorrelbeast,oneofthosepeasants\'nagswhichhehadoftenseenstrainingtheirutmostunderaheavyloadofwoodorhay,especiallywhenthewheelswerestuckinthemudorinarut。Andthepeasantswouldbeatthemsocruelly,sometimesevenaboutthenoseandeyesandhefeltsosorry,sosorryforthemthathealmostcried,andhismotheralwaysusedtotakehimawayfromthewindow。Allofasuddentherewasagreatuproarofshouting,singingandthebalalaika,andfromthetavernanumberofbigandverydrunkenpeasantscameout,wearingredandblueshirtsandcoatsthrownovertheirshoulders。
“Getin,getin！”shoutedoneofthem,ayoungthick-neckedpeasantwithafleshyfaceredasacarrot。“I\'lltakeyouall,getin！”
Butatoncetherewasanoutbreakoflaughterandexclamationsinthecrowd。
“Takeusallwithabeastlikethat！”
“Why,Mikolka,areyoucrazytoputanaglikethatinsuchacart？”
“Andthismareistwentyifsheisaday,mates！”
“Getin,I\'lltakeyouall,“Mikolkashoutedagain,leapingfirstintothecart,seizingthereinsandstandingstraightupinfront。
“ThebayhasgonewithMarvey,“heshoutedfromthecart-“andthisbrute,mates,isjustbreakingmyheart,IfeelasifIcouldkillher。She\'sjusteatingherheadoff。Getin,Itellyou!I\'llmakehergallop!She\'llgallop！”andhepickedupthewhip,preparinghimselfwithrelishtoflogthelittlemare。
“Getin!Comealong！”Thecrowdlaughed。“D\'youhear,she\'llgallop！”
“Gallopindeed!Shehasnothadagallopinherforthelasttenyears！”
“She\'lljogalong！”
“Don\'tyoumindher,mates,bringawhipeachofyou,getready！”
“Allright!Giveittoher！”
TheyallclamberedintoMikolka\'scart,laughingandmakingjokes。
Sixmengotinandtherewasstillroomformore。Theyhauledinafat,rosy-cheekedwoman。Shewasdressedinredcotton,inapointed,beadedheaddressandthickleathershoes;shewascrackingnutsandlaughing。Thecrowdroundthemwaslaughingtooandindeed,howcouldtheyhelplaughing?Thatwretchednagwastodragallthecartloadofthematagallop!TwoyoungfellowsinthecartwerejustgettingwhipsreadytohelpMikolka。Withthecryof“now,“themaretuggedwithallhermight,butfarfromgalloping,couldscarcelymoveforward;shestruggledwithherlegs,gaspingandshrinkingfromtheblowsofthethreewhipswhichwereshowereduponherlikehail。Thelaughterinthecartandinthecrowdwasredoubled,butMikolkaflewintoarageandfuriouslythrashedthemare,asthoughhesupposedshereallycouldgallop。
“Letmegetin,too,mates,“shoutedayoungmaninthecrowdwhoseappetitewasaroused。
“Getin,allgetin,“criedMikolka,“shewilldrawyouall。I\'llbeathertodeath！”Andhethrashedandthrashedatthemare,besidehimselfwithfury。
“Father,father,“hecried,“father,whataretheydoing?Father,theyarebeatingthepoorhorse！”
“Comealong,comealong！”saidhisfather。“Theyaredrunkenandfoolish,theyareinfun;comeaway,don\'tlook！”andhetriedtodrawhimaway,buthetorehimselfawayfromhishand,and,besidehimselfwithhorror,rantothehorse。Thepoorbeastwasinabadway。Shewasgasping,standingstill,thentuggingagainandalmostfalling。
“Beathertodeath,“criedMikolka,“it\'scometothat。I\'lldoforher！”
“Whatareyouabout,areyouaChristian,youdevil？”shoutedanoldmaninthecrowd。
“Didanyoneeverseethelike?Awretchednaglikethatpullingsuchacartload,“saidanother。
“You\'llkillher,“shoutedthethird。
“Don\'tmeddle!It\'smyproperty。I\'lldowhatIchoose。Getin,moreofyou!Getin,allofyou!Iwillhavehergoatagallop!……“
Allatoncelaughterbrokeintoaroarandcoveredeverything：themare,rousedbytheshowerofblows,beganfeeblykicking。Eventheoldmancouldnothelpsmiling。Tothinkofawretchedlittlebeastlikethattryingtokick!
Twoladsinthecrowdsnatchedupwhipsandrantothemaretobeatherabouttheribs。Oneraneachside。
“Hitherintheface,intheeyes,intheeyes,“criedMikolka。
“Giveusasong,mates,“shoutedsomeoneinthecartandeveryoneinthecartjoinedinariotoussong,jinglingatambourineandwhistling。Thewomanwentoncrackingnutsandlaughing……Heranbesidethemare,raninfrontofher,sawherbeingwhippedacrosstheeyes,rightintheeyes!Hewascrying,hefeltchoking,histearswerestreaming。Oneofthemengavehimacutwiththewhipacrosstheface,hedidnotfeelit。Wringinghishandsandscreaming,herusheduptothegrey-headedoldmanwiththegreybeard,whowasshakinghisheadindisapproval。Onewomanseizedhimbythehandandwouldhavetakenhimaway,buthetorehimselffromherandranbacktothemare。Shewasalmostatthelastgasp,butbegankickingoncemore。
“I\'llteachyoutokick,“Mikolkashoutedferociously。Hethrewdownthewhip,bentforwardandpickedupfromthebottomofthecartalong,thickshaft,hetookholdofoneendwithbothhandsandwithaneffortbrandisheditoverthemare。
“He\'llcrushher,“wasshoutedroundhim。“He\'llkillher！”
“It\'smyproperty,“shoutedMikolkaandbroughttheshaftdownwithaswingingblow。Therewasasoundofaheavythud。
“Thrashher,thrashher!Whyhaveyoustopped？”shoutedvoicesinthecrowd。
AndMikolkaswungtheshaftasecondtimeanditfellasecondtimeonthespineofthelucklessmare。Shesankbackonherhaunches,butlurchedforwardandtuggedforwardwithallherforce,tuggedfirstononesideandthenontheother,tryingtomovethecart。
Butthesixwhipswereattackingherinalldirections,andtheshaftwasraisedagainandfelluponherathirdtime,thenafourth,withheavymeasuredblows。Mikolkawasinafurythathecouldnotkillheratoneblow。
“She\'satoughone,“wasshoutedinthecrowd。
“She\'llfallinaminute,mates,therewillsoonbeanendofher,“saidanadmiringspectatorinthecrowd。
“Fetchanaxetoher!Finishheroff,“shoutedathird。
“I\'llshowyou!Standoff,“Mikolkascreamedfrantically;hethrewdowntheshaft,stoopeddowninthecartandpickedupanironcrowbar。“Lookout,“heshouted,andwithallhismighthedealtastunningblowatthepoormare。Theblowfell;themarestaggered,sankback,triedtopull,butthebarfellagainwithaswingingblowonherbackandshefellonthegroundlikealog。
“Finishheroff,“shoutedMikolkaandheleaptbesidehimself,outofthecart。Severalyoungmen,alsoflushedwithdrink,seizedanythingtheycouldcomeacross-whips,sticks,poles,andrantothedyingmare。Mikolkastoodononesideandbegandealingrandomblowswiththecrowbar。Themarestretchedoutherhead,drewalongbreathanddied。
“Youbutcheredher,“someoneshoutedinthecrowd。
“Whywouldn\'tshegallopthen？”
“Myproperty！”shoutedMikolka,withbloodshoteyes,brandishingthebarinhishands。Hestoodasthoughregrettingthathehadnothingmoretobeat。
“Nomistakeaboutit,youarenotaChristian,“manyvoiceswereshoutinginthecrowd。
Butthepoorboy,besidehimself,madehiswayscreamingthroughthecrowdtothesorrelnag,puthisarmsroundherbleedingdeadheadandkissedit,kissedtheeyesandkissedthelips……ThenhejumpedupandflewinafrenzywithhislittlefistsoutatMikolka。Atthatinstanthisfatherwhohadbeenrunningafterhim,snatchedhimupandcarriedhimoutofthecrowd。
“Comealong,come!Letusgohome,“hesaidtohim。
“Father!Whydidthey……kill……thepoorhorse！”hesobbed,buthisvoicebrokeandthewordscameinshrieksfromhispantingchest。
“Theyaredrunk……Theyarebrutal……it\'snotourbusiness！”
saidhisfather。Heputhisarmsroundhisfatherbuthefeltchoked,choked。Hetriedtodrawabreath,tocryout-andwokeup。
Hewakedup,gaspingforbreath,hishairsoakedwithperspiration,andstoodupinterror。
“ThankGod,thatwasonlyadream,“hesaid,sittingdownunderatreeanddrawingdeepbreaths。“Butwhatisit?Isitsomefevercomingon?Suchahideousdream！”
Hefeltutterlybroken;darknessandconfusionwereinhissoul。
Herestedhiselbowsonhiskneesandleanedhisheadonhishands。
“GoodGod！”hecried,“canitbe,canitbe,thatIshallreallytakeanaxe,thatIshallstrikeheronthehead,splitherskullopen……thatIshalltreadinthestickywarmblood,breakthelock,stealandtremble;hide,allspatteredintheblood……withtheaxe……GoodGod,canitbe？”
Hewasshakinglikealeafashesaidthis。
“ButwhyamIgoingonlikethis？”hecontinued,sittingupagain,asitwereinprofoundamazement。“IknewthatIcouldneverbringmyselftoit,sowhathaveIbeentorturingmyselffortillnow?
Yesterday,yesterday,whenIwenttomakethat……experiment,yesterdayIrealisedcompletelythatIcouldneverbeartodoit……
WhyamIgoingoveritagain,then?WhyamIhesitating?AsIcamedownthestairsyesterday,Isaidmyselfthatitwasbase,loathsome,vile,vile……theverythoughtofitmademefeelsickandfilledmewithhorror。
“No,Icouldn\'tdoit,Icouldn\'tdoit!Granted,grantedthatthereisnoflawinallthatreasoning,thatallthatIhaveconcludedthislastmonthisclearasday,trueasarithmetic……MyGod!AnywayIcouldn\'tbringmyselftoit!Icouldn\'tdoit,Icouldn\'tdoit!
Why,whythenamIstill……？”
Herosetohisfeet,lookedroundinwonderasthoughsurprisedatfindinghimselfinthisplace,andwenttowardsthebridge。Hewaspale,hiseyesglowed,hewasexhaustedineverylimb,butheseemedsuddenlytobreathemoreeasily。Hefelthehadcastoffthatfearfulburdenthathadsolongbeenweighinguponhim,andallatoncetherewasasenseofreliefandpeaceinhissoul。“Lord,“heprayed,“showmemypath-Irenouncethataccursed……dreamofmine。“
Crossingthebridge,hegazedquietlyandcalmlyattheNeva,attheglowingredsunsettingintheglowingsky。Inspiteofhisweaknesshewasnotconsciousoffatigue。Itwasasthoughanabscessthathadbeenformingforamonthpastinhishearthadsuddenlybroken。
Freedom,freedom!Hewasfreefromthatspell,thatsorcery,thatobsession!
Lateron,whenherecalledthattimeandallthathappenedtohimduringthosedays,minutebyminute,pointbypoint,hewassuperstitiouslyimpressedbyonecircumstance,whichthoughinitselfnotveryexceptional,alwaysseemedtohimafterwardsthepredestinedturning-pointofhisfate。Hecouldneverunderstandandexplaintohimselfwhy,whenhewastiredandwornout,whenitwouldhavebeenmoreconvenientforhimtogohomebytheshortestandmostdirectway,hehadreturnedbytheHayMarketwherehehadnoneedtogo。Itwasobviouslyandquiteunnecessarilyoutofhisway,thoughnotmuchso。Itistruethatithappenedtohimdozensoftimestoreturnhomewithoutnoticingwhatstreetshepassedthrough。Butwhy,hewasalwaysaskinghimself,whyhadsuchanimportant,suchadecisiveandatthesametimesuchanabsolutelychancemeetinghappenedintheHayMarket(wherehehadmoreovernoreasontogo)
attheveryhour,theveryminuteofhislifewhenhewasjustintheverymoodandintheverycircumstancesinwhichthatmeetingwasabletoexertthegravestandmostdecisiveinfluenceonhiswholedestiny?Asthoughithadbeenlyinginwaitforhimonpurpose!
Itwasaboutnineo\'clockwhenhecrossedtheHayMarket。Atthetablesandthebarrows,attheboothsandtheshops,allthemarketpeoplewereclosingtheirestablishmentsorclearingawayandpackinguptheirwaresand,liketheircustomers,weregoinghome。
